Later dude.

As we wind down the waning days of 2009, yet another GVM stalwart bids farewell to the single life. It is with best wishes that GVM announces the engagement of NJAG to NJAD (non-Jewish attorney dude).

Though both parties have been very tight lipped with details, we have learned that the proposal did not take place in a bathroom, and that the ring was not subsequently returned.

GVM will no doubt mark 2009 as the year of engagements, as NJAG joins McGinley amongst the ranks of the betrothed. Taken together with the marriage of mister and misses trendy in 2008, the recent unification of Mr. and Mrs. McCampus, the nuptials of Mr. and Mrs. Gahannastan and the 1's LTR, it is the express wish of the GVM editorial staff (The Chancellor and AMG) that this Village wide fascination with coupling not carry over into 2010.

Kenny Chesney poses the lyrical question, "Maybe I'll settle down, get married, or stay single and stay free?"

I give my answer in the words of American Revolutionary General John Stark: "Live free or die."

-The Chancellor

Odd year. Time for the year-end review. Odd year. Not a great year, not a bad year. Not terrible either. A lot happened and with the bads came some goods. Canned goods and even fake cans*. Everything evened itself out this year. As for the decade, my three favorite years were 2004, 2006 and 2002. I'd probably take one year in the next ten as good as those three.

I'm going to give out some awards. I do the song one every year.

SONG OF THE YEAR: I could have gone with some unknown folk band song that I feel really described my year in 2009 but instead, I'm giving this award to the Black Eyed Peas. Yep. "Tonight's Going to be a Good Night." When I hear that song in the future, I'll always think of 2009.

BAR OF THE YEAR: It's The Little Bar. Unanimous choice which is cool because I'm the only one voting on this award. Bad year for bars all around. I don't really remember much of summer. Where did I go? But don't really have any bad experiences. Spread the wealth at Club 185, Bar Louie, Patio and Callahans. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart from the High Beck which wins ...

GERMAN VILLAGE BAR OF THE YEAR: The High Beck (by default)

WORST BAR OF THE YEAR: Club 185. This is odd because I have a man/lady crush on 95 percent of the people who work there, but the televisions and back room meetings (for real) have totally soured us on the experience. Now, I can't really say I'll ever boycott the place entirely (one or two nights a month, it just happens) but it's no longer an "option" for any purpose. I'd rather support another bar any day of the week. First time ever Lindey's didn't win this designation from me.

WHAT?! BAR AWARD: I spent time at Moziak and The Godfather/Chancellor hung out at Mynt. These are one-time deals.

CRAZIEST CHICK OF THE DECADE: Alamanda. Not only did she pen an entire blog post about me (I'd say about 500 words), she went on to go insane on me every time we hung out, once called me 23 times in a row because I did not congratulate her on a win over Mississippi State and eventually cussed me out and told me to fuck off after sending this text on the day after Thanksgiving. "Good luck against Auburn this afternoon." Certifiably nuts. Had some damn good nights though.

TV SHOW: Favorite new new show is "Modern Family." Favorite show show is "The Wire." Without doubt the greatest television show of all-time, I implore anyone with 60-hours to kill to watch the entire series. You're immediate reaction will be "HOW THE FUCK WASN'T I WATCHING THIS SHOW?!"

MOVIE: I saw a lot of movies this year at the theatre ... I'm guessing about 15 and "Up in the Air" easily is the best I've seen ... maybe even this decade. Other goodies during the year were "Jennifer's Body," "Drag Me to Hell," and "Brothers not the bar."

WEB SITE: The Big Lead (dot com). The comments are fantastic, there are no bizarre inside jokes that no one gets and the writing is about shit I care about. I fucking love that Web site. It blows away Deadspin by about 4,000 miles.

TEAM: Ah ... my teams let me down this year. Tribe sucked. Browns were awful. The Yankees, Penguins and Steelers (maybe my three most hated professional teams) all won titles and the Cavs went 66-16 before shitting the bed in the ECF when Orlando made 78 percent of their 3-point shots. Don't worry, Orlando went back to making 17 percent against the Lakers in the finals. No team wins that award this year. Oh yeah, Ohio State missed five shots to beat Siena in the NCAA tournament (SIENA not the crayon) and the football Buckeyes lost their two big marquee OOC games.

SPORTS MOMENT: 1. Firing of Eric Wedge, 2. Barclay's kick to beat Iowa, 3. LeBron's shot against the Magic, 4. Beating Penn State in football, 5. Ohio State's march to the NCAA tournament.

There you have it. Didn't get into the more personal stuff because that's been a freaking roller coaster but overall a pretty solid year. I'd give it a B-.

- AMG

* - titties

I want this guy at Ohio State. I don't care if he's not that sweet.

Everything you ever wanted to know about the Holiday Bowl.

I love the Holiday Bowl because I've watched every Holiday Bowl at a bar (I went and looked) from 1999 to the present. That's incredible.

1999 - Jillian's (Boardman, Ohio)
2000 - Varsity Club (Youngstown, Ohio)
2001 - Varsity Club (Youngstown, Ohio)
2002 - Jay Jay's (Youngstown, Ohio)
2003 - Fogarty's (Key West, Fla.)
2004 - Fogarty's (Key West, Fla.)
2005 - Club 185
2006 - Club 185
2007 - Club 185
2008 - Club 185

My favorite all-time bar moment happened when The Chancellor chased a Michigan fan out of Club 185 following the 2005 Alamo Bowl.

WEEKLY REMINDER ON WHY I LOVE THE LITTLE BAR

- Great trip home. The entire month of December caught up to me on Christmas Day as I went through a non-drinking induced funk all day. It's one of the oddest days I've ever had. Slept 'til 11 a.m., napped from 2:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. and then went to bed at 11:30 p.m. ODD.

- I did not go outside for one second on Christmas nor did I shower.

- I got a new comforter for my bed (amazing), a Rose Bowl ticket, headphones, a picture frame and a sweater for Christmas. Being 31 ... I was 13 during my last real "gift getting" Christmas ... that year I got a REALISTIC portable CD player that's about as big as a computer printer.



- I love college bowl season.

- Had a fantastic Sunday Night Drinking last night.

- Watched "Dumb and Dumber" ... that movie is fucking hilarious. I've seen it a bunch but probably not in about five years. After watching "The Hangover" again this weekend, "Dumb and Dumber" blows it away although it's hilarious how un-hot those bikini models look at the end of the movie. I'm convinced there were no hot chicks before 2002. Also, I am going to have to say it ... "The Hangover" is a tad bit overrated.

- I leave for LAX in about 72 hours. Part of the reason I'm excited to go is just to post lyrics from "Party in the USA" on my Facebook status upon arrival.

- PLEASE NFL, no more "NFC East Match up of the Week Every Week" next year on SNF and MNF.

- Sad we only have one more Little Bar Sunday to go. Without Adam around on Sundays (sad), it's a little less lawless (sad), but there's so much rampant gambling, swearing, shot-taking, I can't get enough. I was the only one in the bar yesterday from about 12:45 p.m. to 1:10 p.m. (I got to pick every game on TV ... my motto was "Fuck the NFC.") I went with Raiders-Browns on the huge TV (sound), and went with KC-Cincy, Balt-Pit, Jax-NE, Houston-Miami ... and switched from Jax-NE to New Orleans late. Molly and Jess had their normal 3-for-4, with five RBI and two steals game behind the bar. On the cute scale (1-10), Molly checks in without about a 42. Also had a guy upstairs (?!?) who bet the Packers so he watched upstairs. YEAH BABY is maybe my favorite SUNDAY DEGENERATE WHO DRINKS AT BARS ON SUNDAYS. As you know, the only Hall of Famers ever are The Last of the Mohicans ('07), Bear ('07), Marshawn ('08), Steelers Guy ('08) and YEAH BABY ('09). He was in rare form yesterday and we all ordered Adriaticos. It was great. I stayed until about 5:30 p.m. I think and it was like a fucking blizzard outside. I had no clue despite there being 100 windows in The Little Bar. Can't wait for one last go-around next weekend. ... And then another one for the BCS National Championship game.

- Thoughts on OSU-WVU on Saturday, Jan. 23?

- AMG

Dunkin' on a reindeer.

Saw Larry Fitzgerald last night at Bar Louie. This post will not cover that topic.

Walking to lunch today I spotted Sean Casey (real name) at Chipotle. I haven't seen the Case Ace in years. I went to eighth grade with him. We rode bikes a lot and played basketball. We also went to college together and his turnover in a intermural quarterfinal game cost us the season. Later that night though, Sean Connelly hit a 3-pointer to beat Illinois in a 9 p.m. game. We drank at Panini's South with some hot freshmen from my sister's dorm. I loved cold Thursday nights at O-State when you'd be waiting in line to get into a bar and no one was wearing a coat.

This post is NOT about professional athletes though. Or people with the same name as a pro.

I love jackets as they allow me to cover my shirt and wear the same thing a lot. I told McGinley in the summer of '06 that I have like "six or seven shirts."

I have gotten some more shirts in the past few years but have stayed consistent with my jackets.

North Face

Oct. 2005 through Nov. 2008

Lady Jacket

Nov. 2008 through Present

The Game Changer

Dec. 2009 through Present

I originally signed my brown North Face jacket to a two-year deal. I eventually negotiated a final one-year deal to close its tenure in the German Village. During a drunken late night at Club 185 in December 2006 (the night I brought home that blonde with the giant fake boobs) I thought to myself that I should write a book from the perspective of my North Face jacket. I should drink more often.

We call my current jacket the Lady Jacket because that crazy blonde drunk chick that NJAG knows (I forgot her blog name) said, "Why are you wearing a lady's jacket?!?!?"

I've gotten good reviews on the Lady Jacket and wear it a ton but in the recent months it's become too big. I don't like wearing it out on weekends. I missed the North Face's ability to also be a shirt. I went out this past weekend and bought a new coat.

If you saw my Facebook status updates over the weekend, I've been calling this new jacket "The Game Changer."

SCENE
Urban Outfitters

TIME
1 p.m. Saturday

LOCATION
Check-out register

SCRIPT
Check-out lady: "Nice jacket."
Me: "Yeah, it's a game changer."
Check-out lady:

I've worn The Game Changer out twice now. I'm 2-for-2 with the ladies in that time. I cannot stress the impact of this coat jacket. I do think that last night's Bar Louie activities had more to do with having a seat at the bar. If you have a seat at the bar after 1 a.m. at Bar Louie, you will hook up. It's hard not to make it happen.

And while you can't mention Bar Louie without saying its expensive (a $36 tab last night?!?), I do like the place. They had both games on last night and when the Ohio State game ended, they flipped over to California-Kansas. One drawback? They play music the entire time.

Bar Louie was packed last night and filled with tons of chicks. If you were between 24 and 26 and a hot chick, you were at the Lou last night. Our seats are the bar were perfect. I did not take off my Game Changer even though they had the heat crankin'.

There's a couple more things I wanted to mention. I can't remember them.

Merry Christmas!

Fred Davis celebrates his election as the Mayor of Southwest Ohio. With his 11 yd TD catch, the Damned Dirty Ape advances to its first title game next week.

- Christmas falling on a Friday or Saturday (or Sunday) is the worst thing ever. It totally blows two weekends (with NYE being the next). Christmas always should be on a Tuesday or Wednesday. Hell, I'd settle for Monday.

- Wings and Brew Pizza on North High Street near The Little Bar just makes me laugh. It's arguably the poorest run restaurant ever. You never know when it'll be open or closed and sometimes they close "around 8 p.m." You can order from there and return twice to pick it up only to have them tell you, "we'll bring it to you" and then forget. No homo hyperbole.

- It's so cold out that my hands get all itchy and uncomfy after I get inside and take off my gloves.

- I'm usually real good with schedules and what-not but I totally forgot there's a week of regular season football on Sunday, Jan. 3. There's two more Little Bar Sundays for me. That's awesome. Very incredible bonus. The meatball sub/pizza combo from Adriatico's yesterday hit the spot.

- Drinking Season is back-on in full effect. I'm not going to go out tonight but Christmas Eve probably is the only other night this week I'll "stay in."

- Wayyyyy down here at the bottom is our my weekly fantasy update. I'm minus-45 to Simian Nation for first in scoring with two weeks remaining. I had another strong week but so did he as we both lead the league with 89 points this past week. I hope Indy shuts down Manning here in the final two weeks. My entire team has guys who should play through Week 17.

PF Chang's for lunch, meet 5 hour car ride. Hey, howya doin'!

If imitation is indeed the truest form of flattery, consider this post my attempt to flatter AMG.


TONIGHT

5pm Go home, feed and walk Bella, do some laundry

8pm Cab it to Little Bar for this, this and these with The Mayor, AMG and ??? (McGinley? Ozzie Canseco? The Truth? Delta Burke?)

11pm Skully's for the 1 and Lou the Toe's birthday party


TOMORROW

(Odds of The Chancellor taking a sick day? 52% as of 2:42pm EST)

11:30am The 3rd or 4th Annual GVM PF Chang's Holiday Luncheon Extravaganza featuring Wayne Newton and Lil' Wayne*

Rest of the day and night Probably nothing, maybe something. Not sure.

*Invited, subject to change

SATURDAY

Not much during the day, probably wrap Christmas presents and get the haircut I've needed for a week

8:30pm TD Hoodie's b-day party and Saints vs. Cowboys at Classics GV


SUNDAY

12:40pm The Little Bar.

8pm Weekend over :*(


-The Chancellor

TOO SOON


Hines Ward thinks Chris Henry should play Sunday against San Diego.

Sad? Absolutely.
Tragic? No Question.
Surprising? Not one bit.

Chris Henry dead at age 26

-The Chancellor

If these ladies come to Columbus in February, depending on the mix of alcohol, hockey and more alcohol that occurs, there's a better than 50/50 chance GVM fights them or sleeps with them. Or both.

-The Chancellor

The Big11Ten Council of Presidents/Chancellors this week announced its intention to explore the possibility of adding a 12th team to the conference.

As a Chancellor myself, I am all for a 12th team.

Western Division
Iowa
Northwestern
Illinois
Minnesota
Wisconsin
Indiana or Missouri

Eastern Division
Michigan State
Michigan
Ohio State
Purdue
Penn State
Indiana or Rutgers or West Virginia

Though Notre Dame would make the most sense, there is no chance of Notre Dame giving up their NBC contract and their cushy agreement with the BCS to join a conference. Pitt and Cincinnati don't make sense given that Ohio and Western Pennsylvania are already in the conference's foot print.

College football has never been a major player in the NYC market, so Rutgers joining the premier northern conference has nothing but upside, but West Virginia or Missouri feels like the more natural fit to me.

Michigan and Ohio State should be in the same division to protect their regular season finale and preclude them from meeting again in the conference championship game, just as Oklahoma and Texas are both in the Big XII South to protect the Red River Shootout.

The unspoken implication of "loading up" one division with OSU, PSU and UM is that, in an average year, one of those three teams can be in position to play for a national championship. Of course the conference wants the TV rights and gate from a Conference Championship game in Lucas Oil Stadium, but they don't actually want their golden ticket to the BCS Title Game to be in peril, so a match up with Western Division champion Minnesota or whoever the heck wins it would be a nice little bow on that season.

Every now and again you'd get an Iowa vs. Ohio State game (like the one that would've happened in 2002, or the one that by default did happen this past season) and you just hope to be in the SEC's position from this year where the winner is going regardless. But, more often than not, you'd have the Texas/Nebraska scenario from this season and we Presidents and Chancellors will just have to hope that our referees work as hard as the Big XII guys did to keep our champion on track for the title game.

-The Chancellor

Season not quite over just yet.

Ohio State junior guard Evan Turner, sidelined by a pair of fractured vertebrae in his spine, told a source close to The Lantern Tuesday night that he “will be back playing in three weeks.”

McGinley and I will be attending tonight's game in a section called SB 19. Has anyone ever heard anything about this one? Spring Break? Spring Break!

Republicans ruled the roost. In Ohio and elsewhere. George W Bush was finishing up his first term and looking good for a re-election bid. Ronald Reagan was ill, but still over a month away from passing on. There were rumblings about an investigation in Cleveland of some Treasurer's office shenanigans.

Christopher Reeve was still fighting his battle for stem cell research. Anna Nicole Smith had the #1 show in the land. The Yankees signed Alex Rodriguez, and the Curse of the Bambino still lived. There was talk of a possible hockey strike after the NHL season ended. I still lived on Sycamore and weighed somewhere around 250 lbs.

Sea Biscuit had just lost out to one of the Lord of the Rings movies for the Best Picture Academy Award. "Yeah" by Usher was the #1 song in the land. Howard Stern had the #1 show on free radio. The Da Vinci Code was a popular book. This blog had not yet been created.

The economy was strong. Lehman Brothers still existed. Ken Lay had not yet been charged in the ENRON collapse. The Iraq war was favored by the majority of Americans. Global warming was not an issue yet. Little McGinley and the Glimmer were years away from being born.

It was March 29, 2004. Seem like a long time ago? Well, that's because it was, folks.

It was also the last time the Buffalo fucking Sabres beat the Columbus Blue Jackets. We've owned them ever since.

Now it's not as long of an ass owning as the Buckeyes over Michigan or championships over Buffalo sports in anything, but it's significant.

Those loser punks. We should start a tracker of how many days it has been since we lost to the Sabres. It's been a pretty sweet five year run if you ask me, which you didn't, but fuck you.

I illustrate this point because a) I'm fucking hilarious, but b) and perhaps more important, there are very few things in life that are given. Death, Taxes, the predictable Chancellor-launches-into-an-unprovoked-angry-tirade-against-McGinley-once-a-night occurrence, and the far-too-frequently-used-hyphenated-words blog post, but not much else. Ohio has had like six Attorneys General during this time. I have had - Jesus, I don't even want to count - let's just say several girlfriends since then. There just aren't very many things you can count on anymore. Us beating the Sabres is one.

Too bad we don't play them until February 6th. We could really use the win right now.

See you there, suckers.

THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD (involves the Truth, The Mayor, "No Jeans")

Two years ago this weekend, I joined The Chancellor, the former Lady McGinley and McGinley at Jimmy V's on a Saturday night. We watched Carolina host Dallas in Saturday Night Football. Earlier in the day I went to the Florida-Ohio State basketball game with a German exchange student. I've said on many occassions that Jimmy V's is where good times go to die, but on this night, well, it's not like Jimmy V's saved the night by any stretch it's just where we happened to start the plan.

Some people we used to know used to hang out with organized a party at the High Beck. It was a high end affair that apparently included a line about not wearing jeans to the party. The Chancellor (invited) took offense to this text on the invitation and swore the party off. Art McGregor (uninvited) didn't mind this as this meant we had a greater chance of going to the Arena District later that evening. We didn't and this is the night that The Mayor would save Christmas at Club 185.

Sitting at Jimmy V's, we both started getting texts from the Truth about our plans for the evening. He was going to the party at the High Beck.

He was wearing jeans, entered the party and had no problems. Jeans were allowable on second look.

We sent him this barrage of text messages anytime he asked us to come.

FACT: "Can't go. It's a no jeans party."

the Truth: "I'm here. People have jeans on!"

QUESTION: "Really? I heard you can't wear jeans to the party."

the Truth: "No, I am wearing jeans."

CONCERN: "I don't know. I don't want to start any trouble."

the Truth: "No trouble! People have jeans on!!!"

OPTIMISM: "Look, I'm just looking to have a good time tonight and from what I know, this is a 'no jeans' party."

the Truth: "Just come, there are chicks!"

Repeat.

This went on for a solid hour and still to this day is the most enjoyable Saturday night in December texting spree I've ever had the pleasure of joining.

Big news out of The German Village last night that The Godfather has changed his name to The Chancellor. This is helpful because I now know how to spell chancellor. My previous affiliation with the word came in the form of Van Chancellor a long-time women's basketball coach whose entire name sounds like a last name.

It'd be nice if the name change breathed some new life into this blog as I became aware last night at The Mayor's Christmas Party that eight or nine people don't read this blog on a daily basis, it's more like 25 or 26 depending on who you're relying. Yes, it's a christmas party. Only communists say "H*ppy H*l*d*ys."

Fantastic evening at the Gracie Mansion as I was one of only three males not wearing a flannel/plaid shirt tucked in (not that I don't have one).

I'm all for the name change, by the way. The Godfather put in a solid three years (always as a namesake and usually as a poster). The Chancellor has a chance to be of equal stature.

Moving on ...

- Today marks The 1's birthday. I commented on his Facebook wall that he's quite quote-alicious winning "Quote of the Week" honors at football games as often as The Mayor won "Best Dressed."

We'll be celebrating Thursday night at Skully's/Skull-leeeeees. I'll be starting my night early by clicking "LIKE" on any chick's Facebook status that changes to "XXXX XXXX is single." No really, Imma just probably head to The Little Bar for a bit to see that one bartender in a Santa outfit. Imma? Oops. I am checking out athlete's Twitter accounts far too often.

- Fantasy Football!? F-YEAH! In the race for highest points in our league three people still have a legit chance to win the prize. Simian Nation has 873 points, Mathlete 845 points and Art McGregor 828 points. With three weeks remaining, it'll likely come down to Art McGregor and Mathlete because Simian Nation has Peyton Manning and he probably won't play much in the final three games. Let's go Aaron Rodgers!! No relation to TR O'Bannon. I still think it's Mathlete's as Chris Johnson is this year's "if you have this guy, you're winning your league" guy. Mathlete also benefits most from the league's scoring system with guys like Jake Cutler (no negative points for INTs) and Willis McGahee (only scores TDs/steals them from Ray Rice). I'm still hanging on to hope like a candle in the wind.

As of midnight, The Chancellor is officially sworn in following a press conference earlier in the evening.

-The Chancellor

I usually like to use a photo at the top of a blog post, but given the subject matter, I'm not even going to attempt to google one for this post. The topic is porn. You know, the number 1 reason the Internet exists? As McGinley so plainly told the Mayor on Saturday, "You look at it online. I look at it online. Everyone looks at porn online."

And there really is no shortage of porn available online, for anything you're into. Guy and a girl? Guy and two girls? Two guys and a girl in a pizza place? Two white girls, a black guy, and another guy watching? Girl on girl? Guy on guy? MILF? Teen? BJ? HJ? FJ? Anal? Blond? Black on blond? It's all out there, and so much more.

And I've only ever perused the free stuff. It's beyond my ability to fathom just what you can get if you're willing to have a credit card charged every month for the next three years or whatever ridiculous terms they lock you into and then you're too embarrassed to call your bank and fight the charges.

I always appreciate the sites that categorize everything for you, cause you never, at least I never, want to see a fat chick in porn, and I can just skip right over the BBW stuff. Searchable sites are awesome, too, because sometimes there's a plot or star that you just want to see that day.

Anyway, this is all a roundabout way of getting to my point, which refers back to Tori Black, number 7 on AMG's chick list in the post beneath this one. She has a star tattoo on her pubic bone/hip region. This is a major turnoff for me, and if anyone reading this is thinking about going into porn, I highly recommend that you avoid getting any tattoos or markings.

I know what you're asking yourself, why is that so important? Well, you see, watching porn is on some level about the fantasy for the viewer. He's putting himself in the shoes of the guy who comes home only to find that the babysitter has discovered his collection of dirty movies and is enjoying them. He's remembering that time he went over to his buddies house, but his buddy wasn't home, and his buddy's mom invited him in for iced tea and imagining things escalating from there. He's the one who comes out of the shower in his hotel room to find two busty Latina housemaids cleaning his room, and his towel slips off, and they both fall to their knees.

And in his fantasy, they never have a giant star tattoo next to their vajay-jay! How am I supposed to agree-to-believe the plot of a movie where the innocent college girl next door is looking to learn some moves from a more experienced man before her big date when the supposedly innocent girl has that tattoo? It just blows the whole mood, quite frankly.

That's not to say that Tori Black doesn't belong on AMG's list, and I'm sure some guys are reading this and thinking about that chick they used to live with who had tattoos all over and thinking, "what the hell is he talking about," but I think it really limits the roles she can get.

So consider that a lesson, prospective porn stars: If the role calls for skin ink, you can always go the henna route. But keep your options, and everything else for that matter, open!

-The Godfather

So I feel kinda dirty about calling Delta Burke "not totally un-doable" so I have to make my top ten list of chicks.

10. Shanae Grimes

9. Jessica Szohr

8. Katelynn Johnson

7. Porn Star Tori Black

6. That One Really Hot Bartender at The Little Bar on Sundays

5. Brittany The CW Star

4. Jessica Stroup

3. Natalie Portman

2. Marisa Miller

1. Keira Knightley

* Miley Cyrus not eligible.

Find that h because it's going to be a HUGE week. Also, it's kind of like a Thursday week. And many people name Thursday "TH" instead of just "T" as to not confuse it with Tuesday.

I mean, it's the last "real" week of the year. I'm sure a lot will get done the next two three-day weeks. Yep. We'll all be working hard.

So this is like Thursday because it's your last chance to put shit in the "done" column. If you make columns or lists or that type of silly shit. Loser.

TONIGHT

Christmas w/ The Mayor.

TOMORROW

The 1's birthday but really just a shitty Tuesday (no offense).

WEDNESDAY

TD Hoodie's b-day! One last day to rest up before the weekend.

THURSDAY

Chicks in Santa costumes at The Little Bar, The 1's birthday fest at Skully's.

FRIDAY

Annual GVM PF Chang's Holiday lunch? FRIDAY!

SATURDAY

Hoodie-bday-fest in the German Village! No jeans party at the High Beck?

SUNDAY

The Little Bar.

I've been in look-ahead mode for most of this blog's past year. Haven't done many recaps. This weekend deserves a recap. Whether or not I do it justice, well, that remains to be seen. It really does because I'm typing this right now and can't see what I'm going to type in the future. This isn't like high school when I'd manually write out a paper before typing it on my computer [insert sound of old school printer].

Long weekend despite it being the standard 48 hours. Not long in a bad way either. Felt longer than your usual Friday after work to Monday morning weekend. Packed a lot into it. Tight.

Went home to Youngstown on Friday night and got to chill with my niece. Had a blast. Ate well. Nine'd better.

Left the Yo around 4:30 p.m. on Saturday (4:31 p.m.). Stopped for gas. Ran into my cousin who said he wanted to come see me Saturday morning but that he had a "rough Friday night." He had just woken up. He was born on Jan. 15, 1992. He drives a truck and has a few tats.

Went to The R Bar at 8 p.m. with The Godfather. We stayed there until well after midnight (but before 1 a.m.). That's the longest I've ever stayed there. It gets kind of packed after Blue Jackets games and we ran into Delta Burke. She works at Max & Erma's in the German Village and admitted to us that on Fridays she works in the kitchen. She is not an entirely un-doable chick so that admission was kind of shocking. Drank a lot. Finished up the night at The Beck Tavern. The boycott is going strong!!

Played The G-father in the worst game of darts ever. We had some hybrid scoring system going before both of us quit. Two years ago today, I beat McCampus in electronic darts at The Hey Hey. Heyyyyy. Congrats on getting married and sharing my birthday.

Also saw Fab Five Freddy for the first time in ages at the Beck. Also while the bar only had like 15 in it, there were like three or four decent chicks.

That chick really did look like Delta Burke.

the Truth's chick also was there (R Bar) and we talked to her for like 20 minutes.

NJAG joined us at the Beck and her table of dudes had tons of personality. Those guys were awesome. I'll laugh all week thinking about their general great spirit, personalities and non-awkwardness. Walked home from the Beck. I had thought that place was six miles away. Not at all. It's close.

Fun continued on Sunday. The Little Bar is reaching its zenith for '09. This is the time of the year where I wake up on Monday morning and think, "I cannot wait for Sunday."

McGinley and The 1 joined me at the bar of the bar. They had my two favorite bartenders working and we watched games, ate, drank, stared at butts. Fucking great day.

The 1 asked me about my favorite bars in Columbus and I struggled to come up with names. I obviously said 185, The Little Bar and R Bar. After that I struggled. I like The Patio in the summer and in the winter when they have good bands playing. Bar Louie (while expensive) is a cool place as is Callahans. Classics ... eh ... and the High Beck is a good drinking bar. That's it. That's my list.

A new guy has entered into the "SUNDAY BAR HALL OF FAME." In '07 we had Bear and The Last of the Mohicans. Last year Marshawn and Steelers Guy entered. This year we have "YEAH BABY" or "Chargers Hat" joining the fray. This guy is awesome and bets all the game and paces around the bar. He says "YEAH BABY" at least 30 times an afternoon. He yelled out "ARE YOU WATCHING THIS!?" during the second possession of the Rams-Titans (non-Super Bowl) game.

Big week ahead ...

Welcome to Smith and Wollensky. I put yuz all on one tab, and I ain't happy about it. What's with all this orderin' drinks and eatin' food and laughin'? What do you think we are some kinda resty-rant?

Let's see some credit cards over here right now, I don't care whether you're done or you ain't. I don't much like you types. What do you think you can come in here and have a good time? Well forget it. Now get the Hell outta here!

Ohio State basketball fans wait for Thad to start pressing in the second half.

Also Receiving Votes: Ohio State

- Monday

Language NSFW

Enjoy and have a nice weekend.



-The Godfather

Ted Strickland in The Youngstown Vindicator:

“I am in good shape and ready for the fight,” he said. “If any of those bloggers want to take me on in a cage fight, bring them on. Bring them on.”

Well, guess what? I accept. McGinley, give me my mask, I've got a cage match to train for.

BTW, Since when do cardiologists treat diseases of the nervous system?

-The Godfather

The Red Sox acquired Boof Bonser today. His name is Boof. Print your World Series tickets now.

The Little Bar stepped up its game last night with $2 beers and flat-screen televisions. You wanted a game on? It was on! Plenty of action on The Mtn. Watched Michigan-Utah in basketball! Who knew!? Blue Jackets-Predators?! On. They did not have a small crappy TV pointed toward a stage area however. Boo!!!

The Browns beat the Steelers. Brady Quinn 1, Ben Rapelisberger 0. Ah yes. Joyous. Panda-monium (MJ) broke out when the final seconds ticked off. So happy. Season made. That's the great thing about being a fan of a shitty team. If you beat your rival, your season is made. As long as the Browns now get Suh, CJ Spiller or Eric Berry ... we're set! (Hopefully all three.)

The 1 loved it as well and about halfway in declared, "we're coming here Sunday!" Smiles.

I am heading home to Poland, Ohio this evening for the night. Back tomorrow. It's my b-day on Sunday so if anything is going on tomorrow night, please let me know. Boo-ya!!

WEEKEND UPDATE

FRIDAY

7:30 p.m. - Arrive in Poland, Ohio

SATURDAY

9 a.m. - Wake up and play with Ellie
noon - Watch Butler beat Ohio State in basketball
2:30 p.m. - Watch Navy beat Army in the first half
5 p.m. - Head back to C-Bus
8 p.m. - Start drinkin'

SUNDAY

12:30 p.m. - Head to The Little Bar
4:15 p.m. - Weekend over. :(

Next week is the last real week of 2009. We've got The 1's birthday celebration Thursday night at Gaydies Ladies 80's.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!

A co-worker who is an alumna of Notre Dame and receives breaking news text alerts directly from the University reports that Brian Kelly is the new head coach of the Fighting Irish as of 4:50pm EST.

-The Godfather

Hi gang. Yeah, it's me - the masked bandit. Or mask bandit, depending on how you look at it. Haven't blogged in a while and for that I'm very sorry. I've been remarkably busy, and to be honest, my mind has just been on some other things.

But don't worry. I still have all kinds of incredibly funny things to say and write about our rootin'-tootin' times. I also am still overwhelmingly negative about sports and am sure to drive the Godfather crazy once more when I return.

Little prayer out there right now for Mao's dad, who's in the ICU in a North Carolina hospital. Looks like he'll be okay, though.

Be back soon, I promise. I know you all miss me. I kinda miss me too.

Very meta- Daroff mentions GVM on his Facebook page after his Facebook page is mentioned on GVM.

h/t Dr. Rhesus Feces

-The Godfather

Bowl season starts in a couple weeks. Are we going to do a GVM College Bowl Poll? I think those things are awesome and even if we only get 15-20 people or whatever, that's still around $300 to the winner. I nominate The Godfather to organize this endeavor. Can I get a second?

I found two links this week that I absolutely love. I'm pissed I didn't think of this one but it's great. Give it a read, even if you don't like college football. It's hilarious. (Compares college football teams to people who go to dances.)

Also, the Tennessee hostess scandal has been all the rage at The New York Times. A Web site called "The Angry T" tracked down the photos of the chicks. Good work!

- AMG

Top Ten Things I've Learned From Facebook Today

10. It's windy today

9. Christmas Vacation has been on a lot lately, and everyone knows at least one quote by heart

8. It's finals week at OSU... and no one can wait until they are over. In fact, many students can tell you just how many hours it is until their Christmas break begins

7. William Daroff eats at a place called Eli's in Washington every freaking day

6. Did I mention it's really windy today?

5. Kasich leads Strickland 49-38, according to a Rasmussen poll

4. Everybody regrets that they watched Jersey Shore, but everybody watched Jersey Shore

3. It's Hump Day! Only two more days to the weekend!

2. The Biggest Loser finale was amazing last night, according to the few folks who didn't watch Jersey Shore

1. Seriously, it's Windy

-The Godfather

A hypothetical scenario with no factual basis behind it what-so-ever:

A twenty-something named Able has obtained an object that, because of the manner in which it was obtained, holds sentimental value to him.

Able's friend Baker, in his late 30's, brazenly absconds with the object whilst Able is in the shower.

Subsequently, Baker gives the object to Charlie, a tween-aged boy, who is the son of Baker's fiance, Sparkles.

Does not Able have a reasonable expectation of Baker to return the object?

-The Godfather

A conundrum.

Over the weekend in Louisville, a discussion to boycott the establishment on the corner of Livingston and Mohawk Streets in German Village sprouted up. The consensus by voice vote was that the establishment should be boycotted until certain conditions are met. The conditions, among other things, include the installment of non-shitty TV's.*

*I, along with every other non-vision impaired visitor to the establishment in question, have been talking about their shitty TV's for like 5 years. The fact that we are 22 days away from the '10 decade and they still haven't made upgrades has ceased to be a, "retro-cool, we're not a sports bar" thing and now just looks cheap.

Anyway, I am supposed to have lunch there today with a couple other monkeys from fantasy football. Therein lies the conundrum.

A solution.

Eating lunch in the boycotted saloon is permissible. The boycott is in effect from 7pm-2am until further notice.

-The Godfather

Did You Know:

In the 2009 Monkey House Draft, SMQR IV: Romulus Remus Monke and The Big Mouse had the first and second draft picks, respectively. They will meet in the Week 16 Toilet Bowl game, the annual matchup of last place teams from each division.

-The Godfather

Per usual, I have no plans for my birthday and nappily, it falls on a Sunday this year but the day is overshadowed by McCampus' nuptials that same afternoon.

I'll be heading home to Poland (Ohio) on Friday after work but will return back to Columbus on Saturday evening.

If there are any post-Easton plans, please let me know.

Thanks!

- AMG

Some thoughts ...

- What a great time in Louisville. My highlight is that we had about 15 guys and still had a freaking great time. There were no weak links and from 3:43 p.m. until about 3:30 a.m., I had 12 straight hours of non-stop fun. Not once the entire trip did I think, "ahh ... I should have stayed home" or "this isn't very fun." Total blast and easily one of the best days of 2009.

- Talked with The 1 earlier today about The Little Bar for Thursday night's Steelers-Browns game. We're in. If the Browns were to win, it'd be GOODNIGHTNOW for the Steelers season. So yes, I would be 1,000 percent happy with the NFL season if the Browns go 2-14 but beat the Steelers on Thursday night. Steelers 27, Browns 7.

- Relax on the Evan Turner injury. If he's out until the Feb. 10 game, he'll miss 16 games. The Buckeyes should go 9-7 in his absence or maybe 8-8. He'll come back for the final seven games and OSU will win no less than four of those games. So worst case, they're 19-12. An Ohio State team with Evan Turner and 19 wins is going to the NCAA tournament as a 10 or 11 seed. They take shit like that into consideration.

- Sorry, UC. So close! Those damn cheating bastards. Oh well. Your next chance to play for a national title in football should come about in another 122 years.

- I highly recommend checking out the USA Today ... today! They have how all the coaches voted in their final ballot. Brian Kelly had UC No. 1. Gary Patterson had TCU No. 2. Steve Spurrier had Ohio State No. 11 behind both Penn State and Iowa. Tressel went Alabama, Texas, Florida, TCU, Cincinnati.

Not a bad little Thursday night.

R Bar Speed Bag Standings:
1. The Godfather
1. The Mayor (tie)
3. McGinley


Everyone in Section 116 (except for the Mayor, McGinley, The Godfather and the late arriving Art McGregor):


Steve Mason:


The Opponent:


The Mayor:


The People I hung out with after The Mayor's Houdini:




-The Godfather

Above: The Mayor watches the Buckeyes best the Seminoles to ice the Big11Ten's first win in the ACC/Big11Ten Challenge.

Like so many of you reading this, I am a human. And, as a human, I become very dependent on routine. Any study of the highly successful among us reveals daily patterns, habits and self discipline that give them the advantage over the disorganized.

Sleep patterns, workout routines, timely meals, and the like are key to daily success. One example for me is putting my car keys and wallet in the same place on the night stand so that I don't waste any time the next morning wondering where I've left them.

Anyway, a six-day holiday "weekend" like the one I had last week can really disturb those patterns. That's not to say the time off wasn't enjoyable, it definitely was, but it's already Thursday and I still don't feel settled in. Case in point, I looked like Grizzly Addams at work yesterday because I misplaced by gym razor, and today I'm not wearing any socks because I forgot to put them in my gym bag last night.*

*Those who know anything about me know that wearing tennis shoes without socks is one of my biggest pet peeves. I find that to be utterly disgusting. Dress shoes are slightly better, but I did describe my foot situation to an almost-total stranger this morning as like being in a Third World country.

So, this weekend we'll venture to Louisville and next week the holiday parties begin in earnest. Then it's Christmas and New Year's. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't see my routines getting back on track until after the New Year. Until then, I just hope I can remember to put on pants before I leave the house and, when possible, wear socks.

-The Godfather

VICTORY!

Go U! UW!

ILL- IO!

We are... Iowa

Those cheers don't make sense you say? Does it make sense to Jump Around in Champaign? Does it make sense to Buckeye Bounce in Evanston? Does it make sense for a Hawkeye to set its perch atop Mount Nittany?

Should Cutters be Boilering Up? Do Maize and Green go together? With how much pride could a Golden Gopher swell if a Golden Gopher could swell with pride?

For the first time ever, the Big11Ten has won the ACC/Big11Ten Challenge. Regional pride overflows with victories by Penn State, Iowa, Northwestern, Wisconsin, Illinois and Ohio State.

No thanks to Michigan, of course.

-The Godfather

It's been awhile since I heard that song. I miss my 97.1 FM not being a sports station. Colon closed parenthesis.

Longer since The Mayor, McGinley, The Godfather and I have taken a roadie. "Longer" is a top 10 Dan Fogelberg song. Download that shit. Like right away.

We're heading to Louisville (Ky. not Ohio) on Saturday for McCampus' bachelor party a week before he gets married on my birthday. That practically makes him my brother. Kinda awesome he'd pick my birthday to get married on. He went out of his way too ... it's on a Sunday. He said, "whatever day of the week, that's the day!"

Laul-ville should be a great time as we're scheduled to head into town around 2:30 p.m. (ish) and lay around for a couple hours before heading out. I wonder if The Godfather will sleep in a bathtub this time around.

Something memorable will happen. It's going to be cold and dark and there will be excellent football on all evening as well as the other stuff that happens at bachelor parties. My favorite quote about the experience goes something like this one: (I can't even take credit for saying it.)

"I want to defile some souless c*nt."

BACH-LAUR PAR-TAYS.

Lots of drinking, lots of bars, lots of afterhours establishments.

Ah yes. Just the exact type of Saturday night I dream about.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a Cadillac? Tiger can drive a golf ball straight.

Ba-da-cha

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

But seriously, folks, why are so many people surprised that a billionaire athlete, perhaps the most recognizable face in worldwide advertising after Michael Jordan, cheats on his wife?

Men: Because the average man thinks that if he were in that position he'd 'do the right thing'

Women: Because if a woman who looks like that can be cheated on, they almost certainly will be.

All of us: Because Nike, Gillette, Buick, Gatorade and just about every other corporation on Earth have invested a lot of money in convincing us just how swell he is.

Rich guys who are deified by their fellow man cheat on their wives. It sucks if you expect any more from him than to be the world's greatest golfer, which he is.

-The Godfather

Well, it finally happened. After ten plus years of living in Columbus I finally went to the city's jewel of a library today.

After lunch with McCampus at Potbelly's, we decided to enjoy the temperate day by wandering about the city. Things started off smoothly enough as we ventured around the Statehouse, but took a dramatic turn when we crossed paths with a Salvation Army bell ringer. It wasn't just any ringer... It was the Former Freddy the Falcon himself. He still wears the same hat he wore back in the Deters' Days! A few dollars lighter, we headed down Gay St. (hehehe) to check out the soon-to-be Kasich HQ's, before turning south on Grant. We passed the Seneca (that might be a cool place to live) and were headed back to the office when I mentioned that I'd never been in the Library.

"Reals? Let's do it."

Didn't get a library card, but did check out the library store (where you can buy books. What kind of person buys books at a library?!?!) and saw machines that looked like the machines you used to buy El tickets in Chicago. (Apparently they dispense coins to get out of the library parking garage, but McCampus and I have a theory that there is a secret underground train system that runs between libraries. "Can't find Sense and Sensibility here? Hop on the library express and check it out at the Northside branch!" -McCampus)

My thoughts on the library, when McCampus asked: "It's like a Barnes and Noble, but everything's free."

One city landmark down, plenty to go. Perhaps after our next lunch outing, McCampus can take me to the zoo. I hear the lights are cool this time of year.

-The Godfather

The Monkey House Playoffs are all but set with one week remaining in the fantasy regular season.

On the Silverback side, Simian Nation and Mathlete's Ape Tit are in the playoffs. The Mayor's Cheesy Choombas are in with a win or an Eight Monkeys loss. By virtue of their head-to-head win over the Choombas in week 4, Eight Monkeys would go if they win and the Cheesy Choombas lose. Furthermore, Simian Nation has locked up the division title.

The Chimp Division holds even less intrigue headed into the final week, as Lil' Seizures Damn Dirty Ape, McGinley's Fleabit Peanut Monkey and G$'s Saggy Chimp Titties are in. The only variable remaining is the division title. Damn Dirty Ape currently holds a one-game lead in the standings and can win the division with a win or a Fleabit loss. By virtue of a better division record, Fleabit would take the crown with a win coupled with a Damn Dirty Ape loss this week.

For the second consecutive season, the Godfather's Brass Monkey failed to qualify for postseason play. This year they find themselves resting in the Chimp Division basement and on track for an appearance in the Stank Bowl.

-The Godfather