"Your setting sun. You're broken drum. You're little drugs. Never forget you."


Five songs that I will be listening to on my trip back to Youngstown:

"Sail Away" - David Gray
"Weary Memory" - Iron & Wine
"Broken Drum" - Beck
"Gravity Rides Everything" - Modest Mouse
"In the Waiting Line" - Zero 7

"Broken Drum" is the best of the bunch. Outstanding song about Elliott Smith. That's friendship.

I know McGinley hates David Gray and he's got his reasons, but "Sail Away" is a song that I find difficult to dislike.

"Weary Memory," I love for just one line: "... only my freedom to fuck the whole world."

The most optimistic song I've ever heard? "Gravity Rides Everything."

And since I'm going to a funeral, "In the Waiting Line" seems like a good choice.

- Art McGregor

Wearer of commenting king has changed hands now twice.

Began with The 1, then it was CPN, now it's Utah. Props to Johnny Utah. Only Troy Smith was a better quarterback at Ohio State.

- AMG

Morning.

Nice to see The 1 out last night and spent a lot of time talking to TD Hoodie and Rick Sonbreath.

Sonbreath is on his way to Atlanta. Sounds like he's going to have a busy day today. He's going with Aunt Hurricane and I'm sure they'll have an excellent time. Jealous.

Got some loose ends to tie up here at work (I love saying that!) before heading to The Godfather's early retirement luncheon over at PF (do your) Chang's (hang low?) at 1 p.m. Then headed back to the YOUNGSTOWN for the afternoon. Should be back by 11 p.m. tonight.

Final Four is tomorrow. Woke up today to a couple outstanding texts. Perfect start to what's looking like a perfect day. I think Four Keg's patio will be full by about four minutes ago.

mistertrendy and I ruled the northwest corner of The Slo-Pitch last night. We missed everyone. Where was The Mayor? I think he made it clear to us that he wasn't going out last night (at least 14 times) but I still almost texted him about where he was and why he wasn't out.

Sis and Gahannastan were out and Sis promised that tomorrow would be "out of control." I'm not sure what she meant. Maybe that means she'll send 14 texts message per 12 minutes and promise that "I'm just looking to take it easy tonight, tomorrow night is really going to be the night."

Also, final note. Good luck, The Godfather. There is no doubt in my mind you should go to law school. (End of unsolicited advice.)

- Art McGregor

- Staff reports

Excellent day of practice. Great to see McCampus. McCampus also claimed that April would be "the month to get rowdy." I surely will remind him of this every time I see him.

Helped The Godfather clean out his office. Never knew where he worked. Nice office. Empty office. Kind of sad. Not like in a "sad crying" way, but as we were leaving with boxes, I said, "wow, I've only seen this in movies."

It was nowhere near as sad as when Michael Keaton got fired in Mr. Mom.

Things are going good for the AMG. Gahannastan wanted to know what I was up to tonight, so maybe I'll meet her and Sis out for a few drinks.

mistertrendy and I are headed back to Youngstown tomorrow afternoon for some calling hours. That's sad in a sad crying way. I will try to blog a little bit before I take off north on 71.

TD Hoodie gave me a hilarious call earlier, wondering why he's now on the blog's B-list. We have a B-list, this is awesome.

- Art McGregor

As March Madness closes, we look back at comments regarding German Village Media's top playmaker, Art McGregor.

- Staff reports

Lunch was pretty awesome over at The Slo-Pitch today. Going from "regular" to "normal" at that place, I decided to lounge at the middle booth.

Yeah right.

I didn't decide. Come on! I'd never choose to sit there when multiple high-tops were still open. True, I was late to lunch and the last one there, but hey, don't consult me. It's cool.

Lunch Waitress waited on us (at lunch!) as Godsmack hurled much sexual innuendo her way when she wasn't looking. He also admitted to liking NASCAR. We then hurled much redneck innuendo his way when he was looking.

The Mayor took over the role as New Old McGregor as he only talked about himself and let us know where we stand with him. "I'm always first," he said.

I saw The Godfather is short sleeves for the first time since summer. Forgot he had arms.

The Mayor said he's not going out tonight. We've got a softball practice scheduled for this evening at Schiller Park. I hope to get (coerce) a few people together to go out this evening. What a sad day for German Village Media. A beautiful Thursday. And, wow, no one wants to do anything. You guys going to get together and watch Grey's Anatomy with the trendys?

The Office has two hilarious episodes from Season 1 on tonight beginning at 8 p.m. If you have never seen the show, watch those tonight. You'll laugh.

I am sort of afraid to go over to UDF. I highly doubt it but I think the psycho guy who works there in the afternoon has somehow stumbled across the blog. He was flat-out mean and annoyingly weird to me on my last visit earlier this week. So if anyone wants to bring me a Gatorade, that'd be super.

Back to work, though I guess I can put it off until tomorrow seeing as how no one ever wants to go out anymore.

- Art McGregor

UCLA is going to beat Florida.

- AMG

Selected schools in the Mohawk Conference:

Beer State
Famed alums: Art McGregor, The Mayor

McGinley College
Famed alums: McGinley, The Godfather

mistertrendy A&M
Famed alums: McCampus, mistertrendy, missestrendy

Rowdy State
Famed alums (none): the Truth (attended)

- Art McGregor

For those of you who missed the '70s, and sadly, that is most of GVM's readership, you probably know very little of the band Blondie. I'm sure you've heard of them, and certainly know some of their songs, but I doubt you have a very good understanding of how great they were in their moment.

May be hard to believe but Debbie Harry was a pretty strong piece of hot ass in her day. She could also rip it with the best of them. A lot of you probably thought the front woman's name was Blondie. A lot of you would be wrong. You also may have caught her in her role as Ricki Lake's mom in the movie version of Hairspray but that was not her finest hour. You also may be aware of the fact that she was the first to introduce rap into main stream music when she rapped to Fab Five Freddy (yes, 1980's Yo! MTV Raps fans, that Fab Five Freddy) at the end of "Rapture", one of their later hits. Maybe you just remember the Muppets singing "Call me".

They are sometimes miscast as a Talkin Heads-style CBGB punk band of the era, and to some extent they were, but history wouldn't have them in the same genre as horribly talentless punk contemporaries like Iggy Pop or Patty Smith. They did start out in the New York underground, and Harry would later put out a solo album, then ultimately start to turn artsy and get more haggish. But in between all that, they made Parallel Lines.

I was going to rock the full song-by-song album review here, but I don't think it's necessary. It contains one of the biggest hits of the 1970s, Heart of Glass. I don't really like that song, but its other efforts range from mundane to truly fantastic. It also produced One Way or Another, a great song in its own right that you've probably heard me play at McStreaky after hours. Sunday Girl is probably the next-best known song on the album (no, it's not about Sis) and the version where she sings part of it in French is pretty sweet. It also has hidden gems like Picture This, Pretty Baby (she busts out a little Francais in that one too), and my personal favorite 11:59.

If you don't own it, you should. I have never steered you wrong in the past. It is their tour de force. Upon seeing it in my personal CD collection last night, McGinley's brother noted it was "one of the 20 best albums ever made". I'd have to agree. Shall we say, "Sans Pareil"? (Multiple-pun intended)

Headed over to his house in a bit to see Little McGinley. That makes me smile. On the way, I'll be listening to Parallel Lines, thinking about my life, and smiling.

Anyway, get that album.

We also need to get our softball uniform act together here. I'm around Tuesday, Wednesday, and early Thursday, then off to Chicago for Easter weekend. We can gauge seriousness of participants by their willingness to drop $50 on the uniforms. I'm sure McLimited will have us looking the best in the league. I think I may even be around for the opener.

- Ghost

p.s. I see where LeBron James picked Ohio State to win the Final Four. That's good news,because if there's one thing that guy knows, it's championships.

Yeah, so "this guy" I know got a year younger today! Yes!

Anyway, "this guy" had always thought he was born on "12-13-1978". Well, turns out the IRS and Social Security administration believe he was born on "12-13-79"!!! They told "him" to go down to the office and make the necessary changes but "he" was like, "oh yeah, whatever, fuck that. that's work!"

So congrats to this guy for being a year younger today! YES!

- Art McGregor

- Four days without going to a bar. Now, I did have a few beers last night and by few I mean three, so props to Art McGregor.

- If I feel tired today at 6 p.m. I am going to be pissed. I'm getting great sleep. I'm not drinking. How can I still be tired? Ah, yes. I think it's Saturday's EGG-scursion that is still catching up to me.

- Had dinner last night at Giuseppe's. Beautiful girl (the date, not Giuseppe, he's old and Italian), top-notch company, top-notch food, really intimidating waiter. Perhaps he read my blast on Italian people this past week. He got right up in my grill. Actually, I was sitting down so it was more like his nuts were in my face.

I paused before taking a bite of my meal that included, you guessed it, nuts. So if you enjoy getting the ol' balls in the face, eat at Giuseppe's or try to guard Greg Oden in the low post.

- What's the deal for tonight? I sent a text to McCampus yesterday evening asking him about heading to Rowdy State tonight and he responded, "gametime decision." Yeah. So I said, "see you Monday." McCampus goes to the mistertrendy school of "when I don't give an unequivocal yes, it's a no."

Maybe The Mayor will want to head out tonight? Such is Lent.

- Is Chicago bureau chief Dr. Lil' Seizures going to make it into town for the weekend? He's lucky I'm not a better friend of his. I'd be texting him like crazy. Telling him to come into town. Making him feel guilty for not hanging out with us. A lot of, "come on." And, "Hey, Chicago really sounds like the place to be when Ohio State is in the Final Four. Enjoy Navy Pier!"

I just sent him a text.

- I am currently enjoying a Shooting Star from Northstar Cafe. EXCELLENT. Half orange juice. Half carrot juice. ALL ORANGE. McCampus said, "Northstar Cafe? What's that? They serve chili there?"

- Headed back to Youngstown tomorrow afternoon to help lay to rest a dad of a good friend of mine. Sad day. But I'll be back later that night to get rowdy with everyone.

- I'm sometimes not an excellent person.

- Art McGregor

In the past I’ve compared German Village Media members to the cast of Entourage and Golden Girls.

Today, as we count down to the Othello Odens’ Final Four trip to Atlanta and our Final Four trip to Egglanta, I compare us to the basketball Buckeyes.

(Author’s note: Dr. Lil’ Seizures of the Chicago bureau assisted in the crafting of this list.)

McGinley = Mike Conley
He’s the leader of our team and the straw that stirs the drink (sometimes the shit). Always looks to drop a dime to a teammate first, but score in his own right when he wants to.

The Mayor = Greg Oden
He’s a force when he’s banging on bodies, but sometimes gets in foul trouble (fouled out of the Slo-Pitch) and leaves the game early (without telling anyone he’s leaving).

Art McGregor = Daequan Cook
Shoot first, apologize later. Looks to score first and foremost, rarely plays defense and occasionally drops an assist.

The Godfather = Rex (Ron) Lewis
Willing to take a backseat to superstars and egos early on, you want the ball (steering wheel) in his hands late in the game (when everyone’s drunk).

mistertrendy = Jamar Butler
A founding member of German Village Media’s success, you see less and less of him as time goes by. Still a solid performer when he wants to be.

Lil’ Seizures = David Lighty
He might keep the warm-ups on for most of the game, but always ready to contribute when he gets in the game. A consummate team player.

McCampus (HOF) = Othello Hunter
A solid contributor when he’s in the game, but sometimes it seems he’d prefer playing with Ed and Charles O’Bannon, Toby Bailey, and George Zidek.

Rick Sonbreath = Ivan Harris
He’s been around for a while, but he seems to really be coming into his own of late. Underrated for his assists and defense, never doubted for his ability to score at will.

the Truth = Matt Terwilliger
You never know what to expect, but it’s always interesting and usually ends ugly.

The 1 = Danny Peters
Haven't seen either of them since the Central Connecticut game two weeks ago.

Late arrivers to Egg-lanta = Kyle Madsen/Mark Titus
Don’t see them all season, but they still take front row seats for the big games.

- The Godfather

Guess that post The Godfather promised came in invisible ink.

Had a lunch over at Panera at Campus State. The Mayor (dean), The Godfather (professor) and Art McGregor (student) enjoyed the expensive fare. But you know something? It was good. It wasn't confusing. It was easy to park. It was good.

Noticed one girl who looked like she had taken both Brutus Buckeye heads and stuffed them into her chest area. That wasn't too bad. We left and discussed what a scene out the EGG would look like if we won it all. I said I'd climb on the sign and rip down the G in "George" and The Godfather said he'd take down the other "G." The Mayor said he'd kick things and we all agreed the Truth would loot the smoke shop down the road.

"Art wouldn't go in there," The Godfather said, "it has a sign that says 'no minors.'"

We took a brief walk through campus and I returned to work.

I am still worn out from the weekend and last night's exhilarating late-night run through the ghetto.

I wasn't running for recreational when going further and further south on City Park Avenue.

Nice job on the comments today, readers.

- Art McGregor

NINE LIVES OF HOTNESS

HOT: Rick Sonbreath
NOT: The 1

HOT: Places with food
NOT: Cafe Brioso

HOT: New McGregor
NOT: Old McGregor

HOT: Staying at one bar for 12 hours
NOT: Drama-filled bar hoppings throughout Arena District

HOT: EGG
NOT: The Slo-Pitch

HOT: Dreaming about texting
NOT: Dreaming about life goals

HOT: Columbus for Final Four weekend
NOT: Indy for Final Four weekend

HOT: Playing catch in Schiller Park
NOT: That youth softball team that practiced there yesterday

HOT: Facebook
NOT: MySpace

*twidling thumbs, looking around*

- Art McGregor

Rocked the air conditioning last night with a little help from mistertrendy who helped bankroll the venture. McCampus (HoF) wasn't around so trendy had someone else to shower with his money.

I have a feeling this coming April is going to feel like it'll last 50 days. Just with the weather and all, it's already April. I can imagine waking up on the morning of Sunday, April 29 and thinking, "CHRIST, IT'S STILL APRIL!" Only 30 days in April my ass!

Will not be eating lunch at Cafe Brioso today. Instead, going to head to the good place, you know, anywhere else.

Heard some strong news from the new to the German Village front. Looks like McCampus (HoF) will be joining the fray (not the band) rather soon. Made an offer on a house near The Mayor and The Godfather. Triangle of Terror right there.

I have to believe a good time to get to the EGG on Saturday will be about 2:30 p.m. So everyone else, show up right before tip and take our seats. It's at 6:07 p.m.

McGinley is driving to Rhode Island today. I wonder how many laps he could do around New ... oops ... Rhode Island in the same amount of time it takes him to drive to Rhode Island. About 6,000?

Can it be? I'm taking Tuesday night out of The Slo-Pitch rotation? I might for the remainder of spring, we'll see.

Since I never talk about my personal life, I can't mention going to dinner tonight. I mean, if I did, that would make it seem like I'm this self-centered person. And you know, that's just not my bag, baby.

Entourage starts again on April 8. That is awesome.

What about Brian? closed out its second season on Monday night. Remains to be seen if it'll come back for a third. I can't believe Dave Greico is that tatted up! He's the television character with the most amount of tattoos you wouldn't expect to have a lot of tattoos.

When I start mentioning What about Brian? I know that's time for me to end the post.

- Art McGregor

I WOULD LIKE TO FORMALLY INVITE RICK SONBREATH TO BE A PART OF OUR SOFTBALL TEAM.



I sit alone in my four-cornered room staring at candles. Yo, that shit is on? Let me drop some shit like this here:

Found out I won't spontaneously combust if I don't go to The Slo-Pitch every Tuesday night.

Watching American Idol with mistertrendy might be the best thing ever. It was classic. It was the first time I ever really watched the show. I like Blake. He sang "Love Song" and it was a good one. mistertrendy hates Melinda and pointed out like 100 times that she doesn't have a neck. He also hates Sunjaya and says he looks like Joke Noah and our buddy Johnny Jihad.

I was, overall, pretty down this evening. Even tossing the baseball around I didn't feel like myself. Don't know what happened. Everything is going really well, it's just that trip to Cafe Brioso really brought me down!

I seriously think the unbelievable high of this past weekend, Thursday's game, Friday's unprecedented shittiness at The Slo, Saturday's amazingness and Sunday's comfort has made these past two days and nights just sorta blah-tastic.

I'm ready to roll with it starting tomorrow. EGG-lanta on Saturday. I hope I see everyone there.

This year, the Final Four fell on a weekend.

- Art McGregor

This weather sucks.

- mistertrendy

Go home. Go outside. Come to baseball practice with us. It's NOT at Cafe Brioso.

- Art McGregor

From time to time I will make the unsubstntiated declaration of fact that reflects my particular opinion. OK, I do it all the time.

I often back up my claims with evidence that can only be supported by further posits of mcginleyesque opinion. these tirades often deal with important pressing matters of the day like: Are the rolling Stones the greatest band of all time, and why you have to be a retarded homosexual douchecock to feel any differently? or The Boston Celtics 1986 squad is the best NBA basketball team of all time. or How long could I last in a bear-hands fight with Mike Tyson or a tiger?

I have all of these answers, and I am not afraid to share my insight with the universe.

Today's declaration is one which I can back up with scientific fact that even the biggest mcginley skeptic would have to concede.

"Bulls on Parade" is rage Against the Machine's best song. There it is.

How can I prove this? Well, I'd start by pointing out that it is the best ever song to blast into your eardrums while running on a treadmill. It is also a fabulous song to listen to while psyching yourself up about the upcoming Buckeyes final Four appearance.

But how can I prove this assertion?

Simple. Anyone who knows me is aware of the high regard in which I hold "Killing in the name", one of their other outstanding efforts. (funny sidenote - a former member of the Ohio House of respresentatives who shall remain nameless, but was introduced to Killing in the Name once in my car loved the song so much he wanted to download it from Napster the next day. he called me the next morning, inquiring as to the song's title. "Killing in the Name of, I think," I relplied. "i can't find a song called "killing in the name of" on Napster" the erstwhile State Rep responded. "I see one called "killing in the name". "I'm guessing that's it," I concluded - end sidebar)

I love to blast that song at afterhours and throw things and scream while it's playing, scaring neighboring dogs and shattering windows. I also once delcared it Rage's best tune.

those of you who have ever gotten close enough to smell me are aware how impossibly difficult it is to get me to change my thick-headed mind about anything, so obviously, if I'm altering my original assertion, then it has to be true.

Still love Killing in the Name (I also think Renegades is an amazing song) but I think I've offered substantial proof that Bulls is the best song by a highly underrated band.

- Ghost

p.s. Can we get this straight, please? It's McCampus (HOF) alfuckingright?

Driving back to the Short North a few minutes ago I passed at least 15 different places I would have enjoyed eating lunch.

But I had lunch at The Worst Place Ever, aka Cafe Brioso. I'm sure there are plenty of people who enjoy (notice I didn't put a parenthetical remark after people ... folks of all kind looked to be actively enjoying lunch) lunching there, but I am not one.

It's a lawless environment. Free refills on drinks but you're not sure where to go. Six different people took my order. It took about two hours to bring me a sandwich that consisted of bread and salt and turkey. Fourteen bums asked me for change. But the weather was great and sitting outside ... wait, I had the worst seat at the table. Yep. Couldn't see inside. Couldn't see myself in the reflection on the glass. I was dying!

Sis insisted we go there and she didn't show up. I'm glad we didn't chill at Northstar and enjoy spicy chicken flatbread. Hell no! My turkey on a slab of bread? WAY BETTER. I'm glad I got more than one eight ounce cup of coke. WAIT, I DIDN'T.

We ate with McCampus and The Godfather. What a day! We laughed about stuff but I couldn't enjoy the laughing with the hunger pains caused by my four-hour wait for a single piece of turkey wrapped in a piece of Wonder Bread.

There were some chicks that we were able to talk about. Random Drunk Blond from this past Tuesday night and Rainbow Thong showed up. I couldn't see them, though, because I had the worst seat ever. It's cool though, at least it's the place us three wanted to be!

Man, how about if I would have had a chicken parm sandwich and all those delicious refills on coke. That'd be amazing. Or a nice piece of French baguette from Panera. Yum. Wow. A couple pieces of ciabatta pizza from Donatos. NICE. Oh, if I could have had one french fry from McDonald's. At least then I could be a tad bit stuffed. But no. It's cool.

Also, parking downtown isn't expensive or anything. It costs like $14 for four minutes of parking. I parked up in Westerville and had to run back and forth putting sleeves of quarters in the parking machine to make sure I had two minutes to enjoy my turkey-ish sandwich. At least I got my 100K ultra-marathon training in. So that's good.

Lunch break, it was not.

- Art McGregor

- Needed that post from McGinley. Loved that it was post No. 777 on this board. How about Eva Longoria and Tony Parker are getting married on 7-7-07 in a castle in Europe? Tits.

(Although ... Eva? Trampstamp? Really? That's how it's going to be?)

- Happy 26th Birthday to The Sports Writer in Yakima. I will blog later today about his legend.

- There are so many, SO MANY things I could blog about from this past weekend (television appearances, The EGG, the canceled trip to Atlanta and the return visit to EGG-lanta, Sunday night, feeling good and dinner tomorrow) but I'm going to reflect on R. Kelly.

I love rap music. I do. I'd probably be the person mostly likely to give up his seat at The EGG, go un-thanked for it while also knowing all the words to Brotha Lynch Hung's first album. It's part of the reason I give McCampus a tough time. You see, he's really the only one out of all of us (not counting the Truth) who knows all the words to random songs. Just for no reason this past Thursday we started singing Too Short's "Gettin' It" ... you know, it's the one where he starts off by telling us it's his last album. Wait. That's every Too Short song.

Probably the thing I love most about rap music is when rappers refer to themselves by their real first names. I freaking love this shit. I don't know if anyone else likes this, but I do know I'm the only person to admit it. (i.e. when Too Short will call himself Todd or whatever and Eazy-E will call himself Eric Wright.)

That has nothing to do with my infatuation of R. Kelly, but let me explain:

For years I've been listening to "Remix (Ignition)" and have always been clueless about one lyric. It goes: "It's like Murder She Wrote once I get you out them clothes." And for a longass time, I had no idea what it meant. I know Murder She Wrote is one of McCampus' favorite shows (especially on weekends) but didn't know where Kelly, R. was going with that. But then it hit me.

Clear as day. Black as sight (especially on weekends).

R. Kelly is saying, "it's CASE CLOSED once I get you out them clothes." I don't know much about Murder She Wrote but I knew Angela Landsbury always solved the mystery. She always closed the case. Still, I doubt R. Kelly was singing with her and I'm sure he'd prefer to leave that case open.

That's all on that.

- I know I've bitched about it a lot and I know everyone is better off for it, but I can't wait 'til fucking Lent is over. I miss our random Tuesday and Wednesday nights out. So much hilarity always followed those evenings. And came with them, too.

- Art McGregor

Been thinking a lot about the Buckeyes the last few days. A little sentimental. A little contemplative.

Thinking about the love affair I've had with the Buckeyes for the last 17 years. The ups and downs. The good times. The Great times. The nightmares.

Yeah, I was at the Desmond Howard game. Yeah, I was at the 28-0 shellacking. I also had a ticket bought to the Final Four in '92, only to watch in horror as Chris Jent couldn't make that layup and the Fab Five stole our glory. Hammered by Florida State in the Sugar bowl? Yup, I was there. Loss after loss in the Citrus bowl? At 'em. The Cooper years, losing all the time to Illinois, both South Carolina games, Ron Dayne, 13-9, Killer Macon and Greg Simpson, the game of which we do not speak? I suffered through it all.

But that's the thing about a love affair. You live through the bad times and you love anyway, unconditionallly. And it's not like it's been all heartache and sorrow. Not hardly.

Take, for example, the current version of the Buckeyes basketball team. The ones in the Final fucking Four. The thrill ride they've had us on has been nothing short of sensational. You'd have to be a corpse to not get excited about the way these kids, largely led by underclassmen, have handled the pressure and adversity of big time college basketball, and gone on an unforgettable ride. But we've been here before.

Just back in 1999 the Bucks advanced to the Southeast regional in Knoxville, Tennessee and Michael Redd and Scoonie Penn had a thing or two up their sleeves as we faced off with #1 Auburn.

Love can make you do crazy things. In this case, the fervent passion I had for the men of the Scarlet and Grey caused me to load up my car and drive with Chicken, YSC, James Brown, the Mayor, and Trombone down to witness first-hand the Bucks pull off the miracle upset. The place was understandably jam-packed with War Eagle fans. A gutty performance was capped by a break away dunk by Jason Singleton as time expired to seal it, sending this - and many other - Buckeye fans in attendance into an abslute tizzy. Dejected Tiger boosters were literally GIVING their tickets away to the Saturday affair against St. John's (sidebar: remember that St. John's team? Ron Artest, Lavor Postell, Felipe Lopez. Great team. Remember how Scoonie just always had Erick Barkley's number, and even blocked his game-winning attempt the following season at the Garden? What a great team. - end sidebar)

I then proceeded to get as drunk as humanly possible at O'Charley's that evening. We chatted it up with Bill Raftery (who's a dickhead) and Sean McDonough (he's gay, but we talked about the Red Sox for a while. He was cool) And then I drove back to Columbus for a meeting on Friday, only to return on Saturday with reinforcements.

What went down that Saturday was pure heaven. We put the Red Storm (what the Hell is a red Storm, anyway?) away and sewed up the Final Four berth. We proceeded to go absolutely nuts. I was openly screaming "ANUS!" as loudly as I possibly could at the O'Charley's, now overrun by Buckeye faithful. It was a much different experience than the only other time I had visited the campus with Trombone a few years earlier, the night Princess Diana died. Trombone shared this one with me too as I slowly slippped into the depths of near-alcohol poisioning. This condition made me taller and smarter. It certainly made me stronger and funnier.

I took a picture of a "Tennessee football legend" off the wall of the bar by smashing the frame with my fist. I did not get banned for that theft, although I should have. You've heard the story about them runnig out of beer, but did you hear the part about me making the switch to the tall gin and tonics? How about the part about me threatening to punch Fred Ricart in the face just for the hell of it and him getting so scared that he ran away? Have I mentioned the disagreement I had with the security guard and then police officers at the Crystal across the street?

It went something like this:

I throw food, which leads security guard to inquire, "Y'all gonna pick that up?'

"Nope," I reply as I begin emptying the contents of my pockets and throwing the shit all over the floor of the restaurant.

He then uttered something slack-jawed, which I consciously ignored and instead turned to Chicken and smugly asked. "Can you understand what this fuck is saying? Is that English?"

He proceeded to call the cops, who arrive as I am tossing yet another cheeseburger in the direction of some fellow fast-food consumers. I was placed under arrest, yet amazingly was released into the custody of the Mayor, who displayed incredible diplomacy skills as I belligerently refused to accept any responsibility whatsoever for my actions, much less offer any sort of apology, sincere or otherwise.

I offered my gratitude for being set free by hanging out the car window as we drove away, screaming obbscenities to the police officers and everyone else within ear shot as we drove back to the hotel.

That night I also sang the most racist song of my entire life, in honor of Jarvis, the pickaninny statuette we bought on the highway, as well as his namesake, the African-American erstwhile coach of the Red Storm (seriously, how can a storm be red? I don't get it. Storms can be strong or intense. They can be big or rain-filled. They can certainly be damaging. They do not have a discernable color, however and can simply never be red. What a stupid nickname)

We also made up words to "Rocky Top" which gets played in Tennessee bars about every 10 seconds. People pranced around like idiots while we would yell: "Fuckin' Bucks you'll always be FINAL FOUR to me. Good ol' Fuckin Bucks. Eat shit Tennessee. Eat shit Tennessee."

Eight years later we would make those same volunteers eat shit en route to overcoming a 20 point deficit and getting back to the Promised Land.

I vomited that night in '99 and drove all the way home the next day, only to get in an accident exiting on Greenlawn. We flashed 4 fingers to all cars we passed and made fun of the south and of Big Bone Lick State Park.

I did all of this, of course, because I love the Buckeyes. But responsibilities have prevented me from soaking in all of the glory of this year's run. I didn't even get to see the game on Saturday, and we're not going to Atlanta, I'm sad to report. I won't even be in Columbus, and may not even drink. Kinda sad.

But I was there in '99. As I was for Treg Lee's shot, Jamie Skelton's 3 in '93, the Big 11 title in '01, the Rose Bowl, Sugar Bowl win over A&M (remember my big fruity drink in the stands?), Michigan mafficks, Notre Lame blowouts, the Tressel glory years, Charles Bass, the magic run of '02, (Holy Buckeye), the National Championship. I was pants-pooping drunk and loving the Buckeyes and life at all of them. I wouldn't trade this Buckeye run for anything.

2 more to go. Go Bucks. Eat shit Tennessee.

- Ghost

p.s. When I come, don't crowd me.

Looks like the trip to Atlanta is teetering on the bring of extinction. We'll likely be at the good luck spot (The EGG) where we'll get there early (The Mayor, The Godfather, the Truth and then moments later Art McGregor) and then give up our good seats for the people who show up late and leave early.

- Old McGregor

You had to be there (unless you weren’t)

Looking back on the past four days, it’s safe to say I spent more time at the EGG than the Sis/Ghannastan Compound where I hang my hat.

Between Thursday’s comeback thriller, Friday’s dinner with Godfather-father and Godfather-mother, Saturday’s 2 in the afternoon to 2 in the morning 12-hour shift (without a union-mandated break, I might add) and yesterday’s lunch with the aforementioned Godfather-parents, I sat in the dining room, at the bar and on the patio while sampling 80 percent of their appetizer menu. (I highly recommend the firecracker shrimp.)

The place is nirvana. It’s got friendly bartenders who never watch the Real World Denver, buckets of beer, good food, hot chicks in Buckeye gear, and more televisions than even I could ever watch. I’ll even forgive them for the DirecTV HD issues because they turned the sound up on the ESPNNews post game press conference.

It reached a zenith Saturday (for proof, see B-roll on Channel 6’s weekend news coverage that includes shots of Art McGregor flashing four fingers at the camera and the bartenders spraying the crowd with water) that may never be replicated.

Hugging, chugging and texting ensued.

And then, someone must have pulled the fire alarm because all of the late-to-the-party GVM associates had to beat traffic before the first strand of net was snipped.

There were like twenty people in and around our early arrival seats when the buzzer sounded. Within five minutes there were the original six. (Sidebar: the Portsmouth Undertaker is a freaking rock star.)

Over the next hour or so, Art McGregor and I fielded variations on the question, “where do you want to go next?” about 700 times. The answer never varied. “I’m good here.”

And so we were. As Artie would say, "it was like a football Saturday where you get really drunk and feel like it’s 2 a.m. when it’s only 9:30, except it really was 2 a.m. "

Troy Smith was spotted by one of our newly made Pittsburgh connections at the bar, prompting this exchange:
GF: “Wanna say hi to him?” AMG: “4 for 14? Don’t think so.”

Then, a major corner was turned in Art McGregor land. He introduced a friend to the girl he was chatting up. The result, some of the best banter this side of Laurel and Hardy. The Godfather was on fire. The self admitted Steelers bandwagon fan girl was eating it up. Shots were downed. Life was good.

A little while later, a pretty little thing McGregor has known for some time arrived on the scene. She and McGregor would eventually participate in the LONGEST PDA EVER which was so long the Godfather had time to eat a sandwich, water the lawn, watch highlights of some chick for the Duke chick basketball team missing two foul shots and crying about it twelve times, read the Warren report, go to the bathroom, drink a beer and drive the Mayor’s car home before either of them took a breath.

Now the planning begins to take this show on the road. Just call Art and Godfather “Thelma and Louise” once they hit the highway.

Welcome to Atlanta. We’re good there, too.

-The Godfather

Really?

Have a ton (four) of stuff to do today, so I'm going to rely on The Godfather for a weekend recap and hopefully we'll hear from McGinley. The next post will be The Godfather's.

Anyway, is McCampus in for Atlanta? Claims he has a ton of stuff to do this Friday. He's never heard of rescheduling things, apparently. But, it's cool. Ohio State always makes the Final Four. Their last visit was in 1968.

- Art McGregor

"Saturday's off the heezy for sheezy."

Welcome to Atlanta!




- Staff reports

I was really hoping I'd see a McGinley "it is so awesome we're in the Final Four" post.

I had maybe my most fun weekend ever. The Godfather and I said, "We're good here," at least 1,000 times and stayed at The EGG for 12 hours. That's not a typo.

Sunday night was amazing as well. This is just so fun.

- Art McGregor

Well, that was about the best day ever.

- AMG

It is hereby decreed that any reference to McCampus from this point forward on the blog be followed by (HOF) in recognition of his inclusion in the Text Message Hall Of Fame.

- Ghost

What's going on tonight? I am sort of tired but whatever. I plan on watching hoops at my house, forgoing any high school games down at the Schott and then maybe (definitely) heading out later. I have also been known to drink a beer or two. Then again, I've been known to do a lot of things. Go Butler, btw.

The Slo-Pitch? Really? That's how it's going to be?

- AMG

With the Othello Odens down 20 and the ball in David Lighty's hands, I began to think about what I would blog today.

About how we have been like the Odens lately, not living up to our full potential as a team. About how it was a fun run but so disappointing to be bitch slapped by another SEC foe on a national stage.

About baseball season since the tournament didn't matter to me anymore.

Well, this is not about any of those things.

Thanks to Ronald and Michael and Gregory and sideshow Matthew and David and Ivan and Othello and Thaddeus (as Arthur McGregor was calling everyone by their full name during the game last night) today's blog is about how we, like they, rallied to be the best we could be for each other.

One of the perks of taking days off of work is syndicated television. After a SportsCenter and a half I started flipping channels and stumbled upon The Golden Girls.

Mock me all you like, it's one of those shows I just can't turn off.

Art McGregor- Blanche Devereux (Rue McClanahan)

Blanche is always looking to get it on with some guy and super focused on herself and her appearance. Yet, by the end of every episode, she's done something supportive for one of the girls.

The Mayor- Rose Nylund (Betty White)

Her stories are always long and strange and don't always reach a cogent conclusion, but we always learn something by listening to them and appreciate her innocent Swiss heritage.

McGinley- Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty)

She has a way of spinning stories from the old days that give us a better perspective on modern events and her humor brings levity to any situation. Also, she's older than everyone else and her best friend is an old woman.

The Godfather­- Dorothy Zbornak (Bee Arthur)

Always quick with a one-liner, Dorothy is often the most stressed about everyone else's life problems. Additionally, she admitted to a gambling addiction in the episode I caught this morning.

So, there it is. The main cast of characters in this multi-act show we call German Village Media. I'm sure if I watched enough Golden Girls I could figure out who McCampus and the Truth and TD Hoodie and mistertrendy are. Awesome, now I have something to do for the next few months! (Too soon?)

- The Godfather

AFTERNOON THOUGHTS

- Every girl who eats lunch at Betty's looks exactly the same. I can't put my finger on it but they all look so bland, if not unattractive. I never see these girls anywhere other than Betty's for lunch. But they do have a huge mirror and I looked at myself a lot while reading The Other Paper.

- Loved to see that Anthony Stone (stage name) performed last night at The Thirsty Ear. Anthony Stone was a buddy of mine in college and I actually gave him that nickname. Tony used to say the word "Stone" a lot. Like for any noun. "Those stones over there are good dudes." "This CD cost 13 stones." "The commons has some good stones to eat tonight." It was endearing. Anyway, he was Italian (his name was either Anthony or Dominic, hence Italian) and I one time said to him that the meatballs at the commons weren't as good as the ones Grandma Tony'sItalianLastName used to make for Sunday dinner. He was shocked. He had no idea how I knew his Italian grandmother made Sunday pasta for his family. I just knew.

Anyway, I started calling him Antonio Stone and the name kind of stuck.

- Do we know any Italian people? I don't think I have one Italian friend. Is Emblem Italian? Did you know Italians don't drink milk with pasta? It's the only time I enjoy drinking milk. They go with soda or wine. I just said soda and not pop. Yikes. Fuck you, Baltimore.

- The drunk lady in her upper 30s at lunch today over at Betty's was drinking a Miller Lite. Heavy.

- I can't wait to watch college hoops tonight. Last night was awesome. I can't believe I went out with Red Turtleneck. What an awesome two hours.

- Got to get (back) to work.

- Art McGregor

List of places in the world more depressing than The Slo-Pitch last night:

1. Tennessee's locker room
2. Concentration camps (circa 1940s)

- Staff reports

I assume we're going to the EGG again for the game on Saturday. Let's hope this chick on the left is there again.

- AMG

Hmmm ... I'm just saying:





- Art McGregor

Text message Hall of Fame:

"That blond at Ladies80's was such a hottie crackwhore. One of us definitely should have been blowing lines off her ass in the bathroom." - McCampus

- AMG

(THE ABOVE SCENE IS NOT ONE FROM THE EGG LAST NIGHT AROUND 12:38a)

Got about a bazillion (two) things to do today so I won't be updating all that often on this sunny, sunny Friday.

"Fucking Thad Matta! (Pause) I can drink more than anybody!" - The Mayor

What more can I say about the game? I remarkably was calm throughout. Might have something to do with the evening at The Top, but whatever. Wow, what a restaurant. I'd put that steak up against any other I've had. Maybe except for that one I had from Outback in Christmas Eve in 2004, when I finished off a 12-pack of Miller Light and had TWO steaks from Outback while watching porn. It was tits.

I kept saying the whole first half, "Tennessee will let us come back into the game." We just needed to not let them come out in the second half and open like a 23-point lead. Once we got it to single digits, we were fine. There was even a moment when we were up four with the ball and RON LEWIS almost hit a trey. Figured we might blow them out.

I had nary a beer during the game but we had the crowd rocking throughout. VERY awesome to watch the game alongside Rick Sonbreath. The guy is a fan. I mean, he likes soccer so I kind of doubted his rooting prowess/knowledge but he's a lot like Bo Bice. I mean, you wouldn't think he'd be interested but homeboy cares.

McCampus had two really cute girls all over him and one ugly Erica who he continued to make conversation with. I tried to bail him out! But he said, "So, your tab is still open, you should close it so we can take off and bang in my car. Fuck yea!" Except he didn't say any of that after "your tab is still open." Props to me for staying focused on the game.

I can yell really loud. UNKNOWN fact about me because I rarely yell. But my DEFENSE chant at the EGG last night was the tits. I was even talking to Greg Oden about it but he left mid-conversation to go block that game-winning shot attempt.

I kissed three males on the lips last night. BLOG IT!

the Truth, The Godfather and McCampus. No tongue.

The Godfather had several outstanding quotes, including: "Could you imagine if we watched golf this way? Like, if they played rap music and shit during the commercials?" and, (following the game) "I wish I would have gone to Xavier."

Had several CLASSIC (unprintable/unbloggable) text message exchanges with mistertrendy but couldn't figure out why he didn't show up at the EGG for the greatest game ever. Then I went home and saw his shoes near my front door and yep.

Stopped by The Slo-Pitch postgame before heading to Ladies80's and they killed fun in that place. Jeff Buckley or something was playing and everyone in there looked as if they were gearing up a funeral procession. For the second time in about five nights, I walked in and out without having a beer. What's going on there?

Ladies80's is as weird as ever. They don't play 80's music anymore and last night was odd, even by Ladies80's standards.

Oh-den what a night.

- Art McGregor

The Elite Eight game will be going on during my event Saturday, so I will not be able to watch. Probably just as well. I have had at least 2 heart attacks and overcome bouts of serious depression during our last 2 contests. So I will be relying on regular text updates from you to tell me the score, situation, etc.

Since I will not be watching, let me go ahead and get the following formailities out of the way now.

We have no chance. It's over. We're going to lose. Matta is off to Kentucky. Oden to the NBA. Forget it.

I think I see the beauty of the game planning. Get down early. Get our best player in foul trouble. Furiously come back and hold on for the victory. Simple, really.

But before I figured that out, I predicted gloom and doom the last 2 games. Here's evidence to show the extreme confidence I showed in the boys, and my deft ability to convince myself otherwise after the fact.

Top 10 Text message Exchanges from last night

10. Me "Humiliating"
Trombone "Georgia would kill us in hockey"
Me "Ole Miss owns our chess club"
Trombone "and any Cap One Bowl"
Me "I never doubted"

9. Me "This is a nightmare"
Chicken "Lofton must die"
Me "I never doubted"
Chicken "Had it all the way"

8. Godfather "We never get blown out by SEC teams, er, nevermind."
Me "Matta will be introduced as kentucky's coach by Sunday. Goddbye Oden."
Godfather "he won't go to UK. your pessimism is impressive tonight, even for you."
Me "I never doubted"

7. Beaner "Matta is the worst!"
Me "He's going to Kentucky. Goodbye Oden."
Beaner "We should have hired Knight when we had the chance!!"
Me "I never doubted"

6. Juliet "Baby, I'm worried you're not breathing"
Me "I'm going back to my hotel. I can't watch this nightmare anymore."
Me (later) "I never doubted"

5. Me (to Mayor) "I thought I lived this nightmare on January 8th. Go ahead and head on home"
Me (later) "I never doubted"

4. Godsmack "This is like watching the basketball version of the national championship . . .pathetic!!"
Me "I can't watch"
Me (later) "I never doubted"
Godsmack "haha . . . me neither. those fuckers"

3. Truth "Are you fucking kidding me? Love you . . . we r on our way to ladies 80's"
Me "amazing"
Truth "They are going to kill me!"
Me "I never doubted"

2. Me "Matta will be Kentucky's coach within 48 hours"
Hoodie "True. We are trying to run with a 100 point offense. Fucking dumb."
Me "It's over"
Hoods "This is crazy!"
Me "I never doubted"
Hoods "So the record will show"

1. Me "Awesome State"
McCampus "Comeback Community College"
Me "Tension Tech"
McCampus "Amazing A&M"

Never doubted.

- Ghost

We're half way there

Conley gets the ball on the blocks
He gets it off to Greg
Who gets all the swats
He's tough
Go Bucks

Butler keeps a runnin' the plays
Workin' man-to-man
They make all the treys
For us
C-Bus

He says we gotta roll on
got 3 more shots
It does't make a difference if we're trailin' or not
We'll ride Ron Lewis
When he gets hot

for love

We live in the Schott

Woa, We're half way there
Woa-oh, McGinley wasn't scared
Three more wins
and I'm naked, I swear

Woa-oh, Buckeyes on a tear

Matta's got the Buckeyes in high
Now he's sittin' Greg
When he should be up by 10
It's rough
Go Bucks

Xavier keeps cryin' away
The Vols had us beat but
Baby it's OUR GAME
Some way

We gotta Roll on
and score a lot
It doesn't make a difference if we're trailin' or not
we're on our way to
The Peach State spot

for love

They'll give all they got

Woa , we're half way there
Woa-oh, McGinley wasn't scared
We're marching onward
Ain't losin' I swear

Woa-oh, Buckeyes on a tear!

I said we gotta roll on
ready or not
If I were still drinking
I would do a shot

WOA We're half way there
WAO-OH, Mcginley's never scared
Come inside
Tell the Tigers we dare.

WOA-OH Buckeyes on a tear!

(repeat and fade)

- Bon Ghosti (never doubted)

Heaven's waiting room

Just got back from Vero Beach. I heard that this was the last year the storied franchise nee of Brooklyn, NY would hold their Spring drills and exhibition schedule in Dodgertown. I was drawn by the lore of Jackie Robinson, Sandy Koufax, and a piece of baseball Americana, going the way of Ebbett's Field.

So I walked in expecting to be impressed with a legendary baseball facility. It was a shithole. I parked my rental in a grown-over parking lot, reminiscent of a long-forgotten landmark, like a closed amusement park.

Walked up and bought a ticket 9 rows behind homeplate. I was overwhelmed by how little the people around me cared that this was one of only three remaining Spring training games before the Dodgers set up camp in Arizona, starting in 2008. There were 2 attractive gals ahead of me in line (they were in their 30's - or 20 years too old for McGregor) and they were attending the game with what appeared to be their grandfather. I thought that was nice. The two of them could have cared less about baseball, but it seemed to me like they were in town, visiting the old man, and he must have wanted to go to the game.

Then I realized that Moe Szyzlac was right when he observed that it takes old people a very long time to do anything (or something like that). The time it took for this guy to buy 3 tickets for himself, and the 2 girls was mind-numbing. I'm glad I didn't complain about it though, because the single I bought ended up being right next to them.

It was actually really interesting. There were so many old people there, I was amazed. I mean, I realize that I'm in Florida and this is where people go to wait to die. I suppose it's not a bad way to go out. Hanging out with your granddaughters, sitting in the sun, watching a young player like Nick Markakis go 4-4 with 2 dingers and 4 RBI. Steve Trachsel spun a 2 hitter and Cesar Izturis was lost to a grisly injury making the very first out of the game.

Yet no one semeed to really care. The facility is old, dilapidated, and just God awful. There is no press box (the scribes sit right there with the common folk) there are probably no more than 4 or 5,000 seats in the whole place. Kids weren't screaming for autographs, no one was razzing Tommy Lasorda, except for home plate ump Bruce Froemming, who enganged number 2 in a seemingly friendly shouting match before the lineup cards came out.

It was nothing at all like a Red Sox Spring game, where the players, coaches, some of the fans, media are all treated like rock stars, and there are actually ticket SCALPERS for home games, and every move is scrutinized by the 11,000 managers in the stands. I wonder if that speaks more to how we are, or how we got this way? I don't really know.

There was no such fervor surrounding the proceedings at Holman stadium at all. The people who cared about the Dodgers because of their former home seem to have disappeared. Maybe that's because they have. The fans that are left have little or no connection to the club, and waning interest seemed to make it reasonable to pull up stakes on Dodgertown once and for good. If I needed any further evidence that time had come, it was provided by an elderly woman who asked the gal at the ticket window about Wednesday night's tickets vs. the Indians. I assumed that this would surround the general buzz about catching that - the last ever - game played in Dodgertown. Nope. She was so unsentimental about the event that she was seeking a refund for a ticket she'd bought but now couldn't use. I was witnessing the end of an era, and I was the only one to whom it mattered.

There are more options in the area now, hell there are more teams. The fucking Marlins train about 10 miles down the road in Jupiter. The Doral was starting, the Heat are making a playoff run, and the World Champion Cards' manager had just gotten a DUI. All of that buzz filled the airwaves of sports news, not the end of the Dodgers run in Vero Beach. People already let go and moved on. Or died. Or were getting ready to.

Makes me wonder where I'll be when I go. It'll probably be sooner than later, let's face it. The Mayor will probably meet his demise at the hands of an uncooperative "curb". McGregor probably will be patting himself on the back, and will be unable to break his fall when he tries to jump back on the Buckeyes basketball bandwagon. Godfather will check out of McGinley college with a degree in heart disease, Trendy and Chugger will worry to death, Truth will get a hold of some brown acid, and it appears that The One may already be gone.

Sis will outlive us all.

So when and how will I become the faithful departed? And more important; where? I texted my brother and told him I was in Vero and in his response was my likely answer: "Future S.P. home of the Red Sox". So will I one day be one of the old men taking in a final game with my grandkids as the sun sets on a fruitful life? Not likely, but it's probably where I'll get killed.

- Ghost

p.s. thought this article was interesting. Do we know anyone who was probably brought up like this?
http://www.boston.com/ae/books/articles/2007/03/12/spoiler_alert/

SORRY FUCKERS!

There's some shit going on in Washington. Drudge explains a crazy scene on the house floor, while the Associated Depressed mentions no such outrage in its story, but does include this:

"... Delegates from territories such as Guam and American Samoa, can vote on amendments on the House floor as long at [SIC] the votes do not change the outcome."

What a smack in the face to those delegates! Why are they there in the first place? "... As long (as) the votes do not change the outcome." What the fuck kind of crap is that?

Basically, Guam and American Samoa are our bitch.

- AMG

Wow. What a game. North College ... no one cares.

It's Thursday! Dinner. Buckeyes. Skully's. Tonight. Boom baby.

- AMG

I think the spring and summer right around seventh grade is the best time in anyone's life.

I think I grew up at exactly the right time. I'm glad there was no Internet back then. I'd be a totally different person.

The spring of 1992 had it all. I think I had my funnest days during that time.

I had my first kiss and learned on I was moving back to Ohio on that same night. I watched the best basketball game I've ever seen, Kentucky and Duke in the East Regional final. I watched the Cavs advance to the Eastern Conference Finals and give the Bulls their best playoff challenge during the Jordanaires first 3-peat. I played baseball every day. I played basketball in my buddy Mark's backyard. Mark and Adam used to sleep over every Friday night in my basement. We'd talk about girls and eat Doritos and watch Cinemax (through the fuzz, channel 21) until 5 a.m. I played a lot of Tecmo Super Bowl. I ordered the Olympic Triple-Cast on Pay-Per-View. We moved to Ohio on July 30, 1992.

I went and saw the movie A League of Their Own before moving back to the OH (IO) and that song "This Used To Be My Playground" still makes me think of being 13. I'm not gay, either.

(Sleepy is a quality guy but I'll always be amazed he pegged me so quickly. I think the second time I talked to him, he said, "You're like the most sentimental person ever." And I am!)

We played baseball at this little field in our housing development for at least four hours a day. It'd usually be five-on-five ... righties couldn't hit to right field and vice versa. We'd play two-outs per inning. Fences were about 200 feet from home plate. My buddy Jon used to smack homers, he even broke a window. It was awesome.

We got in so many fights. Those games were so serious. At least four people cried each week. We started a league, kept stats, got really dirty. I never hung out at the swimming pool. My mom thought I was nuts. It was fucking 95 degrees out.

I had a St. Louis Cardinals hat I wore every day. I got so sunburned. I rode my bike to Frank's Pizza and 7-11 at night. I don't think I ever ate a meal but remember eating all the time.

My buddy Zach and I used to discuss the games. If we had a blog, it'd entirely be about the fact that I was the best pitcher in the league (where only one pitch was allowed ... slow and over the plate) and how Sean cheats (when it comes to leading off, not with girls) and why the Golden Boys (a group of three brothers) were really the Golden Girls because they had to be home to dinner every night at 6:30 p.m.
"It doesn't get fucking dark until 9!" I always used to say. Same McGregor. Man, I have a long-lasting relationship with the word "fuck."

Those days were awesome.

I could write forever about that summer.

I could live forever in that summer.

- Art McGregor

Arrive Vero.

- Ghost

NOTES FROM THE DESK

I joined McGinley and The Godfather for lunch this past Sunday at TED'S DINER. Great bison. Anyway, we had this waiter who looked very sad. He was a great waiter though. But he was, as The Godfather put it, "the glummest man I've ever seen."

So we of course started talking about how he wanted to kill himself by putting his head in the oven but returning from the stove to hand us our check (he did not give us separate checks) before his head crisped itself off like a mummified body/head.

It STILL is the funniest conversation I've had this week.

I hope he is still alive. I'd have to imagine a story like that would make the news.

Not that I watch.

- AMG

Campus Girls USA now has its third video out and wow. It's the one with our favorite bartender from Brothers.

Halle is basically the shit. Sorry other girls!

They could have made the entire 1:34 about Halle. Alicia doesn't even look like she'd be the hottest girl in her group of friends that starts out at Bar Louie at 10:15 p.m. before heading over to Spice at 12:17 a.m. And Erin? She's cute but I'd have to imagine in about three years she'll be bartending in the Short North or German Village. Not a knock, she's just not the typical Campus Girls USA-type chick.

- Art McGregor

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and I'm really proud of myself. I have to be the lowest maintenance person ever. Props to me.

"Whoever told you you're not easy to get along with is lying." - the cashier at United Dairy Farmers

I never need a bag for groceries. Receipts? Please.

Reminds me of a mistertrendy poem:

"Receipts
Karma
This crowd
depletes"

Throw up your lighters.

I just never need anything. Burgers? Plain. Need some black pepper? Don't think so. Pepsi OK? Definitely. Ketchup and mustard? Unnecessary. What kind of sauce with your chicken fingers? None. Any toppings on that? No thanks.

I'm a good dude. (Looking in the mirror: "Yeah, I am.")

Should be a fantastic day. I'll be at the Schott/Garden of Oden for high school games at 2 p.m. and 5:15 p.m. and then have that dinner date which I've been looking forward to for awhile. One thing: she's not from Bexley. Turns out she's from Whitehall/Columbus. Hmm. ... Will I have to take her bowling? I don't know. Bowling just seems like something people from Whitehall would enjoy doing. I bet their high school bowling team is outstanding. Upper Arlington and Dublin probably suck at bowling.

It's a beautiful day in my neighborhood.

Of course you'll be mine.

- Art McGregor

FIND THE RIVER (SMELL THE POPCORN)



This post will not revolve around trying to figure out why there are way more homeless people in the Short North than German Village. How can there be no homeless people in the German Village (at least the area between Giant Eagle and High Street) and so many in the "gay" section of town?

This post will not revolve around how I'm slowly getting to first-name status with the freaks working at the United Dairy Farmer's on the corner of High Street and First Avenue and how scary that is.

This post will not revolve around the smell of popcorn and pizza. But it will play a large role.

Walking over to the UDF, I smelled pizza from Donatos and I love that smell. Got me to thinking of another smell I really love: popcorn. If you needed to know three things about me, they'd be:

1. I love the smell of pizza.
2. I love the smell of popcorn.
3. I'm the type of person who thinks it's important that I tell you those things.

There it is. There's Art McGregor.

Phew. That trip was tough. I can't believe how much time it took me to pick out this Wild Cherry Pepsi. I spend MAYBE three seconds thinking what I'm going to do with my week or once I get home from work tonight (NOT DRINKING) but at least five minutes going through my mid-afternoon beverage choices: Water (boring), Gatorade (played out), Orange Juice (no), Coke (not feeling it), 7-Up (doesn't really get me excited), Sprite (hit or miss), Powerade (too sugary), Pepsi (not sugary enough), Root Beer (will fuck up my stomach), Ginger Ale (no fuckin' Canada Dry but they have Vernors?) ... before finally settling on a 20 fl. oz. plastic bottle of 1.25 pints and 591 mL of carbonated water, high fructose, corn syrup and/or sugar, caramel color and ...

Love that caramel color.

Anyway, the guy in front of me in line had at least 60 tats. No way I could do that. How'd he make all those decisions?

Drugs? The guys working behind the counter at UDF probably had something to do with that.

I think anyone with a neck tattoo is a badass but overall, tats are much like Gatorade. Played the fuck out.

I digress.

Walking back, I looked over at my parked car and started thinking about music.

I thought of a good question. If you had to pick ONE song to show what kind of music you enjoy, what would it be?

Mine's an easy choice. It's "Find the River" by REM. It's on their album Automatic for the People, which also happens to be the first CD I ever owned. (Christmas Day 1991.) I love how it sounds. I think I love every song that sounds like it. I love the words. I love the message. I love how the last verse sounds. The harmonies are breathtaking. It's one of the most exquisite melodies I've ever heard. I think it's about the inexorable progression of life toward death, and how death, (the ocean) welcomes life as reward - The river to the ocean goes, a fortune for the undertow. It's about savoring moments and growing up. Love it.

Anyway, that's what I was thinking about when walking across the street.

While Michael Stipe reminds us to stop and smell the roses in that song, I always make sure to stop and smell the pizza.

You should too.

- Art McGregor

- In a tale as old as time, all the hotties go on Spring Break. I figured this out today at lunch.

Hit the usual - Panera on campus for some mid-afternoon 1987 chicks but forgot about Spring Break being in town. Yikes.

All those girls from the Pete Yorn concert a couple weeks ago were back pre-gaming at Panera. Sometimes you don't realize the dearth of attractive people until you're surrounded with ugly folk, Ericas, etc.

I once heard (or maybe said it myself) that someone (me) likes to surround himself with exclusively attractive people.

- Thinking back on this year as we reach the quarter mark, I'd have to say the most fun I've had, totally off the cuff, was the afterhours at TO'D's house. There was a moment there where everything was perfect. We were dancing in a circle, singing "Sad Songs" by Elton John and thoroughly enjoying each other's company. Loved that night.

- Are we all in for The EGG tomorrow night? I cannot get there early so everyone else might be in trouble when it comes to seating.

- Just got off the phone with The Godfather and he echoes Dicks Onbreath's sentiments about The Slo-Pitch. I agree but said, "It's like that buddy in high school that you liked a lot but then lived with him in college and ended up hating him." Anytime you go to the same place (bar) over and over again, you're bound to come up with reasons why you dislike it. It's still my favorite place to go. (Shocker.) But I do miss drinking with McGinley and The 1 (is he still alive?).

- I wish Vegas had this on the board: Which will be greater tomorrow night? Number of texts The Mayor sends or total points in the Ohio State-Tennessee game?

- Art McGregor

The best writer of our time ....

More Chuck Klosterman.

Awesome.


"You are not like Cal Ripken Jr. You aren't that dedicated, you aren't that intense, and you care about your job a whole lot less. Ripken might be your favorite player of the past 25 years, but the two of you have almost nothing in common. In fact, I bet there are many days when you wish you could just take a suitcase of money to Australia, drop out of society, grow out you hair and smoke cannabis all afternoon while having sex with whoever you felt like. In fact, if you had the chance, you'd probably do it tomorrow. But you know what? I bet you also think Ricky Williams is despicable.

I can't read Bode Miller's mind, but I bet the interior monologue bouncing around his cerebral cortex sounds something like this: "My job is OK, and I'm good at it. I suppose I could even be better if that was the only thing I cared about, but I'm not sure what the benefit of that would be, beyond appeasing a bunch of people I'll never actually meet. And if I can get paid this much money for being myself, why would I want to force myself to become somebody else's caricature? I'm already content with who I am."

Now, it is possible that such sentiments would make you hate Bode Miller even more.

It's also possible you hate him because you feel exactly the same way."

- Art McGregor

YAKIMA, Wash. - For those of you Chuck Klosterman lovers or for those of you who enjoy a thought-provoking read, check out his latest essay. He continues to have some of the best essays I've ever read about drugs in sports. A year after tackling Bonds, he gives football a hard look and stares down the fans in the process ...

- The Sports Writer

Those girls from Wauseon



Today used to be my favorite day of the year. I used to revolve my entire year around this day.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my mom pressured me into joining the work force. Later that spring, I'd begin working at Giant Eagle, where I'd bitch and moan about my 16-hour work weeks and look to give up shifts at any cost. I'd even pay people to work for me. Wait. ... That's not at all ironic.

I pretty much hated that job and have disliked work ever since. Not so much every job (I've been very fortunate and have liked every job I've ever had EXCEPT waiting tables at Bravo) but I can't stand to work.

Never did chores when I was little. Never had to wash the dishes. Never had to make my bed. Never had a bed time. Never got grounded. These are things you can tell just by looking at him.

So my mom always used to laugh when I declared March as "Chill Month." We still joke around about it today. I think I bring up "Chill Month" in at least 8 percent of conversations I have with the lady born in 1957.

It is ironic because my life is a collection of one chill month after the other and somehow, I'm getting by. CPN sent me a text the other day asking me if I ever thought it'd all catch up to me, and yes, of course I do. But for now, it's Chill Month and I'm not too concerned.
My level of work output in March is less than any other month. I realize that's not saying much, for when you set your work goals this low it's not easy doing less than the month before. You've got to work hard at being MORE unproductive.

ANYWAY, this is the day before the Ohio high school boys state tournament starts in Columbus. Sixteen teams and communities gather on campus in one of the state's best events. Four games a day for three days, four state champions. As a littler kid, I loved this.

Me and my buddy Disko would come down, without our parents, and stay in a hotel and roam the streets of Columbus on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. We'd look to hook up with students in town for the game, we'd eat at McDonalds like six times a day and Applebee's the other four times. We'd go to that Subway down near Buckeye Village and we'd consume 34 Slurpee's from the 7-11 across from St. John Arena per day.

Our days were basketball. We'd go to games at 11 a.m., 2 p.m., 6 p.m. and 9 p.m. We'd shoot hoops in between. We'd watch the college games on my little portable black and white television. We'd read scouting reports of all the players and buy these magazines that had player rankings. We loved this one dude from Wauseon named Cory Griggs. His scouting report simply said: "Court talker." We loved him.

I've seen some greats. I saw LeBron James play as a freshman and said, "he'll be my cousin's favorite player one day." He was the best high school player I've ever seen. That's as a freshman. I've seen OJ Mayo and Estaban Weaver and Damon Stringer and Samaki Walker and Aaron Hutchins and Sean Stonerook and Kwadjo Steele and Geno Ford and Melvin Levett and anyone else who's ever been someone in Ohio High School basketball. Greg Simpson was my favorite though. Jimmy Jackson was a little before my time, but Disko used to tell me about him. In fact, in some of the programs I have from the event, the players are still wearing short shorts.

I used to memorize those programs. I laughed at schools from places like New Riegel and Lynchburg-Clay. I'd write notes down next to players names like, "Awesome" or "Dunks" or "Shooter" or "Afro." Seaman North Adams is my all-time favorite school name.

I've seen teams from Russia (Ohio ... that's ROO-shee) and my alma-mater Poland Seminary (lost to the LeBrons in '02). I watched he best game I've ever seen (Youngstown Ursuline over Lima Central Catholic in '94) and I've seen Lima Central Catholic blow leads of seven and five points in the final 50 seconds of games. I've seen Vince Littlejohn make a game-winning three-pointer a second after the final horn. I have fallen in love with student sections from Akron Buchtel and Cleveland Heights. All the dudes from Cleveland Benedictine wore wifebeaters back in 1998. NeShaun Coleman had the sickest dunk I've ever seen in a win back in '93.

For all that, it's the stuff that happened around the games that made my year. One year, we met these girls from Wauseon. Me and Disko hung out with these two chicks, while our other buddy Fod-dog, was waiting for another girl to get into town. As the RedDawg's were flowing, the girl shows up and isn't the most attractive girl ever. What ensued was the funniest thing I've ever heard.

She goes into the bathroom and Fod-dog gives me a look and then listens in. This chick was taking the LOUDEST piss ever while also letting out the heaviest sigh I've ever heard. Upon which Fod-dog turns to me and whispers, "wow. That sounds like the beginning of "Gin and Juice!")

If you're familiar with "Gin and Juice" (or listened to Doggystyle like 14 times a day back in '94) you would have laughed your ass off too.

This year, I won't go to all 12 games. I'm bummed. Poland Seminary plays Upper Sandusky (and Ohio State recruit and all-time state leading scorer Jon Diebler) tomorrow night at 8:30 p.m. Right as we'll be all heading to the EGG. Bummer. I'll go to two games tomorrow (2 p.m. and 5:15 p.m.) and probably two on Friday and two on Saturday. Not a bad little weekend.

Loved those Slurpees. They gave Chill Month that little extra chill.

- Art McGregor

Finally proved to myself that I could go out, have some drinks, get drunk and not hang around until after 2 a.m.

That's totally negated, however, by the fact I was really proud of myself for going three consecutive nights without having a beer at The Slo-Pitch. That's a record in '07. Not really, but close.

Nothing really happened and I'm not complaining. Came in and managed to sit at five bar stools in the span of about two hours. Pleasantly surprised to see Shoby Ice working. I figured she was still out of town this weekend. Shocked to find out she didn't know who Hall and Oates were. (Did not ask if she knew each one individually.)

Congratulated Schenkenberg on graduating and he about ripped my hand off in the ensuing handshake. He told me he had managed to take 280 credit hours in his seven years of schooling. (It's the first time he's said "280" since someone asked him what he used to bench press in the ninth grade.)

TD Hoodie came in late with Peaches and this other guy, "The No. 2 bartender at The No. 1 bar in Cleveland," and that guy began pouring glasses of water on people so I left early.

Before that, this random blond girl came over and started talking to me and I could not tell if she was 18 or 35. (She could have been 22.)

How do you know I wasn't interested? I told her my correct age.

Sis spent some time dancing with that random blond and Sis also had another friend with her who apparently forgot 2002 was over because her rainbow thong was sticking out for most of the night. It's the longest non-flag rainbow attire that has ever seen the light of day south of First Avenue in quite some time.

Hadn't seen the Sister that happy in quite some time. Usually, you know, it's her locked in a University of Dispatch-type conversation with someone, but last night she was dancing like it was 1999 (or 2002, like her friend).

Her performance wasn't quite as bad as Elaine Benes' but it did elicit this response from TUG:

"White girls can really dance, can't they?"

Everyone started leaving shortly thereafter and I went home a little wiser, a little more buzzed.

- Art McGregor

Happy six month anniversary to our blog. It's been an interesting ride, to say the least.

Tonight was a pretty decent night. Had a few drinks at the Slo, came home, am about to head to bed.

Looking very much forward to the weekend. Have a dinner date with the cute girl from Bexley. We'll see how it goes.

- AMG

http://freexavier.blogspot.com/2007/03/ode-to-oden.html

Who actually choses to attend Xavier?



What? Couldn't get into Denison? John Carroll a little too far from home? Miami, Ohio have too many attractive girls? Ohio University students party too much? Couldn't get into the state's No. 1 public school at Ohio State? Oberlin-Otterbein-Hiram all actually have a football team? Couldn't figure out where Bowling Green or Kent are located? Case Western doesn't focus enough on academics? Dayton scares you? Cincinnati scares you? (OK, us too on that last one.)

Xavier actually has fewer attractive girls than Notre Dame. And WAY fewer than even Michigan! (A smidge more than ... wait, none.)

McGinley sent me a text from the game in Lexington after Ron Lewis' 3-pointer banged Xavier's girlfriend (not a student at Xavier) that said, "X girls are crying." The response? "It's your duty to comfort the non-fat ones." Well, that left McGinley with absolutely nothing to do.



Who goes to Xavier? Let me tell you.

I remember a fellow I went to school with back in fourth grade. I went to this school called St. Margaret's. We'll call my buddy Hank. Hank always wanted to be a priest. Even in fourth grade. Never really heard from him after I moved following seventh grade. Later found out Hank tried to be a priest but it wasn't strict enough for him and felt people weren't taking it seriously enough. He also said that about his college, Loyola, Md. The Hanker felt too many people were partying and such. I think Hank transfered to Xavier.

I went and saw Jim Rome at a tour stop a few years back in Kentucky at Xavier and it was exactly what you'd imagine: Tons of students (male? female?) in Chad Johnson jerseys (in May), tons of dudes talking about their time spent at all-male Catholic high schools while playing a game called cornhole (not making that up) and lots of fat redneck-wanna-bes with short hair. Big difference in people in Cincinnati and Pittsburgh is that Pittsburghers tend to have dark facial hair and tend to skew a little bit more overweight, while Xavier students tend to play cornhole with buddies from their all-male high schools.

There's really not all that much to say about Xavier. It's a school (we think) that is in Cincinnati. It has graduated exactly zero attractive girls while enjoying less than that number of stellar athletes. Graduates usually continue to work in Kentucky post-graduation talking about how great it is to go to a private school while headed to the Frisch's Big Boy on a Friday night in Covington, Ky.

Highlights of their weekends include drinking Busch Light with buddies and getting "late-night" Skyline Chili at 11 p.m. Highlights of their Saturday's in fall include watching college football on television and going home for the weekend. They also spend a lot of time telling people how to pronounce the name of their school.

Hey Eggs-savior, your school sucks, but at least you're the third best basketball program in Kentucky.

- Art McGregor

I'm back.

A few days too early, but whatever.

I got a call this morning letting me know the blog would die if I didn't start posting again and I explained to The Callerfather that I didn't want to blog because there's only a few things I'd want to talk about.

Mainly, why the hell a friend of mine would intentionally cock-block me, why another friend of mine compared me to a camel and why some people seem to think I cause all "this drama."

Nowadays, more than any other word, the word "drama" carries with it a negative connotation. At least it does with a group of male friends. For the record, I can't remember one instance where I've created drama. I'm sure that's debatable, but I'm not out there talking negatively about other people behind their back's, I'm not cock-blocking, I'm not calling people and bugging them (except McCampus) and I'm not pressuring anyone who's not drinking to drink or even go out. I don't ever tell people what to do or what to think. I don't insist my way of doing things is the right way.

I go out. I love to drink. I love hooking up with chicks and I love talking about myself. That's it. That's me. I also really fucking loved Ron Lewis' shot.

A couple weeks ago, I messed up in not introducing a few girls to my buddy. Later that night, I endured the worst hook-up of all-time. I wrote an e-mail to a group of friends later that week apologizing and saying, "that's got to stop."

Since then, it has.

I really can't think of one thing I've done with my group of friends lately that would piss people off. Other than the whole Mayle's/McGoBlue thing (which still doesn't make sense to me), I've basically watched hoops, introduced friends to chicks, text, gotten pissed at basketball, drank a bunch and made the best mix CD ever at The Slo-Pitch.

Things have definitely changed for me over the past few weeks. I've made this blog (at least my posts) a running-commentary on my inner-monologue. I still don't get why it rubs people the wrong way. This is just the way I think.

People really just don't like the way I'm telling it like it is. It's been like this throughout history. Nothing new. So you're telling me this: Guys are not interested in chicks (OK, unfair in the German Village). Guys aren't always playing some angle to get to know a girl better. Guys aren't hoping to hit some hot ass. I am! I always am! I always do!

Still:

This blog has never gotten me laid. It's never gotten me a free beer. It's never gotten me a hockey ticket (OK, it has). It's never got a chick to like me. It's never got me paid.

But it has gave a lot of people something fun to read while at work. I've never wanted this blog to get me any of that stuff, either. I love to write!! This blog is so freaking fun because it truly is one-of-a-kind. Is there another group of friends anywhere that is doing something like this?

Back to me.

See, over the past few weeks, I've really wanted to divorce myself from the divorcees and random hook-ups. Sure, you'll have a night like Saturday where you've had 22 beers and just want a piece so you'll call this chick, she'll just want to meet you at your place, she'll ask you to text her your address, she'll have a taxi bring her over, she'll tell you that her (male) friend told her not to come, you'll tell her that he's probably right because you just want to have fun, she won't expect that answer, she'll tell you you're not going to be doing anything besides "hanging out in your room," then you'll perform many uncouth actions with/on her, she'll wake up in the morning and tell you your room looks like a teenagers but ask why you don't have feelings for her and then she'll want to do it all over again before 8 a.m.

Those days are over!

Honestly, I do really like two or three girls out there. I think there are a few girls that I genuinely get along with really well and I'd love to get to know them a little better. I want to talk about it but I can't. I can't because I feel that some people enjoy actively sabotaging my endeavors with women. It's sad because I'd NEVER in a million years do that to anyone, let alone my friends.

I don't get it. I don't get the intentional cock-block. Is it jealously? I can no longer trust certain people and that's a shame.

So here's a hint for everyone out there about Art McGregor. Art's going to be Art for Art's sake. He's going to keep on keepin' on.

If you don't like it, eat a dick.

Blog it.

- Art McGregor

Bracketology on the homefront

As those of you in the German Village Media bracket pool are well aware, Ghannastan was off to a big lead after the first round, leading many to speculate that picking teams based on uniform colors was working. In reality, Ghannastan had spent hours researching the teams before making her picks (based on their uniform colors).

However, Sis rallied on Sunday (McPunter) to pull ahead of Ghannastan and now holds the household lead going into the sweet sixteen. (For the record, I've been in third place in the house since the outset.)

The stakes were high between the ladies of the house. Be in first place at the end of the weekend, relax with the Godfather and watch reruns of the Hills (not the Godfather's choice. Ever.)

Be in second, and you had to clean the shower this week. Ghannastan bragged about her lead.

Now, thanks to the Cinderellas from UNLV, Sis gets to play the role of evil step sister.

Hills time for us! (Great!)

- The Godfather

The Sweet 16 is set. I have no chance in any of my pools. I truly hope the people who picked Ohio State end up winning all the money. They deserve it.

Although the season is 2 weeks from completion, I am ready to hand out my end of the season awards. Drumroll please . . .

Most Overrated Player of the Year
Alando Tucker - Wisconsin
His "illustrious" career came to an end in the second round of the tournament (again) after being named a first team All American and Wooden Award finalist. He guided his team to zero Big 11 titles and held the #1 spot in the rankings for exactly zero games, after reaching that mark for the first time in school history and proceeding to lose their next two contests. Disappeared in big games against Ohio State. Tell me again what was the big deal with this guy?

Biggest Piece of White Trash Award (aka the Pittsnoggle Trpophy)
Jason Cain - Virginia
Wahooed his way to a mustache and gigantic shoulder tattoo while hacking opponents, hanging on the rim, and generally stinking up the arena. He was given a clear path to the award when Syracuse was snubbed by the selection committee, thus taking consideration away from heavy favorite Eric Devendorf. Joakim Noah was given serious consideration after his absurd dancing and Eminem-like banter about "caring about nuttin' but banners and rings" until we figured out he was kind of black.

Shittiest Arena in Sports
Rupp Arena - Kentucky
What a fucking joke. That place was built in 1971, and you can tell. Oh and Lexington is a shithole as well. Way to serve the worst chicken sandwich I've ever had in my life. Thanks for the sweet memories, though. It was fun t0 point to the spot on the floor where Harold Pressley grabbed the ball and secured a Championship for Villnova on April 1, 1985. Also fun to point out the locker room where Gary McClain coked out before Final Four games. The best was looking down where all the black players recruited by Adolf Rupp . . . wait, never mind.

Coach Who Looks the Most Like His Mascot
Bo Ryan - Wisconsin
He looks like a badger. The jacket he wore today was just absurd, but as Godfather pointed out today while watching the loss, "he can never coach anywhere else". There are no teams named after squirrels or weasels, so he'll have to stay in Badger land.

Worst Uniforms
UNLV
There were so many candidates, from the new Nike Uni's with flair-shorts and skin tight long sleeved shirt option, and the logo of a guy who never played college sports, or of course, the insanely ugly Tennessee Orange or Oregon Yellow, but no. The Rebels get it for being the only team who could make Scarlet and Gray (the two most beautiful colors in the world) look stupid on a uniform. Tssk.

All Name Team
Zabian Dowdell - Virginia Tech
Scooby Jackson - Tex A&M CC
Tyrese Rice - Boston College
Nate Funk - Creighton
Regis Kandjia - George Washington

honorable mention: Wayne Chism - Tennessee, Greivis Vazquez - Maryland, Obie Nwodike - Central Connecticut State

Jonas Salk Award (given to the greatest man alive today)
Ron Lewis - Ohio State

Those last two awards pretty much speak for themselves.

Most Boring Team
Southern Illinois Salukis
Slllllloooooowwwwwww it dooooooowwwwwwnnnnnnnnn. Play "scrappy defense" work the shot clock on every possession. They make Big 11 teams look like the Showtime Lakers. Didn't help that they were playing in the most boring pod site of all, Columbus, Ohio with other stalwart programs like Albany and Long Beach State. Thank God we got to see Virginia Tech and Illinois! No wonder tickets were going for $30 apiece outside. I mean we all have our Holy Crosses to bear, but can we get a Carolina or a Texas, or even Georgetown or SOMEONE interesting next time? Please?

Most Hilarious Coaching Alumni Association
Iowa State
Sure Tim Floyd has the Trojans in the Sweet 16's and has next year's Kevin Durant (OJ Mayo) waiting in the wings. But we all know how the sons of Troy do it . . . they cheat. Good luck and all before you go on probation, but does anyone besides me wonder what they saw in this guy to give him the job? I mean he was the losingest coach in NBA history for one of the more recently decorated franchises (the Bulls) who went right back to playoff respectability as soon as he left. Makes sense to want that guy. Oh and lest we forget my personal all-time favorite former Cyclone, Larry Eustachy, who not only partied and got drunk with coeds (and probably banged a few) but was stupid enough to let people take pictures of his frolicking folly. Incidentally, ISU not in this year's field.

Worst Announcer
John Thompson
You just can't understand him. He may be making wonderful observations, but he is incomrehensible. This takes the award away from Billy Packer, who gets it every other year, due to the fact that you CAN hear what he has to say. Rooting for the ACC, hating the Big East, never complimenting a non-Kroozewooski coach, second-guessing decisions made by Big 11 or SEC coaches, etc. You know, the stuff he always talks about. Remember the last time he gave you real ANALYSIS of a play or a defensive style, or something you might actually find interesting? Me neither. He was too busy pointing out that the ACC has had more Final Four teams over the last 20 years than everybody else, and that they are physically, spiritually, emotionally, and academically superior men. Then he yelled at a coed who asked to see his media credential.
But JT still gets it.

We're Ohio State's Bitch Award
Michigan
Fired Tommy Amaker. LLLLLoyd Carr (you can't spell his name without 5L's) can't beat the Buckeyes, and even the lady b-ball team cannot win. In fact the three current Ohio State Coaches of Men's and Women's hoops and the Football team are a combined 19-1 against the Blue. Fucking Tressel.

What Could have Been Award
Xavier
All they had to do to win that game was not do exactly what they did down the stretch. Make the free throw. Foul Lewis. Don't heave a 75 footer while you still have time on the clock. Don't choke in overtime. They were up 11 with 7:18 to play. 9 with 2 minutes left. Then, they choked. And for eternity we'll hear from their fans how they "had us beat" and "should have won" well, sportsfan, you get your shot in life. Sometimes you deliver, and sometimes the Buckeyes march on to the Sweet 16. Great effort. Probably should have won. But Goliath slew David yet again, so keep it in your pants.

Biggest Yokel Hillbilly Fans
(tie)
We had to endure the slack-jawed, wrangler-wearin', tabaccy chawwin, screams of Louisville AND Virginia the last 2 days. No folks, not everything is a foul. If it were, the refs would blow the whistle more often. There is no conspiracy against you (though maybe there should be) and the other team does not travel on every play. So stop with the COME OUUUWWN!!s from the seats so far away fro mthe court that only we unfortunate souls can hear you. Yeee-Haws (specialty of the Wahoo fans) are also really lame. Oh and, if you're from the south, you blame the refs for everything (including losing the war between the states) and then the coach, who you refer to in all conversations by his first and last name (see DAMN YOU DAVE LEYTO!) and then the players on your own team, and then the program. There has never been a good call that has gone against you, and you've never gotten a break. I expected the Hickishness from the 'Ville, but I always thought of UVA as an erudite institute of higher learning and traditions that are woven into the very fabric of our society. I did not expect a parade of Elmer Fudd hats, belt buckles, pants decorated with little Virginia logos, orange shoes, and little kids who have nothing to look forward to except a life of rooting for the Cavaliers, shootin' stuff, beating up their wives, hating black people, and having a dawg. But that's what I got.

Stay tuned for next years awards and congratulations to the winners!

- Staff

Hey Xavier, sorry I banged your girlfriend.

- Ron Lewis' 3-pointer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_Hfu7VoZYM&NR

I still don't know how to do this. I love the Sean Miller face at 1:18.

- Ghost

Wow. What a day of college hoops. This is why I love this time of year. Spent my day in Lexingtucky. Saw the two most exciting games of the tourney thus far. The Ohio State game was pure magic. College basketball bliss. We stole one. As Godfather proclaimed last night, and Chicken and I were telling eachother all day yesterday "I still don't know how we won."

The next game was another doozy. Yeah, i wanted the 'Ville to win so we don't have to play A&M in San Antonio, but in the end, I was happy the Cards lost because their fans were annoying. They drank in the stands (one guy just openly drinking cans of beer - and of course the requisite moonshine, fought with each other, booed the A&M cheerleaders who were smoking hot, and said things like "This is supposed to be our state!" and "If I was that other team's dance team, I'd be real embarassed right now." They also bellieved that they were fouled on every play, and cried for travelling every time an A&M player touched the ball. In short, they were a lot like OSU football fans.

Sorry I couldn't join the madness for St. Patty's with you all. By the time I got back, I was tired, had a splitting headache, and was at least 15 hours behind you in drinking, so I just packed it in. I was able to share the day with many of you in cyberspace. My text message machine was in full effect. Below are the top 10 (that I can share) funny text message exchanges I had with GVMers from yesterday. Amazingly, no funny texts from Trombone, but here goes:

10. Me to Godfather "I never stopped believing"
him: "It was fun while it lasted?"
me: "Oh yeah"

9. Me to Truth "Porn and weed tonight!"
him: "You supply the porn, I'm on the trees . . . purple haze!"

8. Me to Dr. JooKoon "John Thompson doing the MSU/UNC game on Westwood one. I cannot understand a fucking word he's saying."
him: "That's because he hates white people."

7. Me to McGregor "2 amazing basketball games"
him "which had better atmosphere?"
me "I had a headache during ours. Louisville fans (who have this place packed) are annoying. I vote neither"

6. Me to Spyder "SweetSixMotherFuckinTeen!"
him "Yea! Ron Lewis is my dad!"

5. Me to the DA "We're going to lose"
him "Who's the WE, white boy?"
me "We are the (sometimes) proud alumn of the best school in Ohio. Got it big east basement bearcat boy?"
him "blow me"

4. (tie) Me to mistertrendy "Xavier Girls are crying"
him "tell those bitches to go eat skyline"

Me to PBH3 "Xavier girls are crying"
him "It is your duty as victor to comfort the not fat ones"

3. Aunt Hurricane to me "You look like Tom Iszo (sic)"
Me "yeah, I've gotten that before"
her "did he f [name redacted] too?"
me "You're killing me"

2. McGregor to me "Godfather just uncorked seven of the unholiest farts ever"
me "good to know. Boy can bring da noize!"

1.


Ice Queen to me "Hi (Ghost), Happy St. Patt's day. Go Bucks!"

Go Bucks indeed.

- Ghost

Giving up the blog for lent because all my friends hate me.

- AMG

Art McGregor is the worse guy ever!!! He sucks!

- Art McGregor

The above picture is a Dromedary, a camel. It stands in stark contrast to a Drama-dery, a resident of German Village.

Besides the spelling, here are some of the other key differences in the breeds . . .

The Dromedary: The Dromedary Camel (Camelus dromedarius) (often referred to simply as the "Dromedary") is a large even-toed ungulate native to northern Africa and western Asia, also the land of east Africa, Sudan, Ethiopia and Somalia.

The Drama-dery: pale-skinned, red-haired, befreckled, 10-toed native of Northeast Ohio. Also found in Baltimore and German Village.

The Dromedary: the best-known member of the camel family. The dromedary camel has one hump on its back, in contrast to the Bactrian Camel which has two. The dromedary is sometimes called an Arabian Camel. Some maintain that the name "dromedary" should be used to refer only to racing camels.

The Drama-dery: largley unknown member of the germanvillagemedia family. let's not get into it's humps right now, this is a family site. The dramadery is sometimes known as the Guy in the North Face jacket.

Dromedary: Male dromedaries have a soft palate, which they inflate to produce a deep pink sack, called a doula in Arabic, hanging out of the sides of their mouth to attract females during the mating season. Dromedaries are also noted for their thick eyelashes and small, hairy ears.

Drama-dery: Cares not for his doula. Simply hangs his deep pink sack to attract females during mating season, which is 364 days of the year. The Dramadery is also known for his 8 shirt repertoire and Peter Brady haircut.

Dromedary: Adults grow to a length of 10 feet and height of six to seven feet. Weight is usually in the range of 1000-1500 pounds. Rarely talks to his friends if a girl is in his field of vision, and does not like it when girls talk to his friends and not him. Severe center-of-attention issues. Also has difficuly understanding why same rules he applies to others must therefore apply to him. At times speaks out of turn, causing strife in the lives of others, who tend to get angry. Woops. That's the . . .

Drama-dery: Considerably smaller in stature, ego reaches 100 feet, and stirs 1000 lbs. of shit.
Natural enemies include The Mayor, Godfather (sometimes), and has recently added McGoBlue, (not impressed by how smart I are). Yikes.

The differences should be easy to detect. If you see the Drama-dery this weekend, I would recommend keeping it away from the Mayor, unless, of course, you happen to have a dromedary close by, able to wisk him away to safety.

- Ghost

I don't comment. I post.

Boom. Add that to the line of McGregorisms.

Have you noticed we've made into verbs a few words on this blog: McGinleying and McGregoring? Well, I did not do any McGregoring last night and it was outstanding!

Great night. Very fun. McCampus went all University of Dispatch on us while attempting to transfer to Erica State but ended up pledging his allegiance to McGregor's alma mater Beer State at the end of the night.

I managed to yell, "Illinois sucks. Which one of you is fucking the ugly girl," to a group of Illini fans.

I'm off to the games. Hold it down, fellas.

- Art McGregor

Great day for the Big 11. (3-0) Great day for VCU. (picked by moi) Great day to be a college basketball fan (I started out an amazing 12-2 but dropped the last 2 games of the night to finish middle-of-the-pack 12-4).

More madness tonight. No drinking. No meat.

Here's the 3-weeks-in Lent dilemma. Yes, I'm extraordinarily boring (moreso than usual) when I'm not drinking. Last night, for example, consisted of watching the Buckeyes build a 20 point lead, leaving my friends when the drunkenness started to set it, going to dinner (Kooma, it was great), and then home. About a billion texts from Xavier fan, Chicken, the DA, Godfather, TT, McGinley's brother, and bed by midnight.

But I feel great. Maybe better than I have in over a decade. I exercise every day, sleep well, eat right (OK, the PowerBar thing is over) don't drink caffeine or alcohol and it's like I have all 5 of my senses back and can actually think for more than about 45 seconds at a time. Yeah, I don't have any good stories about how I hucked a beer bottle onto the roof of someone's car or wizzed in a trash can, or rattled off the starting 5s from the 1987 Final Four teams, or set anything on fire, but it's 7:54 and I've been up for over 2 hours, have already walked the dog, been to Starbucks, done laundry, and, of course, blogged. I also wrote the longest grammatically correct sentence of all time.

Amazing stuff. I gave myself the Catholic holiday as a Special Dispensation day at the beginning of this journey. St. Patty's Day is a Saturday, during the NCAA's, the Buckeyes are playing X, I'm going, and amazingly I have no desire to drink.

Being bad is fun. Being good is better.

- Ghost

p.s. for fun, Syracuse: Seikaly, Shermanator, Derrick Coleman, Stevie Thompson, Howard Triche Indiana: Ricky Calloway, Alford, Dean Garrett, Keith Smart, Daryl Thomas Providence: Donovan, Del Ray Brooks, Pop Lewis, David Kipfer, Jacek Duda UNLV: (this one's tough) Gerald Paddio, Freddie Banks, Armon Gilliam, Jarvis Basnight, Dean Graham.

Wow. I am good.

*****NOT SO BREAKING NEWS*****

Well, the audible has been called and thanks to wire and staff reports of overcrowdedness, the likes which have not been seen since the Friday before the Michigan game, when the Blue finally announced Bo Schembechler had died three weeks earlier, the German Village Media night at the Buckeyes has been moved from the EGG to Brother's.

Art McGregor beat us to the punch on delivering the news, which is unusual. He usually waits until after a deicision has been made and his fate determined before complaining about others who took the bull by the horns and avoided the long line, missed first half, and mad scramble to re-assemble the clan at another suitable bar. This time he complained BEFORE it was even announced.

When I think tournament, I think standing in line on the sidewalk missing the game while we all frantically text and call each other and try to come up with an on-the-fly plan. Actually, I think of driving on High Street.

No, wait. I think ahead and get another plan together so we can actually SEE THE GAME!

I didn't even call this audible, but it's been called. This is not Argentina. You are free to go to whichever bar you choose. We'll be at Brothers (with the outside chance of me skipping altogether).

McCampus, The Godfather, and TD Hoodie contributed to this report.

- Staff reports

Brothers tonight? Really.

Hmmm ... When I think fun times for a tournament game, I definitely think BROTHERS.

I am not complaining for the sake of complaining. Just curious as to why it's BROTHERS. I don't have any other options either. Just saying.

The EGG likely is packed for the radio show because it's on the air until 6 or wherever and I have a really tough time believing it's packed at 4 p.m. on a Thursday.

It works out well though. Because what would have happened it me and the Truth would have gone to the EGG at 5:30 p.m. and everyone else would have shown up four minutes after tip-off and been pissed because we couldn't save them a seat.

Brothers it is. I'll be watching. FROM THE DANCEFLOOR.

- Art McGregor

There's going to be a lot of basketball played today but the strongest move to the hoop already has been made by the guy who took down the shot of Jaeger at 1:41 p.m. this afternoon at The Slo-Pitch.

- Art McGregor

Channels 88-90 on Time-Warner's Digital service will be showing the other games live.

- Staff reports

So, it'll be a slow day for the blog because I'm sure most people are watching TV beginning at noon (9 a.m. in Oregon). Fucking crap that the NCAA tournament is on CBS. I wish it was on ANY other channel. Two days without The Young & the Restless. Not fun.

We've had two days of spring training thus far for our softball team. We're not going to be too bad. Yesterday we practiced snap-one-handed catches Rickey Henderson/Gary Sheffield-style.

Tonight, we'll all be at The EGG for the Ohio State game beginning at 7. PLEASE try to get there early. Like 6. I know some people will stroll in late, but that happens.

(mistertrendy's brother is not invited because he'll beat you up and mistertrendy's brother's girlfriend IS invited because she'll hit on you and lead mistertrendy to say four years later, "First off, my brother would fucking kick your ass.")

I think it'll be a rather tame night because that's what we do. McCampus has yet to RSVP his invitation to Rowdy State and I can already hear my fellow GVMers saying "Just going to take it easy tonight." That does not include The Mayor.

- Art McGregor

THIS IS WHY DUKE SUCKS
Yo, I ain't trying to be mean but how you look like a soccer mom at age 19?



"You even suck at rape." Hahaha.

- Art McGregor

A few NCAA tournament moments that did not suck:

1. Princeton getting over on UCLA in 1996 with a backdoor cut.

2. Bo Kimball shooting the free throws left-handed against New Mexico State and Michigan in 1990.

- Art McGregor

Beware the Ides of March. And hoes.

- Staff reports

Art McGregor's shaving schedule:

(I have figured out that I look best after about 28 hours of shaving. I shaved at 8 p.m. Monday night in anticipation of last night. It's a big question as to whether I go for the "good look" on Friday or Saturday, so I'll try both.)

Wednesday late night: Shave
Thursday evening (before going to EGG): Shave
Friday: NO SHAVE
Saturday: Shave only the neck, not the face.

- Art McGregor

Lots of talk recently about how I always talk about myself and think only of myself and all that stuff. In the next few reading moments, you'll see why in this post.

Cuz if you don't know, now you know, blogger. (Blogga?)

Last night's festivities at The Slo-Pitch, well, what can I say? I was listening to Biggie's "Juicy" (not thinking about Biggie's juicy) on the way into work this afternoon and thought, "Wow. This song reminds me of me." I changed all the lyrics and began singing the song about myself. Few examples:

Eh, fuck that. ... but I was just thinking back to last night.

- First off, I love gay men. They do more work for me than anyone ever has. I noticed last night that most gay men are ridiculously good looking and I am one of the few attractive straight men in all of central Ohio. I had one of the best nights ever last night despite my complainings (not a word) early in the night that, "Why is everyone in fucking Columbus fucking out tonight?;" "This is the most crowded this bar ever has been!;" and "Why the fuck is every fucking person in the German Village eating dinner at 11:30 p.m.? Are they fucking giving fucking food away?" I was standing next to TD Hoodie and he, of course, was sticking up for all of them and making up excuses as to why they were ruining my night.

Listen, on a Tuesday night, give me Hoodie, Bo Bice, Peaches, Shoby Ice, some good music and that's it. Also, some booze. Like, there should only be 10 people allowed in that bar on Tuesday night's after 11 and I should be one of them. We should all be doing shots, listening to classic 80s music and New Edition-type 90s R&B and allowed to stay until 3:15 a.m., while getting a tab for $7.50. Sorry fuckers!

So I talked to Hoodie, and he complained about working 60-hour work weeks and stuff and I really wasn't listening. Doing the McGregor thing... texting people, looking in the mirror, wondering when they were going to play my CD. But Hoodie did have the line of the night when I told him the story of "THE WORST HOOK-UP EVER: MARCH '07 EDITION." He said in complete deadpan and I knew he was serious:

"Oh, I would have just kicked her out."

(ANTI-HOODIE: An [redacted] of The [redacted] had his hands down his underpants in full view of the rest of the bar while talking to someone and Hoodie said, "Hey, it's his [redacted], he can do what he wants to do.)

Then it happened. They put on my CD and the place turned into fun. The CD starts out with Prince featuring Sheena Easton singing "U Got The Look" back and forth to one another while I stared in the mirror at the bar reminding myself that I do, indeed, have the look. You know the look. The one where I try to make my face look like a concentration camp prisoner.

Next song is "Freedom '90" from George Michael and continued on that path. Shoby Ice called it the best CD ever, I believe I scored a wedding date (via text message) to an April wedding
ensuring that I only bring extremely beautiful/gorgeous women to weddings and a pack of WNBA players (not making that up) came in in what looked like a bachelor, I mean, bachelorette party. So they freaking loved the CD mix because it had some smoooooth R&B tracks on it. I mean, it ends with Lionel Richie's "All Night Long" and that's two songs after LL Cool J's "Doin' It."

I doubt Bruno, Herman and Tom ever thought there'd be a day when "Doin' It" was ever played at their bar four nights after two people were doin' it in the middle of the bar.

Little Orphan Annie came out and gave me a bracket to fill out, Hoodie left and things continued to progress until 1 a.m. Schenkenberg came in (not working) with what looked like a purse but I'd never tell him that because he'd throw me in the oven (he once told me so).

(OH, just thought of a funny lyric I changed: "Considered a fool cuz I love girls in high school.")

About 20 minutes prior, Lunch Waitress walks up to me and says hello. She was drunk, hence she said hello. Hence she walked up to me. The most mild-mannered server in the history of the bar comes over to me and starts talking. I do have the look.

Plus she was fucking wasted.

We start talking about whatever and she asks me if guys can trust girls in pointy shoes. I said, "I don't do trust." Seriously. Who cares? If it's a chick, under what circumstances is Art McGregor ever going to have to worry about trust?

That went well and she said she'd be working on Friday night but Shoby Ice is going out of town this weekend, so it won't be all that great.

Earlier in the night, The 1 came over to me (after not saying "hello" upon seeing me) and said he was sick (shocker) and needed to go home (What is this fucking Lent?) Well, he didn't leave and showed up about a half hour later saying, "I love that chick's nose." I'm about to start calling him Seth. Sorry, Seth.

Let it be known, as well, that TUG said hello to me before The 1. Wow. Anyway, it was nice to see TUG and after once declaring him the, "Man, that guy is one of the least friendly people ever," he's turned out to be a nice dude.

Thanks, The 1.

McGoBlue came in later in the evening and we bullshitted for like 30 minutes! I think he's surprised at how smart I am. We bullshitted about Ohio high school basketball and not to get all McGinley on you, but I rattled off the starting five of the 1996 Zanesville basketball team and he was loving it. Did you know McGoBlue was born in Zanesville? No shit. That was a good talk.

Around 1:30a, I stood up and made the circular motion with my index finger and Shoby Ice started playing the CD again. It was OUTSTANDING. Left around 2:30 a.m.

I don't know how you could choose not to drink! I spent no time last night talking about shoes or ... wait.

I did.

- Art McGregor

Just got this text from The Godfather and it made my day:

"did you give up frodo bloggins for lent? make the people laugh. tell them what you did or are going to do. they need art in their culture."

I'm going to start work on an EPIC McGregor post where I definitely will speak to my charm.

- Art McGregor

This one comes from the "get what I deserve" department:

So I go to walk the Glimmer this morning, and I wait as long as I can before he really has to go and I've got to get going, because it was raining hard. So I take him to Colsulate park, we get soaked, he rolls in the mud, is totally disgustinating, and then we go home.

No joke here, as soon as we walk in the door it stops raining, and has not started again since. In fact, the weather has steadily improved throughout the day. It's pretty nice out there. Ridiculous.

I also understand that Derek Jeter is banging Scarlett Johansen, proving that life isn't fair. (which I already knew)

I realize this post is pretty boring, but I haven't had a drink in over 3 weeks and let me tell you, life gets a lot less interesting when you're stone-cold sober. Last night Jewy, Juliet, and I had dinner and we talked about shoes, dog poop, planning a party, and work. We also shared stories about our favorite New York restaurants, who has the best "gaydar", and car reliability. The closest I came to talking about sports was when I mentioned that McLimited would be designing our softball uniforms.

Not that any of those things aren't really interesting topics. Ok, they're not - but they certainly would have been more interesting had I been bombastically drunk, making wild declarations about how awesome things I think are awesome are, and generally making stuff up. I also sincerely doubt I would have steered anywhere near those conversations had my mind been addled with alcohol.

Whatev. Only 3 more weeks of this.

- Ghost

Ghost of Mcginley's travel Schedule for the rest of March(and early April) has just been announced:

Saturday, March 17, 2007: Lexington, Ky.

Tuesday, March 20-Saturday March 24: Palm Beach, Fla.

Monday, March 26-Thursday March 29: Providence, RI/Boston, Mass.

Saturday, March 31: Atlanta Georgia

Monday, April 2: Cincinnati, Ohio

Look for the Ghost this Thursday and Friday nights somewhere around Eddie George's or near Nationwide arena, and then stop looking for him again until April.

_ Staff and wire reports

A classicMcGregor entry from the blog. September 28, 2006:

McGinley and the Truth began a game of pool wiht NiceHair McOrangeshirt and ActuallyPrettyCool Guy.

Few things in life (Tressel over Carr, the Truth's radio station being tuned to 107.5 and a bartender at the SPT1961 or Matt Mayle's winning the nightly "Bartender of the Night" award) are as predictable as what would transpire next.

Yes, it was time for the McGinley-almost-fight-while-playing-pool.

McGinley: "I want to fight. Let's play pool."
the Truth: "I lifted extra hard today, too."

Tensions (as did nostrils) flared but no punches were thrown.

Another small gathering of McDorks began an attempt to play fooseball. McGinley handed McGregor the fooseball so they could not play.

They searched all over the bar for the fooseball in McGregor's back pocket.

"Nice ball," McGregor would say after each shot of the pool game.

Finally, they gave up their search for the fooseball and began bothering other people. McGinley patted McGregor on the back and took the fooseball from him.

The German Village Media softball team is set to begin play on Thursday, April 26 at Berliner Park.

Team members, as of now, include:

TD Hoodie (2B)
Bo Bice (RCF)
McCampus (SS)
The Mayor (Still the one!) (RF)
Art McGregor (LF)
mistertrendy (LCF)
McGinley (P)
the Truth (3B)
The Godfather (1B)

Friends are welcome to join as well. We'd like to have a roster of 12 players, but the above nine always will be promised playing time.

We'd like McLimited to be our uniform designer.

- Art McGregor/The Godfather

No bloggings from me today. Have too much shit to do. But in rather hilarious news, my dad and a buddy joined the Long Beach State athletic boosters club to score tickets for this weekend's games in Nationwide Arena. I think Snoop Dogg also is a booster.

... but only on the left side, yeah that's the Crip side.

See you tomorrow.

- Art McGregor

Spring Training

It's supposed to be 72 degrees in Columbus today. That's reason to be happy. Now before you go ruining it by reminding me that it's sposta get down into the 30's over the weekend, just try to enjoy yourself for a couple of days.

Seems like that's been increasingly difficult for us all to do these days. Sniping at each other via the blog and emails, Godfather transferring his dislike from me to McGregor, some people not drinking, some people busting the balls of those non-drinkers, everybody getting frustrated with McGregor, the Truth disappearing. Maybe we're just spending too much time around each other, hanging out in the same places. Maybe it's the winter blahs.

Maybe we need a fucking road trip. This time of year I'd be in Ft. Myers at Red Sox Spring training, but with the recent world travels, upcoming tourney, and McGinley's brother taking a new job, I didn't go this year. We normally would have made one or two basketball roadies (cutters!) and at least would have attended the Big 11 Tourney, but none of us went this year.

Ah the Big 11 Tourney. Last year was a classic. After several consecutive years of going there, we decided last-minute to pile into the car and make the drive to Indy one year ago this weekend. We stopped at Burger King on the way out of town, McDonalds in Dayton (after an incorrect report of other fast-food establishments at a certain exit), McDonalds again in rural Indiana, and still had hungries in the car when we arrived at our hotel. I had deftly secured a cancelled room at the last minute after hearing reports that all hotels were sold out. My suite at the Embassy was the perfect solution to fit . . . uh six? I slept with the Godfather.

Hungry McManyStops was kind enough to secure us family tickets from some of the players, so the GF and I sat DIRECTLY behind the bench as we survived a scare from the Nits on day 1. The highlight of the day had to be watching Erin Andrews' tits bounce in front of our faces as she strolled to and fro the scorers table. "I bet Herbie's knocking that down," I loudly proclaimed. Godfather was repeatedly punched by a black woman.

Dr. JooKoon/Lil' Seizures made the trek down from Chicago and we proceeded to go out and get annhilated that night. The Rock Lobster, folks. Great bar. So I do my usual and introduce Jooky to a couple of chicks: "have you met my friend (redacted)?" (Could you ever imagine McGregor doing something like that?) Don't try, your head might explode. The I hit the jackpot. Start talking to this chick. She informs she is about 25, a student, is in town from Bowling Green, and is a huge Buckeye fan, replete with Brutus tat on her rump to prove it.

"You have GOT to meet my friend (redacted)". She does. They dance. She's digging all the attention as I film them on the dance floor. [Editor's note: The film was supposed to accompany this post. It is fabulous. Jooky simply has no rhythm whatsoever, and he flips me off at the end. No matter, the chick is literally posing for what she thinks is a picture as Joo gesticulates behind her. If anyone still has this video, please post it] Yet she insits on going home so he does not fuck her. An agreement is made to meet up again the next day and phone numbers are exchanged. Not bad.

We proceed to get really loaded, argue with Indiana fans, give Buckeyes all kinds of high-fives, and meet Hungry and his cousin at a downtown bar, where we win footballs, do shots, chuck said footballs at one another inside and outside the bar, watch cousin hit on fat girls, and retire for the evening.

This is where it gets really interesting. One bed (me and Godfather). One pull out (Hungry and cousin in an ass-to-face configuration a la Yin and Yang). One floor, where Joo sleeps at the foot of our bed risking crunched glasses, and the Mayor sleeps in the other room with no blankets or pillows. Just a NorthFace jacket and a towel. Goodnight.

Day two features morning card games, McGinley screaming at the television about bracketology ("No way George Mason makes the tourney!"), and despite my making fun of his fast food addiction, one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me when unbeknownst to me Hungry lets me use his game tickets as his have fallen through, and watches the game from our hotel.

Beating IU in basketball just never gets old, and I will say "Robert Vaden" for the next several months.

That night we roll back to BroadRipple in a gigantic Hummer limo and ask the driver to drop us as close to the door as possible so all the chicks in line at the Lobster think some celebrity is about to get out. Plan's working perfectly as Jooky gets a text from night-before chick.

Only problem is there's some other dude inside convinced she is his pelt for the evening. And we are not at the Lobster. We're across the fucking street. Sounds like a job for McGinley and the Godfather. After a little back-room planning, we shake the old guy and re-join Joo and the Dancing Queen, and dash across the rue to the now-packed Lobster. As old guy comes charging through the bar asking for her whereabouts, me and GF set the perfect pick, distract him with stories of his suckiness, and watch as Jooky rolls out the side door with his prey. Godfather would later refer to our re-direction as "A misinformation campaign that would have made the Soviets proud". Fists are bumped in Jooky's honor inside the bar.

So he fucks her, right? Well . . . he did help her get her car out of a giant puddle only to realize it had a flat tire. Then when he got back to her room and got her in her underwear he (the tension mounts) decides to . . . go take a shit in her bathroom. This will go down in history as the worst decision ever made by anyone until his even more worser decision to tell me about it the next day. Oh, and then ask me for extra tickets for the unbanged chick and her MOM. Even the Godfather punched him for this one. "Next time, just say yes when I ask, OK?" I implore of Jooky.

To this day I don't care how bad you had to go. Hold the motherfucker for 20 minutes or so, then dump, then bolt. That's how it works. Do it all the time.

Anyway, we hit the late-night Steak n' Shake as I start a near-riot with loser Indiana fans and let a bunch of Illinois stooges have it. Someone throws a mayonnaise missile at me and misses as I writhe on the floor in full mockery of the douche who thinks Thad is bolting for Bloomington the next season. Sorry asshole. Final Four plans to deliver on. Godfather loses his debit card.

We lost the next day to Iowa and secured a 2 seed, never making it out of Dayton. But it was a great trip. We'd make one last fall to Chicago for a football game. I'd say we've been on a downward slide ever since.

We need a sports weekend away. Just the boys. We need the stories, some nice weather, and good times. See you in Atlanta.

- Ghost

I am having people over to watch the women's selection show tonight (8 p.m., ESPN).

I'll also be running a bracket, entries can be turned in for 50 cents apiece.

- mistertrendy

To make myself feel better about myself, a lot of the time I'll just start railing against other people for things they do that make them unique.

I was going to continue my on-going diatribe on The Godfather's decision to give up alcohol for like 80 years during Lent, but I've thought of something else I hate!

How about when you're around someone and they are only talking to the another person and they don't even acknowledge your existence? That is freaking crap.

So Saturday night, I am at a high top with Sis and The Mayor and it was like I wasn't even there. I think I would have gotten the death stare if I had tried to butt in on who was visiting/coming this weekend or who was running for the 57th District county school board commission in 2016 and how having lunch ("or drinks," according to The Mayor) on the 16th Tuesday in April (of 2009) will better your chances of someone else's former deputy security chief of relations pick up a seat in the Ohio General Election Menstrual Cycle Assembly in 2011.

So I just stood there. It was like they had blinders on. I had a feeling they'd HATE it if I tried to join in the conversation.

C'mon! Who does that?! - Art McGregor (Oops. Didn't hit return.)

- Art McGregor

Whenever I don't want to do something fun in the near future (forever) I'm (always) going to say, "Sorry, gave it up for Lent." Even when it's not Lent. That's what makes it funny.

- AMG

Top 10 resons no one is joining Godfather's NCAA pool.

10. "Too tired" - Sleepy

9. "NCAA office pools are against Governor Hero McLiberalpants' policies. I cannot offend his greatness." - Godfather

8. "Busy trying to figure out which round I can grab Jair Jurrjens in my fantasy baseball draft at McGinley's house next Wednesday at 7:30 p.m. where food and refreshments will be provided." - McCampus

7. "Still trying to figure out a way to pick myself to win it all." - McGregor

6. "Does this black shirt go with my black pants, shoes, socks, and jacket?" - mistertrendy

5. "We already know McGinley knows more about college basketball than we do. Why fill out a bracket sheet just to emphasize the obvious?" - Everybody

4. "The only TV I wath with that many Canadian Mondays is Pimp my Rizzide." - JewHair

3. "Gave it up for lent (actually don't want to be humiliated when I lose to Sis)." - Groupie

2. "You see on this play, the guard pulls and picks up the linebacker after the tight end throws a crack-back block and the quarterback rolls to his left . . . oh, basketball? Nah, not interested." - Truth

1. "Immature." - Ex-Mayor of Mayle's/Governor of the Slo.

- Ghost

- I was listening to George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" last night and thought to myself, "Wow, the words in this song sound a lot like a 3 a.m. text message." I doubt he had that in mind.

Were booty calls even en vogue back then? Were phones even around?

- Huge props to me for being ahead of the curve.

As opposed to being a button pusher, a lot of the times, I really feel like I excel at pushing the envelope. If last year around this time, you'd tell me that we'd be controlling the music at The Slo-Pitch four or five nights a week, I'd think you were nuts. I started making CDs for that place in January 2006 and since then, have "penned" about 18 albums. Worked in a group on German Village Media's Nickles and Urine and Live From Stool 17 and Scorned McGinley. I am currently working on tomorrow night's Tuesday: You Booze, You Win and creatively, I'm going in a different direction.

- I walked into The Slo around 11:30 p.m. Saturday night and there was Dick Longshorts and The Mayor sitting at a table with a young African-American gentleman. He was wearing a large red jacket and red Atlanta Hawks hat. My first thought was, "That guy must know The Mayor and is The Mayor like in Big Brothers/Big Sisters?"

Actually my first thought was, "Where do you get an Atlanta Hawks hat around here?"

Turns out he needed to use The Mayor's cell phone for an unspecified reason. Upon many requests for, "Dude, why was that black kid sitting with us?," The Mayor continued to stick talk his talking points:

"Just helping out my constituents," he said.

- Friday night was fingerbanging night at The Slo. Rumor has it the dame was taking it in the "cooter and in the shooter," according to unnamed sources.

Basically, some chick drunk was high off life and her male companion had a little too much and started an X-rated makeout at the bar's peak hour.

It's unknown if she peaked.

- Had fun at the Slo between the hours of 1 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. on Friday night. Saturday night, as some of you know, consisted of The Mayor, Sis and I. So what happened was this:

Sis and The Mayor talked about work for about nine hours and I had three beers and kept saying, "I can't believe I'm fucking tired."

Back to Friday. CPN and friends joined us at the table and we had a pretty hilarious conversation. I don't know. We laughed a lot. There was nothing much discussed but we all did seem like we were having a really good time.

- Had an outstanding dinner on Saturday night. But hit a wall around midnight and figured out that I was TOO TIRED TO GET DRUNK.

- McCampus hung out with the O'Bannons both nights.

- Art McGregor

Can some people please start joining The Godfather's bracket thing? Or does anyone know someone who's running one? I think I have the same Final Four as McGinley. I had Florida, Georgetown, Texas A&M and Kansas. With Florida winning it all over Georgetown.

- Art McGregor

In case anyone was wondering, Ohio State plays at 7:10 p.m. on Thursday night. Times can now be found on all the sports Web sites.

Art McGregor will have his weekend recap in a bit.

- Staff reports

Congratulations Ohio State Men's basketball team on FINALLY winning a Big 11 Tournament. It's about time we got to hang a banner in the Schott.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking we may have won it one other time when the Mayor, TJTC, Godfather and I saw us win the trophy in Indianapolis a few years back. But no, that didn't happen. Just ask the NCAA.

As sure as the Fab 5 were never eligible and all 3 Final 4 teams from 1985 were from the Big East, there is NO BANNER to prove the existence of the 2002 Tourney title in our gym, instead proving that it never occurred.

We will also be looking to go to our first Final 4 since 1968. Nope, that whole '99 run didn't occur. Just try to look it up. You won't find it anywhere? Why? Because it didn't happen, that's why.

Go Bucks. I hope what happens this year actually happens. Unless, of course, we get routed in an early round, in which case it goes on the scrap heap of history, like a certain football game that may or may not have ever occurred.

- Ghost

p.s. So this morning was kinda rough with the loss of the hour of sleep and all. It was the first time I truly ever questioned my decision to quit drinking coffee. Until I remembered an article Juliet showed me over the weekend that illustrated how much caffeine is in one cup of Starbux Java. A 12 oz. (or tall) cup of (ehem) joe at the 'Bux has 370 mg of caffeine, as compared to a 12 oz. (can) of Coke or Pepsi, which have about 38 mg.

Yes, that's right, for those of you ungood at doing math, that's 10 times as much. And that's just a tall (or small by SBux standards). I used to drink multiple (2 or 3 a day) VENTI coffees every single fucking day and suffered the avuncular effects. No wonder I was always jittery, never slept, had the Ihop hand trembles a lot, fought anxiety issues, was generally in a bad mood all the time, and had a heart rate somewhere around 2,700. It literally was like drinking over 30 cans of Coke every day, minus the sugar.

Now, if any of you heard the news that I had kicked my 30+ coke can per day habit, would you have given it a second thought? Interestingly I don't drink coke anymore either. I don't do anything with it. You know, like mine for it.

Not everyone needs to kick bad habits just because I have over the poast few years. But the shit I was putting into my body was literally killing me. I smoked, was an avid booze and coffee drinker, ate like a pig, never exercised, and did other unawesome things. I was a heart attack waiting to happen. Now I can just sit back, relax and wait to die of Alzheimers.

My first immpression of the field is to take Florida, UCLA, Georgetown, and Texas A&M in the final 4, with a G-Town/Fla. final. Taking Texas A&M is smart, since there are two of them in the field, thus increasing your chances by 100% of getting that pick right.

Gotta like the chalk for the repeat. I'm hitching my star to the Gators in my pool. I think they're unstoppable. Recall I said the same thing about the Yankees going into the baseball playoffs (playoffs?) last year. I also may have made some references to the troyGinns being mildly unstoppable in football last year. YAH!

I'll be talking a lot over the next few weeks about how much more I know than you do about college basketball. Don't listen to me. I just intend to enjoy the ride. Go Buckeyes.

- Ghost

p.s. I hereby place a moratoium on any conversations about whether Greg Oden can/will/should/might come back next year. Who fucking cares? I only care about this year, and we're sitting prettier than the OSU cagers ever have. Anyone who brings this subject up will get ignored harder than McGregor ignores and refuses to talk to all of his friends if there is a girl in the same area code as he.

Sorry Arty, don't know why I'm going so negativo on you all of a sudden. It's so much more fun to make fun of your Luis Polonia-like taste in the fairer set. But whatev.

COLUMBUS REGIONAL

TONS OF ORANGE, NO SYRACUSE

Wow. The Columbus regional is hardly a blockbuster. Tickets should be somewhat affordable.

Eight teams will be invading Nationwide Arena and they will all likely score more than the Blue Jackets.

On Friday, there are two sessions:

Illinois (orange) vs. Virginia Tech (orange)
Holy Cross vs. Southern Illinois (yikes)

Southern Illinois should bring some hotties. The folks down in Carbondale can flat-out party. I knew this bartender in Key West at the Green Parrot and his name was strictly "Carbondale Man." He was a drugged-out 50-year old who talked really fast and was hilarious. He went to SIU. I also worked with a guy who used to do crystal meth and would call me when he was in his room (I was in the living room) and he'd ask if the cops were there. That guy also went to Southern Illinois.

The other session on Friday includes:

Long Beach State vs. Tennessee (orange)
Alabany vs. Virginia (orange)

Long Beach State fans are thugs and still wear Chicago White Sox "Sox" hats! Yeah 1993!!

Winners will play Sunday.

I'd have to imagine Tennessee and Illinois will bring the most fans. And Holy Cross will bring the hottest fans, well, maybe not. Holy Cross High School would bring the hotties, not so sure about the college.

Oh, and the dude in the picture? Gordie Lockbaum, one-time Heisman candidate!

- Art McGregor

Let's see how close they are. Give me a break with this Drexel bullshit. Not in. Joe Lunardi can go back to Philly, with his beloved Dragons.

My field is set. Finally.

St. Louis
1. Ohio State
16. Central Conecticut

8. Vanderbilt
9. Duke

4. Texas A&M
13. Holy Cross

5. Louisville
12. Xavier

3. Pitt
14. Oral Roberts

6. Indiana
11. Gonzaga

7. Butler
10. Texas Tech

2. Memphis
15. Niagra

E. Rutherford
1. Florida
16. Weber St.

8. Villanova
9. Winthrop

4. Washington St.
13. George Washington

5. Va. Tech
12. Kansas St.

3. So. Illinois
14. Miami (Ohio)

6. Boston College
11. Missouri St.

7. BYU
10. Michignan St.

2. Georgetown
15. Albany

San Antonio
1. Kansas
16. Jackson St./Fla. A&M

8. Kentucky
9. Arizona

4. UNLV
13. Wright St.

5. Virginia
12. Purdue

3. Oregon
14. Belmont

6. Nevada
11. Arkansas

7. Marquette
10. NMSU

2. Wisconsin
15. N. Texas

San Jose
1. North Carolina
16. Texas A&M Corpus Christi

8. Tennessee
9. VCU

4. Maryland
13. LBSU

5. USC
12. Syracuse

3. Texas
14. Penn

6. Notre Dame
11. Illinois

7. Creighton
10. Davidson

2. UCLA
15. Austin Peay

missestrendy, self-proclaimed "huge Buckeye fan," was involved in this conversation:

Art McGregor: "Aww, that's Thad Matta's daughter."
missestrendy: "Who's that?"
Art McGregor: "Ohio State's coach. Really?"
missestrendy: "I thought his name was Tom."

- Staff reports

**What a wild night. Basketball-wise, of course. I still am not drinking, but by the time I finished updating my brackets, fining a way to put Arkansas, Rhody, Utah St., and Illinois in and placing Old Dominion, Air Force, Stanford, Georgia Tech, and (sorry McCampus) Toledo in the NIT mix, my head was spinning.

Made a few projections, and adjusted for possible conference tourney outcomes. Notice the team making its first appearance of the season on the 1 line. The very first bracket I made back in January, I had them at an 11. Assuming they take care of business today, they can go in as the hottest (and most dangerous) team in the field. And as a 1, of course, they are guaranteed of not being in our region.

Let me hear more shit from you people about how we "need to play the best" and other retarded nonsense like that. Let me also remind you of when I implored you to not root for Rutgers, stating simpy that a championship game matchup vs. Louisville was better for the Buckeye footballers. But no, Smarty McSmartypantses throughout GVM decided then-McGinley had NO IDEA what he was talking about, as you handed the trpohy to the Gators. Stupid.

So morons, listen this time. Root for Georgetown. We want to be as far away from them in the tournament as possible.

Go Gators! (as GVM Einsteins would unwittingly say) Go Hoyas (aka Go Buckeyes, as the Ghost likes to roll).

Brackets are updated. Tomorrow the real ones are revealed.

St. Louis
1. Ohio State 2. North Carolina 3. So. Illinois 4. Texas A&M 5. Louisville 6. Butler 7. Indiana 8. Vanderbilt 9. Duke 10. Texas Tech 11. Syracuse 12. Xavier 13.Holy Cross 14. Oral Roberts 15. Austin Peay 16. Central Connecticut

East Rutherford
1. Florida 2. Wisconsin 3. Oregon 4. Washington St. 5. Viginia Tech 6. Notre Dame 7. BYU 8. Winthrop 9. Kentucky 10. Davidson 11. Missouri St. 12. Kansas St. 13. George Washington 14. Miami (Ohio)15. Albany 16. Weber St.

San Antonio
1. Kansas 2. Memphis 3. Pitt 4. UNLV 5. Virginia 6. Nevada 7. Creighton 8. Villanova 9. Arizona 10. NMSU 11. Illinois 12. Arkansas 13. LBSU 14. Belmont 15. North Texas 16. Fla. A&M/Jackson St.

San Jose
1. Georgetown 2. UCLA 3. Texas 4. Maryland 5. USC 6. Boston Coll. 7. Marquette 8. Tennessee 9. VCU 10. Michigan St. 11. Purdue 12. Wright State 13. Gonzaga 14. Penn 15. Niagra 16. Tex A&M CC

To be updated frequently over the next 32.5 hours.

Last 4 in: Arkansas, Kansas St., Xavier, Mssouri St.

Lat 4 out: Air Force, Stanford, Old Dominion, Georgia Tech

- Ghost

p.s. there's one spot left. Kansas State currently holds it, but if NC State pulls the upset tomorrow, they get it. 64 in, 1 to go. Buckeyes are a #1.

Have absolutely zero negative things to say about lunch today. Had a great time. SS, The Godfather, McCampus and I watched the game and *yawn* Ohio State beat Michigan. Again.

I might head back over there for dinner because they have like 50 TVs and that one hot chick still might be there.

- Art McGregor

Very good evening last night. Took it "easy" at The Slo-Pitch and despite my unusually high bar tab for the unusually-low seven beers I had, things were very fun.

Where have you gone Strawberry DiMaggio, our bar tabs turn expensive eyes to you, who hoo hoo.

(A group of high students ate dinner with parents around 11 p.m. and I hit on none of them.)

Had good conversation, discussed a possible trip to Key West and The Mayor and I ruled the planet. Not really. We sat in the corner and actually had real conversation.

Bo Bice and TD Hoodie came in for a glass of wine or two and McCampus stayed in to watch a repeat of Grey's Anatomy.

The Mayor represented with a bevy of fantastic quotes, a few of which I wrote down.

ALSO, I got Hoodie to admit that any artist guy who comes into a bar with a notepad is an idiot.

ANYWAY, I was writing down these quotes on a napkin. For all the self-righteous folks out there that don't find The Mayor humorous, eat a dick ... blog it:

On the Abercrombie girl "calling The Mayor out" for asking him if he knew someone - "I don't think I know anyone at the Girl Scouts to get them fired."

On what we're doing this evening, said in complete deadpan with the utmost seriousness while writing a text message - "I don't care what we do, I'm getting fucked up."

Don't know what's up tonight. (Shaking my head "no.") For now, I'm off to the EGG to watch the Buckeye Staters in the quarterfinals of the Big 10 tournament.

- Art McGregor

Championship Week Heats Up



(Now, before I get railed for criticizing and objectifying these women, let's remember they all chose to pose on the Internet in a bikini.)

Thanks to Campus Girls USA, I'm able to handicap the hottest tournament this side of March Madness. And these girls, I'm sure, score more often than any team in the Big 10 tournament.

By no means is this a collection of the 24 hottest girls at Ohio State. It's still a better 24 than any show Keifer Sutherland will ever appear, though.

Gotta love the staff at Campus Girls USA. These guys know what they're doing.

Remember that time someone messed up taking a picture of an attractive girl in a bikini? Me neither. Ever.

Let the forecasting begin and grab an umbrella:

In six of the eight subregionals (it's fun to say subregionals when discussing bikini-clad future pharmaceutical saleswomen), the bracketmakers did their homework (to compensate for Molly, I'm sure, who said, "[I don't] get too concerned with school though, the best part of college is going out and having a good time). It's no contest in these six subregionals:

Ebony & Ivory are clear winners.

Ashley moves on to round 2.

Halle could have received a bye into the championship round (it's fun to say "bye/bi" and Halle in the same sentence. Phew. But I imagine, it wouldn't be too fun to say bye to Halle).

Audrey, bad swimsuit choice and all, moves on, though Danae, I assume, looks better in person in a I-can-see-her-in-an-Eminem-video type of way.

Morgan. Period. I won't knock her for calling Disney World "Disney world." She does own her own business. Not making that up. She's also the most likely to appear on Cinemax sometime before 2010.

Kate defines the girl-next-door look. She's in a sorority (she didn't want to go to Miami, Ohio?) Loss of points there. But she does thank me for "looking her up." Seems she doesn't mind the Stalky McStalkersteins out there.

Two subregionals baffle me:

Shannon, Erin and Natasha. Without doubt, the hottest collective subregional. Natasha leaves us with a quote from Bob Schneider:

I’ll leave you with this quote, “This is the way life’s supposed to be, and there’s a reason that you cannot see.” – Bob Schneider

Tasha, baby, we can see plenty. We are definitely glad you have use of your thumbs.

So the front office over at Campus Girls USA (wow, even "front office" sounds good when discussing these girls) put those three in one subregional and then leave us with:

Megan & Michelle, Emily and Alexis? Weak. How about getting rid of Megan & Michelle and splitting up Ebony and Ivory, and moving either Shannon, Erin or Natasha over to this subregional and putting Ivory in the "Group of Death" (aka Shannon, Erin, Natasha).

It's tough to pick a winner in either of these two subregionals, but duty, it's a motherfucker.

In the second round, we'll go winner of Group 1 (Ebony & Ivory) versus winner of Group 8 (Kate) and so on.

The matchups:

Ebony & Ivory vs. Kate

Ashley vs. Alexis

Halle vs. Morgan (Um. Who wouldn't pay money to see this matchup ... in the quarterfinals! Wow. It's kind of like when England played Brazil in the World Cup in 2002.) (SIDE NOTE: It's fun to use any variation of the word Brazil when discussing these girls.)

Audrey vs. Natasha

The bottom half (bottom half. excellent) of the bracket is just ridiculous. In a semifinal, you have Morgan vs. Ashley. If this were the Final Four, this definitely would not be the game that tips off at 6 p.m.

In the junior varsity game, it'll be Natasha vs. Ebony & Ivory. Neither are in the top four, but both make the semifinals. So go the breaks.

In the championship, I go with Morgan over Ebony & Ivory.

Still, I'd pay the most money to see Halle and Morgan go at it in best-of-seven fashion. Or in no fashion at all.

Breaking down all the contestants:

Ebony & Ivory
Scouting report: Ebony claims to be the cool twin. Don't know about that. They both seem hot.

Sweden
Scouting report: Eh. Maybe she'd make the cut on a 48-month calendar.

Jessica
Scouting report: More suited to hate her job waiting tables at Applebees or some other chain restaurant.

Ashley
Scouting report: My buddy The 1 said, "She was like the hottest girl I've ever seen. Ever. Like hottest thing ever."

Lauren
Scouting report: Nice to meet you. Seems nice.

Molly
Scouting report: A future in softcore porn.

Halle
Scouting report: Halle-lujah. Bartender down at Brothers. Once spent six hours talking about her while drinking Budweiser Select in an aluminum bottle/can.

Alicia
Scouting report: Hold on a second, she's in the same bracket as ...

Jen
Scouting report: I redact my statement about Shannon, Erin, Natasha being the best-looking subregional. This wins that award. Sorry Alicia and Jen. I cannot believe I missed you two on first glance. Tough break getting stuck with Halle. Those lips, Jen. Nice.

Audrey
Scouting report: Classic pin-up look.

Betty
Scouting report: Yeah, well, OK, I guess.

Danae
Scouting report: Reminds me of Taryn Manning, that crazy chick with Kirsten Dunst in that movie Crazy/Beautiful.

Shannon
Scouting report: Looks like the quiet, library-type. That's not a knock, either.

Erin
Scouting report: The eyes.

Natasha
Scouting report: Poet scholar.

Morgan
Scouting report: It's unknown if she inspired Akon's "I Wanna [Love] You." Probable.

Maria
Scouting report: Did not inspire Wyclef Jean's "Maria, Maria."

Holly
Scouting report: Looks like the type of girl who'd complain guys only like her because she's pretty and then pose for Campus Girls USA. Holly would.

Megan & Michelle
Scouting report: (pause) ... Michelle has a nice smile?

Emily
Scouting report: Maybe that's just a bad picture of her.

Alexis
Scouting report: Looks amazing from the neck down.

Kate
Scouting report: Kate probably would be a great friend and end up marrying some junior bank executive at age 23.

Joanna
Scouting report: She's from my hometown. She's got great eyes.

Erica
Scouting report: Not bad.

Look forward to 2008.

- Art McGregor

I just bit the end off of my tongue. It really hurts and it is bleeding profusely. Anything to lose weight? No, anything to get out of having to go to Ironton tomorrow.

- DJ Ghost

- Tom Brady got Giselle pregnant? Wow.

- McCampus said he was doing some soul searching and The Godfather recommended Indigo Girl's "Closer to Fine."

- McCampus broke a Pete Yorn CD. "I fucking hate his hat," he said.

- I convinced McCampus to start chewing again. Yes.

- AMG

All of the attractive people were at TV on the Radio, and the show rocked.

Jesus/Bo Bice/Rockstar hung out with them all day on the tour bus/mixed campus locations. Peaches and I joined the band after the show for heavy drinking and interesting conversation topics such as: So when you produced David Bowie’s last album, how was he to work with?

I also saw a cool girl fight where one girl nearly threw another down a flight of stairs. No shirt ripping = girl fight (rather than the superior form of woman conflict, which involves shirt ripping ... the cat fight).

- TD Hoodie

http://www.campusgirlsusa.com/cgtv.php?yr=08&sid=osu&epid=1

Ebony and Ivory steal the show and got my vote. I'm glad they're getting the props they deserve. They drew an easy bracket with Sweden and Jessica.

Sweden can afford to drop a few LBs and Jessica ... c'mon. Don't you have a table to wait at Applebee's or something?

Seriously. How would I describe her? Well, she looks like a girl who would hate her job waiting tables at a chain restaurant.

Yes, I'll have the mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers and a coke. Yeah, that'll be separate checks.

- Art McGregor

Pete Yorn brings the gremlins.

I have never seen a more unattractive fanbase for an attractive artist. It was as if ugly people throughout central Ohio had the opportunity to buy one ticket get 300 free. There were six good looking girls at the show. I'd say there was about 3,000 people/gremlins there.

I probably said "Ugly State" at least 16 times. (Before 9 p.m.) The 1 and the Truth claim they saw the "most perfect ass ever" but I never did and The 1 ended up making small talk with two of the more ugliest girls ever which assured us that they'd stick around us and not let us get to the group of hot biddies standing in front of them. Shame.

Yorn makes some sweet music but has the worst collection of groupies. I think he dreads my personal motto, "Different city. Different biddy."

Couldn't get drunk. Had about seven beers and left the show around 11:30p. Mostly walked around with McCampus and he was doing well until he said "Fuck you" to me and walked away. This is while I was drinking a beer and after I helped him pay for his ticket. My bad.

Quote of the night came pre-show over at the House of Crave. This bar with a White Castle in it next to PromoWest.

House of Crave: Population seven people.

"I did those two afterhours this weekend and you know? No drugs. That's tough to do. [To] go 48 hours like that without drugs. Put that on the blog." - Unnamed German Village Media staffer.

Ain't that the truth?

After the show, The Mayor and I went to The Slo-Pitch and things got ... well:

1. Do not call out The Mayor. "Calling out" The Mayor includes, and is not limited to, asking him if he knows somebody.

Example -

"So [The Mayor] do you know [Hollister]?"
The Mayor: "Yes."
"Oh wow. Really?"

The "Oh wow. Really?" is considered a MAJOR call out in Mayorese.

The Mayor went on to say many things like, "[A], do you believe she called out The Mayyyyor?" and "C'mon! You're going to come into The Mayor's bar and call him out like that?" and "I should get her fired!"

He said those three things in succession. Like a broken record.

(OH, before I forget and this is in the "I couldn't make this shit up department" ... Pete Yorn played Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" for a brief moment. Not making that up.)

But The Mayor and I ended up talking to these two girls that McCampus invited to The Slo-Pitch and basically pitched a wonderful infomercial for The Slo-Pitch. It was good times.

The one chick works for Abercrombie and has meetings all day today where she'll be staring at girls in their underwear. I informed her that I had spent maybe 18 minutes (combined) looking at girls in their underwear. That's not this week. That's in my life.

I had one beer at The Slo-Pitch and called it a night at around 2 a.m. the Truth and Joe Incognito rolled into the bar at a little after 1a. the Truth had disappeared from the show early and I can't blame him.

After all, gremlins are ugly and oh, don't call out The Mayor.

- Art McGregor

Few people have mastered the art of gluttony as completely as Spongy Mcjewhair. About 4 years ago in Naples, Fla. I witnessed him accept the Shula Steakhouse challenge, and attempt to down a 44 oz. steak that was the size of a fucking football.

None of us thought he would do it. Well, after noticing he wasn't talking for some time and seeing that he was carving off fist-sized pieces of cow flesh and shoving them into his pie hole, I realized that not only was he going to prove he was up to the challenge, but that he was actually trying to finish his plate before I could eat all of my 8 oz. filet. Didn't help that he was taking advantage of the fact that I was probably talking . . . a lot. Anyway he finished the brontosaurus burger and for his , er . . talents was awarded a Don Shula football, and his name was posted on the wall of the restaurant and put on the Internets.

There have been other, less infamous displays of eating prowess. IceMother probably remembers the pizza eating contest between Jewy and me in our nation's capital a few years ago. He won. And when he was a real fat-ass (you know, kinda like he's looking now?) he used to just straight shovel food into his goot like nobody's buisness. It was actually kind of gross to watch, but Holmes could eat.

He curbed the urge to voraciously consume and lost a lot of weight (and titties) over the past few years. Until last night.

"So what's this Thurman burger challenge?" he asked his waitress.

"Oh honey, we've never seen anyone finish it. It's a double Thurman burger, loaded with everything and a large order of fries," she replied confidently.

"You're just saying that to try to get me to do it, right? I'm sure other people have eaten it," he demured.

"No, I'm serious," she said sheepishly. "No one who works here has ever seen anyone eat it, I mean . . ."

"Well than fuck you, bring it on," barked Kobayashi, Jr.

And bring it on they would. The man in the booth next to theirs turned and bet the venerable vortex of intemperance $10 that he wouldn't finish it.

10 minutes later, without aid of even a single sip of water or beer, the plate was clean, and a large moaning mammal resebmbling a manateee was belching and complaining about the pain in his midsection.

"Well, you did it. Congratulations. Here's your T-shirt and dinner's on us," offered a surprised waitress. "It's an extra large, I hope it fits," she added.

"Hey, I'm not THAT much of a fatass," snapped the guy who had just honked 24 oz. of beef and 2 lbs. of cheese, onions, tomatos, onion rings, mayo, lettuce, mushrooms, oh and a LARGE ORDER OF FRIES, with seeming ease.

The $10 bet was quietly paid.

And off he went. But before he could leave a Thurman patron stopped the ready-to-explode, mass of humanity as he ambled toward the door.

"That guy you just bet $10, you might not want to keep his money," said stranger, staring in awe at the bottomless pit he has just seen participate in a food orgy.

"Why not?" inquired the semi-barbarian.

"Uh, he just got out of prison for killing someone. Yep, was workin' on a construkshin saat and beat some guy to death," he warned.

"Oh, well I guess I better get outta here," said the lewd, lascivious, letch as he lumbered toward his Lexus.

And off he went. He has the T-shirt (and the ten bucks) to prove it. What a site. What a fatty.

- Ghost

p.s. the following is a top 10 list of GVM responses to the news I have to be in Ironton, Ohio all day tomorrow.

10. "eew" - Sis

9. "Oy Veyshmir" - JewHair

8. "Ah, yes, Jermon Jackson's hometown" - McCampus

7. "I'm sorry, where? I didn't hear you, I was too busy thinking about me" - McGregor

6. "Unawesome" - Trombone

5. "See you down there!" - Stalker

4. "I mean it's at the bottom of Ohio, it's sandwiched in between Kentucky and West Virginia, I'm pretty sure it's a hole" - Godfather

3. "Disgustinating" - Juliet McCrutchycrutch

2. "We used to play them in football" Truth (as he begins diagramming plays)

1. "What did ya lose a bet?" - Groupie, using aline he stole from our friend at OADA.

Yep, that's right. Ironton. That's where I'll be while you guys are enjoying your Friday, having fun, eating meat, drinking, watching the Buckeyes.

Yuck.

Is Eric Devendorf the most annoying player in all of college basketball right now?

- Ghost

The time between 3:19 p.m. and 3:49 p.m. goes by really slow when you stay up until 3:49 a.m.

- AMG

3:19 p.m. comes really fast when you wake up at 12:19 p.m.

- AMG

mistertrendy has informed German Village Media that Seth will be attending the Pete Yorn concert tonight.

- Staff reports

Tough to imagine another Tuesday night where I get that drunk. No need for an evening like that.

It was fucking sweet.

Let me save you the drama. Act serious for two seconds. Look around. Start to laugh. AND .... go! IMayNotEvenDrinkTonightAtTheConcert. Hahahahaha ...

That's the good thing about Columbus, however. It's a decent-enough sized city. There's always going to be some group out and having fun on a Tuesday night.

I don't ever want to be the guy parked outside my house this morning listening to the radio eating Wendy's on his lunch break.

I've done a few things over the past few days that you're just not supposed to do. Yesterday I had chicken fingers, fries and a four handfuls of Tostitos and closed the night with six hours of hard drinking and six shots of hard liquor. It was awesome.

I wrote down a note sometime around 1 a.m. to remind myself of something last night. I can type sober with ease. Writing? Whole nother story.

It said, allegedly, "You're a politician. You're a hairdresser. You're fucked." At the time it was fucking hilarious.

TD Hoodie busted out some AMAZING Paul Simon lyrics (gaberdine suit) late in the night and I almost strapped one on and banged him right there. Massive hugging and jumping had to do.

Bo Bice was on fire all night. I didn't really start talking to those guys until relations cooled with Shoby Ice and Sis. Both of whom I talked to for some time before the SHOTTTTTTTS and heavy boozing began.

Some random who had just been hired for a job gave me her card (unasked) after I talked to her for about six seconds. She said I was absolutely adorable. Guess my bangs don't look too bad after all.

Had the same conversation I do with Sis everyfreakingtime I talk to her at The Slo-Pitch. She says, "You think?" a lot. She says, "Oh, she's cute." She say, "Ew. She is not even cute." We talk about ourselves a bunch. Then she says bye, "leaves" and goes and hangs out on the other side of the bar for 40 minutes.

Shoby Ice won MVP last night for her outstanding iPod mix of songs like Pretty Young Thing (I almost called a buddy of mine who once dry-humped a giant RedBull can to that song ... but then remembered he was now married and had a kid. Oh, and it was Tuesday.) She also had my favorite Rolling Stones song on there "Can You Hear Me Knockin'?" a song that reminds me of spitting tobacco all over myself while chewing with mistertrendy. In the afternoon. On Sundays. When it's sunny out.

There was Whitney Houston, Steve Winwood but no Richard Marx. Guess I will have to go check out that Cockburn concert on St. Patrick's Day.

That was fun. Only bummers were The Mayor's downright negative attitude (C'mon!) and Lent. 31 days to go!!!

It snowed last night?

- Art McGregor

OK, I'm officially sick of winter. Nice fucking day outside. According to weather.com the record high for today's dat ewas 77 degrees back in 1974 (when some of us were alive) and the AVERAGE high is 49. Today's high? 29. Thanks God!

Nice day if you're Wright State, Oral Roberts, or North Texas. Villanova would do itself well to not lose this one today. And Syracuse beating UCONN is almost a must. West Virginia better beat a fiesty Providence team tonight, or they'll beat a hasty retreat to the NIT. It may not matter either way, but a loss is the equivalent of political suicide for the Mountaineers.

Obviously, the Big Sky and Northeast Conf. Championship games are play-ins for the winners, go-homes for the losers.

Championship week marches on. March heats up. Well, not literally.

- Ghostologist

p.s. the stunning lack of The Who on my ipod has been rectified. Just downloaded Pure & Easy, 5:15, Mary Anne with the Shaky Hands, Heaven and Hell, I'm Free, and My Wife on the nano machine. Will try to best my 55 minutes on the treadmill (set on Sunday) as the march towards 185 (the weight) continues. 10 lbs. off of Australia weght as of this morning.

Gotta be honest, I feel pretty badly for Scooter Libby today. The guy is just simply not guilty, but would you want to be a Bush administration official on trial in this environment? I wouldn't.

I knew him a little from road work. I am 100% convinced that he hit on me once on a trip to Dallas. I ended up taking the cook (a chick) from the restaurant we ate and drank at back to one of the nicest hotels I've ever stayed in, the Mansion at Turtle Creek. From that moment on I became convinced of two things, he is gay and I am not. That trip was also the best advance I've ever done from a lot of standpoints. A huge flawless event that even shocked the boss for its efficiency. Dick Army event. Remember him?

I also went to Dealey plaza, and I'm sure you've all heard the Tom Cruise/Penelope Cruz story. Same trip.

Scooter was kind of a dick to me in Davos, during one of my more forgettable advance experiences. I short-stopped the boss's elevator and then ran Scooter down a back stairway, I'd run 25 times, only to be stopped on gameday by a cop who could not be convinced of my bona fides.

Realizing I had no time, and remembering the old adage to "never argue with a guy who has a high school education and a machine gun" we booked it to another short cut and got there just in the nick of time. As they went onto their meeting, Scooter turned to me and said "It was a nice career, wasn't it?"

"Not really," I replied. He grimaced, and I'm sure later complained about me.

Anyway, he was actually usually pretty nice to me. He got pissed once in Missouri when there was staff in the staff office, so he had to go into the boss's hold to make a peronal call, but what the fuck? He knew the world was about to collapse on him, and dammit, I know what he's going through. All too well.

He needs to deal with the fact that he's not going to beat this rap and drop his appeals so he can get going to jail. The sooner he starts, the sooner he'll be out. Sometimes the deck is just so stacked against you that it actually doesn't matter that you're innocent. Believe me, I know.

Shame.

- Ghost

If you think my football or the present college basketball obsession were bad - and you should - wait for baseball season. I am an admitted college basketball junkie, defend the honor of Patriots nation, obviously have an unhealthy adoration for the Buckeye footballers, but nothing compares to the sheer madness I feel for America's pastime.

There have been glimpses on the blog - the commemoraation of the 20th anniversary of the infamous E-3, references to accepting any challenge for naming a former starting 9, the fact that I sadly consider October 27, 2004 the greatest day of my life. But cowhide obsession is about to begin in earnest again.

A few predictions for the season to come: I think the Red Sox are going to be bad, despite many other experts' feelings to the otherwise. They lack a strong back-end of the bullpen, JD Drew is a major question, and you just don't know what you're going to get from Manny. Look for Josh Beckett to have a better year, but I think the real ace will prove to be Daisuke. Bold prediction: after a rocky start, Dice will be the Sox best pitcher come September.

Last year I picked Grady Sizemore to be the AL MVP and the tribe to win the World Series, and I was serious. I won't get burned again. Not only will the Tribe not win it all (they suffer the ignominy of beng in baseball's best division, unlike the 6 years they won the Central in the 90's, when it was by far the worst, and they also have no closer and are poor at best defensively) but they may not make the playoffs at all. And I won't take the bait here and do the obvious . . . pick the Cubs.

Think about it. They signed the most talented hitter this side of A-Rod, have a solid ace openly predicting he'll win the Cy Young, have a budding superstar at third, and overspent on Ted Lilly. Plus, they have Lou. The guy's a winner. And the Cubs are in the worst division in the bigs. Odd, I know, since they boast the defending world champs (who I think are bad) the Reds, who are are better but won't compete, and Houston who will fade back into the pack. The teams to beat are Milwaukee and the aformentioned furry bears.

The Mets lack starting pitching, the Yankees have obvious flaws, Minnesota lost Liriano and Radke, and have a disgrunteld ace. There are no good teams in the West (AL or NL) save maybe the Dodgers. I don't pick teams with no bullpen, so out go the Sox and Tribe, and I can't see another miracle out of the South Siders.

The last few years have seen so many "can't win it all" curses get broken. (shit even the democrats won a few elections last year) But in the sports world, from Roy Williams & Peyton Manning to Phil Mickelson, to the Red Sox and White Sox - not to mention the Buckeyes - it's like there are no more curses anymore. I should pick the Cubs and tribe to go to the Classic just to continue the trend. Not gonna do it.

So whose curse will end this year? I don't know yet, but as for Cubs and Indians fans - it'll be wait 'til next year . . . again.

I'll be back to hoopps tomorrow, I promise. Spent the day tending to Cripple McCrutchyCrutch (aka Juliet), who broke her foot yesterday, and thinking about baseball. Probably have a few more days of chauffeuring her around, but it's a labor of . . .

- Ghost

p.s. Lent is 1/3 over. 14 days and we pass an important milestone. Anyone who couldn't do this is a pussy. It's retardedly easy, and I have lost 8 lbs. since my return from the other side of the Earth. Less than 4 weeks left. Maybe you should think about it.

Who knew?

- Staff reports

- "Beautiful faces and loud, empty places
Look at the way that we live
Wastin’ our time on cheap talk and wine
Left us so little to give
That same old crowd
Was like a cold dark cloud
That we could never rise above" - The Eagles, "The Best of My Love"

I love lyrics that remind me of myself because I sincerely love myself.

- The haircut is outstanding. Getting a ton of rave reviews.



- Few funny things about lunch today:

1. The Mayor's eyes lit up when Sis brought up the mayor.

2. The Mayor said this when asked about Saturday night, "Oh, we took it easy." And he was being very sincere. This is the night when our table "ordered" 12 Jaegerbombs in about six minutes. We stayed out until 2:30 a.m. after starting at about 9 p.m., unplugged the jukebox, incited a few near riots within the bar, stood on tables, flipped people off and told numerous people to "go fuck themselves."

But we took it easy.

3. We talked about tonight. A Tuesday. As if it was the only FRIDAY night any of us could go out for the next four years. Tomorrow is Pete Yorn. And then as we're leaving The Mayor and I concluded we should go check out Chris Logsdon (a blog reader!) at the Ugly Tuna.

4. I had a The Godfather-like line to The Godfather when I told him, "Man, I'm sure that was the one Friday you wish was during Lent."

- But every mornin’
I wake up and worry
What’s gonna happen today
You see it your way
And I see it mine
But we both see it slippin’ away

You know we always had each other baby
I guess that wasn’t enough
Oh, but here in my heart
I give you the best of my love


- Art McGregor

- Just had an enjoyable lunch over at the Mohawk and a more enjoyable haircut. Nice to have a normal Tuesday. Tonight? The return of Tuesday Boozeday.

- I might have just done huge harm to the blog. The Godfather has reported that German Village Media is now listed as a porn site throughout state offices. Might have to contact an IT director to see if we can have this problem rectified (without taking away the "porn").

- Throughly enjoying my new iPod nano. I downloaded way too many Christmas songs late this past year.

- Drove past The Slo-Pitch on the way to lunch and saw a first (of sorts). There was a Miller Lite truck dropping off cases. I figured they grew on trees down in the basement where Schenkenberg "supposedly" doesn't lift.

Smiles. (No, not The Doctor's friend.)

- Back to work.

- AMG

- I found out the random freshman Steeb Hall booty call is on some Campus Girls Web site vying for some prize. It's both shocking and unshocking in so many different ways.

Also on the page is that really hot blonde bartender from Brothers we talked about in the summer. I think her name is Halle. Smoking!

My rankings:

1. Ashley
2. Halle
3. Molly (just because she says, "Not to get too concerned with school though, the best part of college is going out and having a good time.")

4. Ebony
5. Ivory

- Great to wake up this morning and see two posts from McGhostley.

Great to wake up this morning. Period.

- Had an invited to play poker over at The Godfather's last night but declined. I broke one of my rules. I normally always respond to text messages. I did not. I watched the Cavs beat Houston. What a difficult matchup that was for the wine and gold (who sometimes wear orange). Yao Ming makes it impossible for anyone to score inside. Bad for the Cavs because as I say, "they can never make a fucking shot," which is incorrect because they average around 90 points a game.

It must be what college basketball fans who play against Ohio State are thinking. Very few chances to score inside.

Look, what troubles me about Ohio State this year is they don't have a go-to scorer. However, what I LOVE is their perimeter defense and all-around defense. It's going to take a VERY special individual effort to beat the Bucks come March. Oops, it is March. February had 28 days?

Back to poker. I love the camaraderie but the game, eh. I'd just want to sit around and talk. And it's not a skeleton German Village Media crew that plays and it's Lent so I am not interested in making new friends.

- I was up and at 'em at around 6:43 a.m. this morning. Break up the band, baby. I plan on going out tonight so I'm going to need to make an excuse for coming into work a little later than usual tomorrow.

- Going ahead and getting a haircut today. I wish McGinley was still in Australia so that'd be international news.

My last haircut was atrocious. She didn't take enough off the top and after a nice stretch (the first week after the cut) my locks grew too fast and became just too much in the front.

Looking to go a little shorter this time, so it hits its peak around March 17 or the weekend after.

- We haven't done a Tuesday lunch in awhile. I'm taking tabs. But I'm not picking up the tab. No way.

- Art McGregor

Upon reflection, I guess the biggest criticism I have of The Departed is that the Irish mob just isn't as funny or interesting as the Ginzo's. I mean, when they kill people in this film, they shoot them in the head . . . BORING! I want to see guys with their eyes popping out of their heads in a vice, or dudes being thrown into lion cages (they must really feed eachother to the lions down there, because this guy gave everybody right up). Oh, and what about the funny words like "fanuch" or "lamist"? No one was really funny in Departed, but that's because they aren't spaghetti bending, monkey grinding, dago, wop, buffo, guiney, greaseballs. They're Irish. They're scumbags. That's what Scorsese is so masterful at, losing this glorified Godfather (the movie, not the GVMer) image of the Cosa Nostra and showing what human swine balls these fuckers really are.

Another thing I love about Scorsese is the fact that he is as big a Stones fan as I am. To me, the best part of that flick was dropping "Let it Loose", an obscure track off of Exile, into one of the scennes (the one where they bust off Leo's cast) in a Boston bar. Never heard that song on any juke, or in any bar, or for that matter, in any movie. Of course, he used "Gimme Shelter" as the movies theme and figured it prominently at the beginning. That must be his favorite song, because it's in every one of his movies. Goodfellas, Casino, you name it, I think they even play it in Last Temptation. I don't know, he figured out a way.

Anyway, between Moonlight Mile in The Sopranos and Let it Loose in this movie, I was quite the happy viewer of mob adventures. I just wish there had been more Italians, and some slightly more interesting murders.

- Ghost of MickGinley

p.s. finally back on the normal sleep cycle. bed at 11;30 last night. Up this morning at 6, thanks to the Glimmer.

Congratulations Gonzaga for returning to the tournament for the 12th year in a row. Also welcome Niagra Purle Eagles (had to look that one up) to the Dance. The euphoria exhibited by the kids after punching their ticket to an assured first round ass-whipping by a power conference bully is what makes this week so awesome. I loved it.

The Butler/Wright St. game tomorrow will be interesting. It is an elimination game, period. Butler is in won or lose, but Orville and Wilbur need this one to get in. Lots of happy faces in Carbondale, Death Valley, Champagne, and Manhattan if the Bulldogs pull it out, and open up an at-large spot for a bubble squad. Old Dominion breathes a sigh of relief with end of the Mase's cinderella run.

Thanks to one member of our Capital City Bureau who informs that due to the regretful decision of Orwellian forces within the matrix of government censorship, his computer has been blocked from any website that might publish NCAA brackets, ostensibly in an effort to curb office pools. He further advises that GVM is now his only source for college basketball information. Not a bad one to still avail.

Here's a tip: Cut the bracket out of the newspaper, photocopy and distribute a la 1995 and keep hitting your refresh button.

Field is updated below.

- Ghost

Had lunch over at Panera Campus with the trendys. While there, we saw a couple walk in that were truly Mr. and Mrs. Trendy.

Reminisced about our days while at Ohio State. They can all be summed up with this conversation.

We all happened to work at the office of Student Loans or the treasurer's office, wherever.

missestrendy: "So [Art], what did you do over there?"

Art McGregor: "Nothing."

mistertrendy: "Nothing?"

Art McGregor: "Seriously, nothing."

missestrendy: "I hated it because I couldn't ever get homework done."

mistertrendy: "I actually pounded out a lot of office work while there."

We all had the same job.

- Art McGregor

March 5, 2007—Looks like those baggy shorts so popular among college hoops teams may finally be on their way out. Taking their place? Really, really baggy shorts. Starting tomorrow night, four top schools—Arizona, Florida, Ohio State, and Syracuse—will don Nike's System of Dress, a radical new look that brings Raf Simons–style proportion-play to the hard court. Complementing the aforementioned shorts are formfitting jerseys ten inches smaller in the torso, resulting in a second-skin look that's more Bode Miller than Ben Wallace. Players will also be able to customize their uniforms by adding options like padded shorts (to protect against the errant knee or elbow) and Dwyane Wade–style leg wraps. "There's sort of that tattoo mentality in basketball of guys wanting to share a similar look but also stand out within that look," explains Hans George, GM of Nike's global basketball business. "We expect that they make take some of the componentry and do something we might not really have imagined ourselves." Time will tell whether the new look catches on with more traditionally minded programs—something tells us Coach K will be a tough sell—but one thing's for certain: Those nut-huggers you wore in junior high aren't coming back anytime soon.

Nike System of Dress jerseys, $75, shorts, $60. Available at www.niketown.com, select Nike retailers, and at campus bookstores of the four debut teams.

— Andrew Lawrence

- Setting up to be a pretty chilltastic week. Championship Week is one of the great weeks of the year.

- Going to see Pete Yorn on Wednesday night, where I'll be sure to party like its "two-ew-thousand-two." Listened to Yorn a ton back from 2002 to 2004, so it'll be nice to see what he's been up to since. Also interesting that Yorn got his big break when one of his songs was played on an episode of Dawson's Creek. The beginning of "Crystal Village" is right up there with "Far Behind" from Candlebox as one of my favorite song intros.

- Ohio State plays at noon on Friday. Darn. One of my big duties this week will be figuring out a spot to watch that one.

- High school basketball around the state of Ohio is also heating up. Hopefully John Diebler and Upper Sandusky make it to the state tournament on March 22-24 over at the Schott. He's awesome to watch. What an offensive talent. He broke Ohio's all-time scoring record this past month and will be playing at Ohio State next year. I also like that his name is John. I am biased against people named "Jon." No offense.

- We're getting closer to sign-up day for our Thursday night softball team. I can't wait to play. I believe sign-up day is March 13.

- Too soon to start gameplanning for St. Patrick's Day?

- Art McGregor

The New York Times crossword puzzle is getting too easy. Time was when i'd spend the better part of my Sunday trying to vanquish it, and sometimes it was too vexing. Last summer, after a long hiatus, I started doing them again, and now they're too easy. My first foray back into puzzledom was a raging success. Finished it in an hour and a half. Thought it was an abberation. After today's hour-long dismantling of an easy puzzle, I now know it to be the norm. I guess my destruction could be considered a bad win, since one of the things thaat I liked about the NYTXW was that it occupied most of my Sunday. Not anymore.

Watched the Deaprted (finally) and liked it. I like Leo, I have to admit it, and dude hits some hot ass. But I wish i had seen it prior to all the Oscar glory. It's hard for any movie to live up to the hype when you sit down thinking "this is going to be the best movie I've seen in a while." For me, the Best Picture hype lessened the experience by raising the expectations, so I consider the award a bad win.

So is there such a thing as a bad win in sports? No, of course not. But are there good losses? I think there are. Texas almost pullled off the impossible this week to capture the Big 12 title, but came up just shy. Looked mighty impressive doing it though, and have been rewarded in the rankings. You could argue the same for Sparty, looking every bit the equal to Wisconsin after dropping the roadie at Michigan. And Syracuse didn't hurt itself with their loss to 'Nova.

But a lot of teams suffered the bad loss. The NCAA-killer. Start with 'Bama, beat Miss St, and they're probably in. Get thrashed by 25 points in a "must win" and you're hosting an NIT game. Providence and Missouri both burst bubble hopes with late-season failures, and Oklahoma St. completed its collapse by losing to Baylor. Bradley needed the win, and now Old Dominion must pray George Mason doesn't have yet another miracle up their sleeve against VCU. If they do, sorry ODU. Conference leaders Marist and Austin peay saw their hopes go up in smoke, and Illinois is a surprising NIT contestant after a bad loss to Iowa. Their fellow conferencemate Michigan needed to do more than just look good against the Buckeyes . . . who are the overall #1.

Big wins: Clemson, Marquette, Maryland, Creighton

Last 4 spots go to: Stanford (free-falling like Duke), Clemson, Kansas St., and Old Dominion

Last 4 out are: West Va., Illinois, Florida St., Purdue

Next 4: San Diego State, Alabama, NMSU, Georgia

Also crying on Sunday: Ole Miss, UMASS, DePaul, Oklahoma St., and uh . . . oh yeah, Michigan.

* - updated to include Toledo. Thanks McCampus for catching that. (accidentally forgot to transfer G-Town/Toledo 3-14 game from hand-written sheet to blog)

East Rutherford
1. Florida
16. Texas A&M Corpus Christi

8. Marquette
9. USC

5. BYU
12. Clemson

4. Louisville
13. Wright St.

3. Pitt
14. Niagra

6. Va Tech
11. Michigan St.

7. Vanderbilt
10. Texas Tech

2. Memphis
15. North Texas

St. Louis
1. Ohio State
16. Delaware St.

8. Creighton
9. Winthrop

5. UNLV
12. Kansas St.

4. Maryland
13. Vermont

3. Washington St.
14. LBSU

6. Butler
11. Xavier

7. Boston College
10. Indiana

2. Texas A&M
15. E. Kentucky

San Antonio
1. Kansas
16. Miss Vall. St./Cent. Conn. Winner

8. Duke
9. Syracuse

5. Nevada
12. Gonzaga

4. Oregon
13. Old Dominion

3. S. Illinois
14. Penn

6. Notre Dame
11. Stanford

7. Air Force
10. VCU

2. North Carolina
15. Belmont

San Jose
1. UCLA
16. Weber State

8. Kentucky
9. Villanova

5. Virginia
12. Davidson

4. Texas
13. Old Dominion

3. Georgetown
14. Toledo

6. Tennessee
11. Georgia Tech

7. Arizona
10. Missouri State

2. Wisconsin
15. Holy Cross

p.s., Badly needed to dry out for a while. SO glad I wasn't involved in the Friday festivities. That shit was literally killing me. If you have a problem with it, you can go fuck yourself.

Enjoy Championship week!

"If numbers meant anything, Al Gore would be the president." - Mark Jones, ESPN2 ... end of the Vanderbilt-LSU women's college basketball game.

I turned it on before the WCC semifinals at 9:30. That's men's basketball. Or as I call it, "basketball."

PLEASE SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHO WATCHES WOMEN'S BASKETBALL.

This east coast, women's basketball loving, agenda-pushing ESPN is garbage.

Mark Jones. C'mon.

- Art McGregor

Shots are a jigger of liquor served in a tumbler, btw.

- The Mayor

NICE EARRING BUCKLEY



Sometimes I sit back and laugh about this blog.

It's usually the same story. We all go to the same bar, almost every night (I told my mom yesterday I went three times a week ... and still felt bad).

While at the bar, I'll talk to The 1 or trendy or McCampus about girls and which ones don't say hello to me and wonder why. Or I'll implore people to get me a drink. Or I'll look at myself in the mirror or make small talk, wishing I was elsewhere.

But last night it hit me. Actually this morning.

All this giving up shit for Lent is fine. But it makes the late-night hours a lot less exciting. (This is AFTER that legendary afterhours a few nights ago.) My good buddies leave early and it's usually just the stragglers (me and The Mayor) drinking AND reminding each other how awesome we are.

I don't understand the taking six weeks off from drinking, but I am also a weird dude who does weird things so I cannot judge. Last night, we didn't need to remind each other of how awesome we are.

Standing around bullshitting with mistertrendy this morning, he made an excellent point.

"For Lent, our M.O. has to just be dicks. This stupidity has got to end." - trendy

I could not agree more, nor can I explain exactly what happened last night. For all the evenings I went into that place, I've never yelled at anyone. Never. Never flicked anyone off. Never told someone to go "fuck yourself." Maybe? Maybe not? Maybe go fuck yourself.

After 10-15 beers and Jaegerbomb "drinks" (The Mayor told me to look up "shots" in the dictionary last night ... he contends a Jaegerbomb is not a shot so him and The 1 did about five of them last night). He also told me to look up shots in the dictionary while at a bar.

Sometime around 1 a.m., The Slo-Pitch 1961 Tavern hit its 2007 peak. The Mayor gave Schenkenberg his iPod and it was plugged in ... unleashing the greatest seven-song stretch in the history of the bar. As The Mayor and I have long said, you play OUR music and the place goes nuts.

There was dancing. Swaying. Picture snapping. I haven't been happier in a long time. I was yelling at random people. Pointing.

"GO FUCKING PLAY PETE YORN. MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF."

The Mayor and I were in our glory. We had done it. We had helped to create THE atmosphere. People don't go out as much as we do. People don't experience fun all the time. But last night. For seven songs we gave folks a night they'll tell their grandkids about.

Then, someone went to the jukebox and played Jeff Buckley. Are you Minnie fucking Driver? Jesus Christ.

YOU ARE NOT COOL IF YOU PLAY JEFF BUCKLEY AT THE SLO-PITCH. I swear to fucking God if I hear Jeff Buckley again, I am leaving. That's my rule. If Jeff Buckley comes on, I will leave.

This is where The 1 stepped in. He went behind the jukebox and unplugged it. It was glorious.

trendy is right. We are better than a lot of people. Most people at the 19-6-1. These people are stupid. It's got to end somewhere.


"For Lent, our M.O. has to just be dicks. This stupidity has got to end." - trendy

- Art McGregor

mistertrendy with ANOTHER MVP performance last night. As we initiated another high-top takeover this past evening, a girl told trendy that she thought it was mean we stole their table. He said, "too bad."

Her: "Wow. You're very honest. I've never met anyone as upfront as you."

trendy: "Well, to be honest, I don't like you."

Her: "Oh my god."

trendy: "Yeah, I'm not here looking to make friends."

Then they left.

- Arena District correspondent McCampus said all the bars in the Columbus State/Ohio University section of town were charging $10 cover charges.

Since trendy wasn't around to bankroll McCampus, McCampus stayed in the Toledo/Dublin area.

- Art McGregor

If anyone can fill me in on the late-night events of last night, please e-mail me at artmcgregor@hotmail.com.

WOW! What a night. Music. Dancing. Beers. And this was after 2:30 a.m.

We drank Straubs beer? I'm not sure if that sounds like a cowboy clothing retailer or a type of shampoo. But it was beer from the exotic tropical paradise of "northwestern Pennsylvania."

I left the shindiggery at 6 a.m. ... people were still there and showed no signs of leaving. I have never enjoyed Elton John so much. "John so much" kind of looks like "Johnson."

Elton's Johnson. Yep.

If I did not dance with you last night, too bad.

I hurt. NO NO NO. Not because you didn't dance with me, but because I was toe-tapping until 6.

- Art McGregor

Oh sexy Amercian Girlfriend . . .

"You beat up my face"

"You grabbed me in the (GONG!)"

"Dat you?"

"Yeah Dat me, where's (redacted)?"

"He get a maddied."

"Married?"

"Yeah maddied."

"MARRIED?"

"Maddied. . . sheesh."

- It'll be a Peaches-free weekend at The Slo-Pitch as her and mantoy TD Hoodie are escaping to the hills of Tennessee. While there, I'm sure Hoodie will make friends with the dudes in Deliverance ("they're really not that bad, guys") while smoking a cigarette and will hence rescue us all from impending doom.

- My parents are coming down tomorrow which will be sweet. I saw neither during February, which is very odd. I think I probably only have six or seven months in my life where I haven't seen at least one of my folks (not the gang).

- I rolled into work a little late today, ehh ... "no shirts, no shoes, no diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice." - Jeff Spicoli.

- I, too, am for an Arena District-free weekend. Christ. Can you imagine that place this weekend? It's already Meathead Central and then you throw these guys into the mix. Although, it'd be funny as hell if we had a television station and we went down there in search of the tightest shirt worn on a male.

I'm sitting at least 100 yards away from anyone else and a pec just hit me in the eye.

- People will still lobby to go down there this evening.

- Odd crew last night at The Slo-Pitch. You had that bartender from Mayle's (not McGoBlue), the Truth, our one chick friend that I don't have a nickname for, Joe Incognito, TD Hoodie, me. No McGinley. No The Mayor. No The Godfather. No mistertrendy.

Seriously. No mistertrendy.

- Watched that Are you Smarter Than a 5th Grader? show last night. With the way the game is set up, it's difficult to score sometimes.

Don't I know that.

- Art McGregor

Here is your once-a-day post that is not about Art, for Art, by Art. Please enjoy and comment.

Don’t Make Eye Contact and Never Feed Them after Midnight

They’re baaaa-ack.

Don’t look now, but the hotels, restaurants, bars, streets, shopping malls, cabs and supplement stores are being over run by steroid-guzzling androids.

I’m not talking about Barry Bonds and the Boys of Summer.

No, I’m talking about Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Meatheads of Spring who are beginning their decent on Columbus this weekend.

Hide the women and children, lock the doors and, for God’s sake, DO NOT go near the Arena District between now and Monday. You can’t stop them, you can’t join them, you can only try to avoid them.

Since I first came to Columbus as a freshman at The OSU in 1999, I’ve avoided the Short North and Convention Center during the first weekend in March. These HGH-peddling men and androgynous women have been multiplying since the Honorable Arnold first brought this three-ring steroid circus to town some 20 years ago.

I talked to a co-worker who’s attending a gallery opening tonight in the Short North and the Gallery Hop tomorrow. She’s a small woman, and I am concerned that one of these Neanderthals will mistake her for a soy-protein bar and I’ll never see her again.

If you do cross paths with them, remember these keys to survival:

1.They do not think like we do, so do not try to make cordial banter about how the City Center has gone downhill over the years. There is still a GNC in the City Center, so they will not see what the problem is.

2.Ultimate Fighting and mixed martial arts are far superior to all other sports. Do not talk about the success of the Basketball Buckeyes, because if Greg Oden and crew were real men, they’d have been wrestling between the fall football season and the spring training-for-football season.

3.Don’t look at their women. Now, I know why you’re looking at their women. You’re looking because she looks like a dude and it’s like watching the horrific Shawn Livingston knee injury; it grosses you out every time, but you can’t stop staring. But they think you’re checking her out because you’re attracted to her spray-on tan and Navy tattoos.

4.When they ask directions, do not be wrong. If you send them the wrong way, you’re dead. They’ll find you. I know what you’re thinking, I’ll just pretend I don’t speak English and they’ll go along on their way. WRONG! They’ll kill a foreigner quicker than they’ll kill a gay.

5.Which reminds me: Do not be gay this weekend.

I know TD Hoodie will offer a defense about how much they contribute to the hospitality industry and how they’re really nice if you get to know them. I don’t buy it.

If they invade the Slo-Pitch, it’s lights out.

Stay low, don’t leave the Village and you’ve got a chance. Once they’re gone, we’ll take the town back and welcome the NCAA Tournament to Nationwide. Until then, we’re going to the mattresses.

- The Godfather

Just because.



When she sorta bends over and looks behind her with about 1:20 left in the video is probably the hottest part of any video. Ever.

- AMG

Post No. 666, by the way.



Couldn't have done any more for the team last night and my game (last night) was MVP like Steve Nash.

Just did it all. Rearranged the work schedule to secure a night out, didn't wear my NorthFace jacket out to avoid confusion, was not a dick AT ALL (once we got out) and didn't talk to chicks. But in the end, we were not the O'Bannons and McCampus left campus at 9:45 p.m.

Hoodie and I reconnected at The Slo-Pitch and I went back into full McGregor mode and ... have NO clue how I got home last night. But, I did manage to score a few buckets late and have put my team (on my shoulders) and back in the game for tonight.

- Art McGregor

Out go the Mountaineers, in go the Ramblin' Wreck.

Alabama, Oklahoma St., Michigan, and Clemson have all gone from in to out to knocking back on the door. Drexel better watch out. They, the aforementioned Wreck, Old Dominion, and Missouri State are the teams in the field right now with the most to lose in championship week.

I love this time of year.

Got this e-mail from a friend [Sam]. As always, innocence has been changed to protect the names.

you know how there's just certain questions you hate getting asked? got one today. was walking out of a drs office, into the waiting room, when this pretty hot female drug rep with no nametag on (fucker) says...

[Sam], do you remember me?

(most of you who went to college can probably relate to the actual weight of that question and the thoughts that race through your head...hence, me not liking it very much. this time, though, it actually sparked an interesting dialogue...)

[Sam] -I remember the face...don't think I could ever forget that, but if you gave me a million dollars right now to tell you your name or how I know you, save it.

[Her] - I'm [Madison Switzer]. We went to highschool together!

(looking hot too, did I mention that?)

[Sam] -Holy shit! You look great! You were a year [behind] me...I always had a thing for you! How's [Other guy]?

[Madison] - (hahahahahaha because I'm funny) You're hilarious! No, you did not have a thing for me, and no, I'm not with [Other guy]. I thought I saw you a few weeks ago at Dr blahblahblah's office, but I wasn't sure it was you until you smiled...I'd recognize those straight teeth anywhere. You were driving so I didn't get a chance to say hi.

[Sam] - You look great! Seriously, no [Other kid]?

[Madison] -No, I'm divorced, have a kid, and am dating [this dude] (young stud who I'd probably try to date if I was, well, you know).

[Sam] -Wow! My next guess was [nappy dude], but I guess I'll just keep it to myself.

[Madison] -You're so funny!

[Sam] -You look great!

so then we chat for like 10 minutes, she brings up [nappy chick], who she "claims" runs marathons now.

[Sam] -Isn't she fat?

[Madison] -No...she used to be a little overweight, not anymore.

[Sam] -She'll always be a fatass to me!

i was killin! very surprised she didn't take me in the lavoratory right there and bang the shit outta me. i love myself!

so in conclusion, [madison switzer] is hot. i think it's because her [redacted], like she could be 1/8 [nationality], and we all know how i feel about those [people]!

so she's hot. thinks i'm funny. is not dating [Other guy] or [nappy dude]. likes my straight teeth (despite looking like marbles up close, which she probably now knows). thinks i'm funny. and is hot.

all that stands in the way is my marriage, her kid, and [this dude] she's dating.

82% chance of hooking up. i'll keep you posted.

- Art McGregor

COVINGTON, Ky. - Snap comma oh.

I just found out the St. Louis University women's basketball team is staying in my hotel. Might stick around.

Wait, hold on, having a thought here:

That's right, they're women's basketball players.

Leaving now.

- AMG

COVINGTON, Ky. - Geesh. I fell asleep last night before midnight for the third straight night. This is no joke. I don't think I've done that since sixth grade. And even then, I don't know.

I get to leave now. Headed back to Columbus. Cannot wait. Anyone want to do a 1p lunch, let me know via text message machine.

Turns out I miss the game of the year with Texas-Texas A&M. BUT ... the game also is why I'm sort of against a big playoff in college football. That game last night didn't mean much in the scheme. You know what I'm saying? (This is where all/most of our readers with a penis nod their head.)

- Art McGregor

Sayonara: Iowa, Georgia
Locked: Maryland, 'Nova
Promising; T-Tech
back to the bubble?: Providence, Missouri